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Christmas with the vaccine refusers??

(114 Posts)
Daisymae Sun 17-Oct-21 18:34:06

My DiL has refused the vaccine, initially saying she will see how things go. My DS is fully vaccinated along with GC. However my DiL's daughter who lives with them is also unvaccinated. I feel very uncomfortable having them over during the Christmas season. My DH is ECV we have been cautious so far, partly because of the virus and partly because of ongoing health issues. I think it's going to be a touchy subject. I don't want to fall out, but I know they think we're OTT. How are others managing?

Luckygirl Mon 18-Oct-21 09:27:07

I would not worry about causing any upset. Thye are causing you upset!!!

Marydoll Mon 18-Oct-21 09:39:59

What bothers me is that your DIL is putting you in this position in the first place. Quite thoughtless. Has she no concern for your husband's welfare?

Callistemon Mon 18-Oct-21 10:12:40

If you are vaccinated you could still give the virus to them.

You may not be ill yourself and in fact they may or may not be very ill if they caught it from you.
Their risk is greater than yours.

GrannyLaine Mon 18-Oct-21 10:21:21

Well said Callistemon, the voice of reason.

V3ra Mon 18-Oct-21 10:26:08

Peasblossom thank you for that very clear and detailed description of how the two different tests work.

HannahLoisLuke Mon 18-Oct-21 11:21:56

I wouldn’t do it. Just explain that with your DHs health issues you’d rather not take the risk.

GillT57 Mon 18-Oct-21 11:26:28

I would request that everyone planning to visit at Christmas, vaccinated or unvaccinated, does a test. We need to remember that being vaccinated does not make us unable to catch or transmit the infection, but it does protect us from serious symptoms, so in fact the unvaccinated are more at risk than the vaccinated when we all mix at Christmas.

Taliya Mon 18-Oct-21 11:28:12

FGS get things into perspective!If you are double jabbed you will be fine I'm sure...that is why older people get vaccinated. These vaccines are not without higher risks for younger people and its a personal medical decision. Its been shown that the fully vaccinated can still get the virus and pass it on but most likely won't get seriously ill with it and the majority of people who got seriously ill with Covid and died were over 70 year olds. If you have been vaccinated why are you worrying. When you go in a shop or cafe etc you are around loads of people that may not have been vaccinated especially 20 and 30 year olds.

Daisymae Mon 18-Oct-21 11:29:38

Thanks for the responses. It does seem that we are not alone. I get on well with my DiL, she is an intelligent, caring person. I can't help but think that testing is an added layer of protection.
Calliston, their risk from the virus is much less than ours, DH is elderly and ECV while they have age and good health on their side. The official advice my husband received clearly states that he should think about extra things he can do to keep himself and others safe. It includes 'considering whether those you are meeting have been vaccinated.' Plus everything else we are all tired of.

Daisymae Mon 18-Oct-21 11:31:48

Taliya. Thank you for your kind words. FYI we are not shopping or going into cafes.

Susysue Mon 18-Oct-21 11:33:11


I hosted a wedding recently in my garden. We all had lateral flow tests beforehand and wore masks during the ceremony.
It was outdoors of course so not really comparable to your situation.
DS has had one vaccine but took a bad reaction so isn't planning a 2nd.
The vaccine is not 100% effective.

Your DS will have a far worse "reaction" if he gets covid!!! Alot of people have felt rough after having the first vaccine, myself included. My good friend who is a retired immunologist says that those who have had a "reaction" after the vaccine, may have had mild covid at some point. Having an A and E doctor daughter who has admitted many a very sick patient, many of whom have unfortunately died of covid, to not be vaccinated fully is just plain madness, not only for your own health but other people's. I would not have anyone in my home who is not doubly vaccinated. And for all those cynics out there, we are never going to get rid of covid unless everyone gets doubly vaccinated and accepts the boosters. Those who refuse, in my opinion, should have restrictions put upon them. My daughter has not put her own life at risk over the past 18 months for idiotic people who refuse the correct dosage of the vaccine and continue spreading the virus throughout our society. In the past 100 years, if mass people had refused polio, rubella, diphtheria etc vaccines, we would still have these diseases rampaging through our society. Stop the selfish, uneducated reactions and get vaccinated!!

FarNorth Mon 18-Oct-21 11:33:56

the majority of people who got seriously ill with Covid and died were over 70 year olds

That's not exactly a comforting thought for most on this site, taliyah.

When you go in a shop or cafe etc you are around loads of people

I'm not, and many others will be the same.
I shop at quiet times and many people only shop online.
I never go to cafes now.

jaylucy Mon 18-Oct-21 11:34:25

I think there will be a few families that will be in the same situation.
All of my family (apart possibly from the 8 year old and 7 year old great nieces) and we are planning a family get together hopefully between Christmas and New Year.
I would hope that DiL is aware of your health issues and will either get vaccinated (you didn't say why she wasn't yet) or respect your wishes and come up with an idea that means you can all get together at some point.
Ours will possibly be sitting outside in the garden, under a large gazebo with a couple of fire baskets nearby, eating barbecued food , wearing our coats with fleecy blankets !

Coco51 Mon 18-Oct-21 11:37:49

A letter from DoH to ECV suggests asking visitors tohave a covid test before visiting - or to wear masks in enclosed spaces. It might be appropriate to ask your vaccine refusers to comply, although masks for family are nigh impossible. It might be worth making a test compulsory and be clear that if positive, they will be asked to stay away. CEVs have sacrificed a lot since the outbreak and it would be a tragedy if an xmas gathering undid all the effort in to staying healthy

icanhandthemback Mon 18-Oct-21 11:39:08

To an extent I think you have to be pragmatic about who is vaccinated and who isn't. We are vaccinated against a host of things but we don't ask anybody whether they have had those vaccinations even though they may be infectious. The only way I would treat anybody differently is if I had someone with me who was particularly vulnerable and then I wouldn't expect them to be put at risk. Just in the same way that we wouldn't want someone with German Measles socialising with a pregnant woman.

Smileless2012 Mon 18-Oct-21 11:45:10

As Callistemon has posted, despite being vaccinated you could still get the virus Daisymae and pass it on. Anyone not vaccinated is at greater risk than you.

Ask them to take a test before they come and say that you and your H will be doing the same. That way, regardless of whether or not someone's not vaccinated, you'll all feel reassured.

pennykins Mon 18-Oct-21 11:50:35

I would be polite and tell them that you are unable to allow them to come to the house or see them until they have all been vaccinated.
My 13 year old daughter had covid a week ago, caught at school. And another granddaughter has given me a horrendous cough.

Yammy Mon 18-Oct-21 11:52:01


your husband's health is far more important than what anyone may think of you.

Well said.
They are sticking to their beliefs and not considering either you or your husband and the consequences.
Don't feel guilty just calmly explain if they object to not being invited.
Your worrying might be over if you told them now and not in two months time.

Rosina Mon 18-Oct-21 11:56:22

Friends of ours decided to refuse vaccination; their reasoning is that they don't want side effects (does anyone, by the way?) and they feel that if enough people are vaccinated they will be ok. I find this stupendously selfish and have had to choke back my anger . If they make any moves to visit I will try to keep as calm as possible and tell them that I don't want them to come. I have two vulnerable people in my immediate family and really cannot believe that such selfishness can be demonstrated.

Marydoll Mon 18-Oct-21 12:11:47

The important fact and what I think some posters have missed, is that the OP's husband is extremely clinically vulnerable. That makes him even more vulnerable to the virus. The advice for people in that category, is still to be very careful around others. Many of us require a full third vaccination, as opposed to a booster. I would politely explain this to anyone wishing to visit and why I am concerned.

grandtanteJE65 Mon 18-Oct-21 12:13:44

I have no idea what ECV stands for, but I gather you are anxious about your husband's state of health. This being so, having an unvaccinated person visiting is surely exposing him to a risk.

In your place I would regretfully and as kindly as possible tell the family that you and your husband are going to spend Christmas and New Year on your own, as you dare not expose him to the risk of catching covid 19.

Send their presents in good time, or make arrangements to drop them off and say you hope that by this time next year the pandemic is a thing of the past, so you can invite them.

YOu may well be running the risk of offending them, but is that not infinitely preferrable to running the risk of your husband becoming seriously ill?

sodapop Mon 18-Oct-21 12:24:47

I think if they opt not to be vaccinated without any medical reason then they must accept the consequences of that. I don't understand why everyone else should feel obligated to work around it.

Daisymae Mon 18-Oct-21 12:31:05

ECV - sorry - Extremely Clinically Vulnerable.

Pippins6133 Mon 18-Oct-21 12:33:50

Can we be sure that LFTs and PCR tests are reliable?

Alegrias1 Mon 18-Oct-21 12:34:42


Can we be sure that LFTs and PCR tests are reliable?

Yes, yes we can.