Grandson has failed his Degree

OP I know you said his mum and Uncles are academic but it seems your dgs may not be. I can tell you if your dgs can drive he could do an intensive 1 week Class 2 lorry driving course. He could get a job earning around £40k. After 2 or 3 years of doing this he could do the intensive 1 week Class 1 Course and if he passes that test could drive a Class 1 lorry. He could earn £50k plus doing this. My son had excellent A level grades but astounded with us by saying he did not want to go to Uni. He wanted to drive lorries. It cost about £2300 to do the intensive course which we paid for as not having to contribute to Uni cost, and he passed his Class 2 test then he got his first lorry job. After 3 years he took a week's holiday and booked in an intensive week course and exam for Class 1 passed and applied for a different job and got it. He starts work anywhere between 6 and 7.30 am and finishes by 6pm but sometimes by 4pm. He doesn't work weekends but could do and would get paid more. His older sister with a good degree and Masters earns less than him.

There is an intensive shortage of Class 1 lorry drivers and the ones there are tend to be coming up to retirement age so wages will get higher as the shortage bites.

there are so many jobs and roles that most people and esp teenagers, have never heard of.
we have seen examples above of how sometimes a random move leads to finding something the person can get really stuck into.
it's a big wide world out there.

just a thought, OP; dismiss if inapplicable.
i'm guessing your GS is taller and fitter than you.
could you subtly big him up by having him change those light-bulbs you cannot reach, move a few boxes in out the loft, clean high windows etc.
just now and again. if he doesn't mind.
thank him for being around, say how useful it is for you to have a helpful young man to stay.

I expect he knows deep down if a retake will make any difference or if he should just go out and find a job. Support him in either decision.

Neither of us are academic, we both left school at 16. Married the moment I left school. He is 2 years older, had saved the deposit, purchased my GP home, where we still live, prior to our marriage.

He started his own business at 20, has been very successful. I keep up with his numbers and books, ready for his Accountant, a worthy task.

I suspect GS will find his own way, we did.

Be kind to him in his sadness.

Maybe just have him to stay and not discuss his failing of his degree (unless he does of course). Going out for walks, busying yourselves in the garden etc., so he has something else to think about. Worrying about what possibilities are out there can come later.

FannyCornforth

Joseann

So did David Dimbleby get a third!
I used to be a bit of an intellectual snob and think where the degree was from was more important than its grade. Now I'm far more impressed by a person's honest work ethic and their character, degree or not.

I’ve always thought that it’s more difficult to get a good mark from Scumbag College than Oxbridge, because you are likely to get better teaching and resources at the latter.

But as the proud alumnus of a Scumbag College, I would say that!

Wrong.
Far easier to get a good degree grade from a ‘Scumbag’ Uni than from Oxbridge.

OP
All you can do is to be there for your DGS and listen if he wants to talk.
Your DD may be annoyed that he wasted his time at Uni cos he didn’t bother doing much studying and did too much socialising?
Only your family know why he failed.
If he’s open about it and will talk to you all that’s the best thing at this stage.

That poor boy. I sometimes think the parents want their children to get degrees so that they can brag to their friends. These young people are put under so much pressure.

Thank you all again- will update after our trip to Bluestone

is that where the smurfs came from, they were blue.
with white hats.
hope you all have a nice time.

He's lucky to have such a loving and understanding gran crazy. Enjoy your trip.

Thanks Oreo, always a pleasure.
I wasn’t aware that you were an expert in the vagaries of academia.
None the less, I shall remain proud of my first from Scumbag College; my MA from a Russell Group and a teaching degree.

crazyH

Thank you all again- will update after our trip to Bluestone

Sorry CrazyH, I should not have allowed someone to wind me up.

Best wishes to you and your grandson.

You are lovely

Don’t dwell on it. Help him to see that it genuinely isn’t the end of the world, which it really isn’t. This is just one disappointment in a young life, many more opportunities will open up to him, so help him to face them with confidence in a positive future.

GSM How do I get my posts deleted ?? I’ve realised I was far too specific but not what you mean by “outed” but I have no desire to damage them in any way

Goodness, so much talk about "success" and "failure", he's barely an adult and if that is the worst thing that happens to him in his life, I'd say he's been very successful (whatever that means). I'm sure I'm not the only one on here who "disappointed" their parents but tbh I wasn't born to give my parents what they desired and neither is your GS. We all have to find our own way and decide for ourselves what we want out of life. Just give him love and let him know you value him for who he is, not what he "might" become. Don't worry, I bet he'll be fine.

Just report your posts and ask for them to be deleted, explaining why. What I mean by outed is making yourself and others identifiable. I know you’re a proud mum, with good reason, and meant no harm - but anyone can read what we post here so best to be cautious.

Hopefully, he will be able to resit the exams he failed so that he can pass his degree. There is always a way forward, even if it seems as if his world has fallen apart at the moment. He will be feeling a form of grief at the moment and this will be exacerbated by the knowledge of his mother's disappointment and disapproval. My daughter was on course for a first or 2:1 in her degree. In her final term, my father, her grandfather was dying and, as she had always been very close to him, she was naturally extremely upset. This affected one of her exams and she graduated with a 2:2. After the pandemic, she was accepted back into the same university where she had originally studied. The tutors knew her and her capabilities and she was accepted onto the Masters course. She passed her Masters with distinction across the board. Things seem bleak for your grandson but life has a way of working itself out.

I am glad that he has you there for him. He needs support and encouragement, he will ind his own way. If he really wants a degree, he can return at any time and at any age. Doors will open for him, there are many opportunities for him. Maybe he could look into volunteering for a while such as VSO. There are other routes to fulfilment other than a degree.

Just give him loads of love, comfort food and space to think about his options bless him. Let him spend the rest of the summer resting and deciding what his future entails. He Will reunite with his family eventually and decide what’s best for him. Good wishes for you both

Op does not say reason for failure. Did he not do the work or is he just not academic?
A big difference. Dreadful situation to be in - high achieving family and you are expected to be the same but aren't.
You made fab friends at uni had one long party and did no work.
You deliberately failed as an act of rebellion against family pressure.
Wondering which of the above is nearest fit. Op's response to vary accordingly.

My 4 kids all went to uni and 3 of them have higher degrees, PhDs etc. The one who earns the most and has the ‘best’ job? The one who left after 2nd year, married at 20, and started work with the public service. My grandson, her son, is about to graduate as a medical doctor after studying for 7 years- he has several degrees. These days, when so many have degrees in so many different fields , I’m not sure anyone cares anymore. Our family is what you would call a bunch of academics, profs, lecturers etc. - bad pay, long hours and not at all what it used to be !

My god daughter failed her finals, resat the year and then still just failed one exam which she is resitting again in a couple of weeks. They really want her to pass! Communication is so important. Just try to make sure that as many lines as possible are open.