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Christmas with the vaccine refusers??

(113 Posts)
Daisymae Sun 17-Oct-21 18:34:06

My DiL has refused the vaccine, initially saying she will see how things go. My DS is fully vaccinated along with GC. However my DiL's daughter who lives with them is also unvaccinated. I feel very uncomfortable having them over during the Christmas season. My DH is ECV we have been cautious so far, partly because of the virus and partly because of ongoing health issues. I think it's going to be a touchy subject. I don't want to fall out, but I know they think we're OTT. How are others managing?

Wheniwasyourage Sun 17-Oct-21 18:39:09

It's up to you how you manage your risks as you understand them, and so it seems to me that if you would feel uncomfortable having non-vaccinated people to stay, nobody should be able to make you have them. Just be truthful and explain why you feel uncomfortable, and then stick to your guns. Good luck!

Lauren59 Sun 17-Oct-21 18:41:11

I wouldn’t take the risk of exposing myself to them. You are not OTT, they are lacking common sense. If they choose to be offended by you protecting yourself, that’s their problem.

Rosie51 Sun 17-Oct-21 18:43:02

I'm lucky that I don't have any unvaccinated (that can be vaccinated) in my family. I feel for you Daisymae it's an awkward situation. I think you just have to be firm that as your husband is ECV and there are other health issues, you have to be absolute in your precautions. Winter time sees the onset of so many other viruses, so combined with the ongoing Covid threat you're going to have to decline social mixing this Christmas. Maybe even to the point of 'agreeing' that you may be OTT but that's what is needed for any degree of peace of mind.

Amberone Sun 17-Oct-21 18:44:56

Can you ask if they will take tests before coming over, given your husbands health problems? That is, if you really want them to come, of course. If it was me, I would ask all of them to take a test - having the vaccine will not stop someone getting covid or spreading it. Then your DiL wouldn't feel you were getting at her in particular.

rosie1959 Sun 17-Oct-21 18:49:58

As people that have been vacinatted can still transmit the virus I wouldn't treat them any differently as I don't have anyone that is ECV
If you are concerned ask all guests if they would test before they arrive

Hithere Sun 17-Oct-21 19:20:48

I would ask for negative tests
Also, get ready for your son and family not to join you this year

NotAGran55 Sun 17-Oct-21 19:30:48

We will be taking tests ahead of our guests arriving and will ask them to do tests too , regardless of their vaccination status .
It works both ways as we can all transmit the virus.

Grammaretto Sun 17-Oct-21 21:02:28

I hosted a wedding recently in my garden. We all had lateral flow tests beforehand and wore masks during the ceremony.
It was outdoors of course so not really comparable to your situation.
DS has had one vaccine but took a bad reaction so isn't planning a 2nd.
The vaccine is not 100% effective.

GagaJo Sun 17-Oct-21 21:17:36

I don't have contact with ANYONE other than my close family and friends, regardless of vaccinated or not. So in your place, I would only spend time with them outside OR wearing a mask.

But we all chose our own risks. It's a series of checks and balances.

Luckygirl Sun 17-Oct-21 21:29:38

Good advice above.

But I would struggle on another level - having vaccine refusers sharing my Christmas celebrations would irk me a great deal. I would prefer to celebrate with people who have common sense and a concern for others around them.

I am about to get jumped on I fear!!!

Zoejory Sun 17-Oct-21 21:30:43

I can understand your reluctance, it's very tricky.

If you are not happy having them then that's that. Entirely up to you.

Dustyhen2010 Sun 17-Oct-21 22:07:39

The idea of a lateral flow test prior to any event I feel is sensible and not difficult for anyone to do. We recently attended a wedding and that was a requirement. I also took tests following the wedding day to ensure I was ok before I met up with friends. I think if you are concerned and think your DIL will be upset if you discuss it with her it may be worth using a white lie by saying the GP doesn't recommend mixing with unvaccinated due to ongoing health issues.

welbeck Sun 17-Oct-21 22:40:26

your husband's health is far more important than what anyone may think of you.

Grammaretto Mon 18-Oct-21 07:12:50

What does DH want?
Last year when my DH was at the end of his life, even the doctor said that for him, seeing family was more important than the coronavirus at that time and he was overjoyed to see the DC and DGC none of whom had been vaccinated back then. Masks were worn by the adults and care was taken. No-one was infected.

mumofmadboys Mon 18-Oct-21 07:49:14

Could you say please can they all do a test before they come and so will you and your DH to try and keep everyone safe?

Blondiescot Mon 18-Oct-21 08:09:23

Luckygirl, I happen to agree with you!

Marydoll Mon 18-Oct-21 08:24:55

As someone, who is ECV and immunosuppressed, I wouldn't want anyone unvaccinated in my home. I have been advised I wouldn't survive if I caught Covid. For that reason, my family are all doubly vaccinated and do a test before coming to visit in order to protect me.
It's a very difficult position to be in, I hope you can resolve things.

Allsorts Mon 18-Oct-21 08:26:05

Get them to do a test before they visit, you do one too. Lucky girl, I to feel these anti vaxers, with silly conspiracy theories are putting the rest of us and NHS at risk and would rather not have them in the house,but to avoid a big fall out with family you have to bite the bullet. I hope we can avoid having them at big gatherings like cinema and theatres etc.,as I don’t want to:sit next to them. I won’t go until they do or Covids gone.

Iam64 Mon 18-Oct-21 08:44:02

Isn’t it stressful to add this worry to the inevitable stresses that the Christmas period brings.
All we can do is reflect on what makes us feel safer and make decisions aroundbthst

rosie1959 Mon 18-Oct-21 08:48:16

I do think it's more important that people test rather than whether they have had the vacinne or not.
Being vaccinated would be fine if it stopped you getting the virus or transmitting it but it doesn't It may cut the chance down but it doesn't irradicat it.

Newquay Mon 18-Oct-21 08:52:15

We have the same problem-local DD1 and her DH and family, lovely intelligent people, are firm anti vax, even anti test it seems.
We’re supposed to be going to them for meals Christmas and Boxing Days.
I would be happier if they at least would test.
I therefore just don’t want to go.
DH fears to will cause upset-which it’s likely to do.
We have had robust conversations with them but have to agree to differ.
I want to stay safely at home and just visit them briefly.
It’s all SO difficult isn’t it?

Marmight Mon 18-Oct-21 09:06:57

DDs friend is doubly vaccinated having had Covid last Christmas. She’s now tested positive again and is quite unwell. Her husband tested positive after PCR then took a lateral flow test which showed a negative result. Who is to know what to believe?
Common sense and doing what you feel comfortable with is the only way to go it seems.

Germanshepherdsmum Mon 18-Oct-21 09:07:16

I would want them all to take a test before coming. Poor you Newquay. Why can people be averse to taking a test? It would make me very sad not to see family at Christmas just because they won’t even test, but that would be what I would do. Maybe that ultimatum will make them see sense. I wouldn’t even visit them briefly indoors if they haven’t all tested negative.

Peasblossom Mon 18-Oct-21 09:24:25

Marmight. Just to say Lateral Flow tests detect surface proteins present when a person is infectious. PCR tests detect genetic material from the virus which can be present for weeks after infection.

The purpose of lateral flow is to pick up infection before symptoms and stop you spreading it. The purpose of PCR is to confirm the infection if there are symptoms. At which point the surface proteins may not be present to give a positive result on a lateral flow.

It’s really not a case of what to believe. They each do their job.

To be honest Newquay, if you’re going to see them indoors for half an hour, you might as well stay as far as infections concerned 🙁