School refuser, advice needed!

Unfortunately my 5’2” DD is unable to just take her 6’1” son to school! Believe me I wish it was that simple. A college apprenticeship is an option we explored, because we realise he is very much like the rest of our family he is more comfortable using practical skills rather than academic. The problem is that after many meetings with his last school and constantly being called in to collect him on the days she was able to get him there, the school suggested he be home schooled. They said he would probably do better. So my daughter changed her working hours and pulled him out of school and told them she was home schooling him. Now she has enquired about enrolling him in a college nearby to do a practical course and has been told that because she voluntarily decided to homeschool him, she would have to fund the cost of any course herself. She can’t afford to do that. I couldn’t believe that this was the case until I read the email myself! Right now I just feel that if we could just convince the education authorities, the very same one that refused to help with a practical college course, that he is safe and we are doing everything we can to support him, for the next two years he will come out the other side in one piece. As much as his uncle would take him out on jobs with him now, because he is quite a mature young person, legally he isn’t allowed. Again thank you all. There are some excellent suggestions which I will pass on to my daughter to explore.

Now she has enquired about enrolling him in a college nearby to do a practical course and has been told that because she voluntarily decided to homeschool him, she would have to fund the cost of any course herself

This is totally unacceptable, sankev.

Are you in the UK?
If so, the Local Authority has a statutory duty under the Education Act 1996 to ensure children in their area receive a suitable, full-time education.

If any child unable to attend school for any reason the LA also has a statutory duty under the Education Act 1996 to ensure children in their area receive a suitable alternative education.

Your DD needs to contact her local Councillor, perhaps MP too, as the LA is failing in its duty to your DGS to find and fund suitable education for him.

Jojo1950

Just send/take him to school. No other way.
He’s playing up because he has no father. Sorry but not unusual.

Give me strength. 🤦🏼‍♀️

petra

Jojo1950

Just send/take him to school. No other way.
He’s playing up because he has no father. Sorry but not unusual.

Give me strength. 🤦🏼‍♀️

Are you volunteering to go and take him yourself, Jojo1950?

He is NOT choosing to be naughty!!!
He is a distressed, unhappy boy. And needs help, support and kindness.
I must say, your choice of words show an incredible lack of awareness and emotional intelligence.

Allira

petra

Jojo1950

Just send/take him to school. No other way.
He’s playing up because he has no father. Sorry but not unusual.

Give me strength. 🤦🏼‍♀️

Are you volunteering to go and take him yourself, Jojo1950?

It's bad enough strapping a toddler into his car seat when he doesn't want to go to nursery!

You definitely need to harangue the local authority regarding funding for the college course as colleges do have capacity to take 14 year olds, however it might be on a course for those unable to access school. You no need to enquire about alternative provision. Also, please be aware that when considering an apprenticeship once he’s 16, there is quite a large element of written work under these newer style apprenticeships. Also, please ignore the ignorant people who think that mum can just get a 14 year old to school. Seriously, where do these people come from.

Apprentices will need GCSEs to a certain grade before they'll even be considered.

Allira

Apprentices will need GCSEs to a certain grade before they'll even be considered.

Are you sure? A commis chef apprenticeship for example doesn't need GCSEs. I think any Level 2 course is the same.

Electrician, Mechanic, Plumbing apprentices etc need 5 GCSEs at grades A-C to be accepted, including English, Maths and generally a Science.

Allira
www.google.com/url?q=https://higherin.com/careers-advice/exploring-options/apprenticeships-without-gcses&sa=U&sqi=2&ved=2ahUKEwixp7Sxo4aTAxV9a0EAHZb_C9QQFnoECCYQAQ&usg=AOvVaw1EQCb_WNkei9namRPSzbW4

Level 2, no GCSE’s required.

Interesting. As school doesn't suit everyone, it could be a route in. However, the two year course aims towards five GCSEs too, necessary for anyone who wants to go on and qualify as a skilled tradesperson.

They don’t have to have GCSEs although an employer might prefer a candidate to have maths and English. However if they don’t have them they’ll need to do Functional Skills quals in these subjects.

I don't want to employ a tradesperson, especially an electrician, who has not managed to gain a qualification in Maths, English and Physics.

Allira

I don't want to employ a tradesperson, especially an electrician, who has not managed to gain a qualification in Maths, English and Physics.

They might be perfectly able to do the job but not good at sitting written exams. I get terrible brain fog when I am working under exam conditions but can understand and use the stuff I have learned in every day work.

I don't think some posters understand skilled apprenticeships and what they entail at all.

sankev - please google PDA - Pathological Demand Avoidance - this is a neurodivergent state characterised by the need to avoid everyday demands since they represent anxieties and place the person who has PDA out of control. I know you've said you think he's simply being naughty, and others have suggested the GP and children's mental health services but sadly this particular service is under-resourced given the proliferation of ADHD diagnoses among teenagers and your grandson will wait for a long time. The private sector would be your way forward if affordable and a psychologist with expertise in adolescent behaviour would at least be able to tell you after just one appointment whether or not your grandson is truly neurodivergent and masking his anxieties with non-co-operative behaviour or is just being naughty as you put it. I suspect it's the former - sorry, but there's usually a reason why teenagers don't want to go to school and that's to do with the belief that they can't cope in that environment for any number of reasons.

Allira. If they don’t have GCSE maths when they start their apprenticeship, they will need to do Functional Skills maths as part of their apprenticeship which is a more practical approach to maths. Particularly with the trades, it’s a more practical approach with both the trade and maths quals complementing each other. What do you think an apprenticeship entails?

Allira

I don't want to employ a tradesperson, especially an electrician, who has not managed to gain a qualification in Maths, English and Physics.

Personally, I would prefer to employ a well trained and able electrician, rather than one who has gained a ualification in maths, English, physics, but who is really useless at electrical work.

Allira

I don't think some posters understand skilled apprenticeships and what they entail at all.

We do but know that there are other ways to skin a cat. As others have said, they may not have GCSE's but have other ways of acquiring these skills. Working practically and seeing these skills in action is often a far better way to learn the things you are talking about. You can then build upon them.

M0nica

Allira

I don't want to employ a tradesperson, especially an electrician, who has not managed to gain a qualification in Maths, English and Physics.

Personally, I would prefer to employ a well trained and able electrician, rather than one who has gained a ualification in maths, English, physics, but who is really useless at electrical work.

FGS!

So - someone who is useless at Maths and Physics and can't string a sentence together is supposed to have the ability to become a competent and qualified electrician?

No wonder able and clever pupils are hesitant about becoming tradespeople when they are so disparaged by the intellectual elite.

One of my DDs has been trying to get help from CAMHS for years now. One of her daughters is currently an angel at school but continues to cause havoc at home. She has tantrums for no apparent reason before school (she wants Mum to take her in the car). She’s rude, uncooperative, refuses food if she doesn’t fancy it, only showers/washes once a week, won’t put her clothes away, bullies both her Mum and her fraternal twin. She just says no quite often and can’t be shifted! School is aware of this (junior school) and is very supportive to her. The authorities until recently have refused to help but things have started moving!

My GD wrote a letter to herself after Christmas accusing herself of being horrible, doesn’t deserve Xmas presents, hates herself etc. etc. My daughter took it to the doctors and told him yet again that all was not well. She’s finally having initial help from SIPS/CAMHS from referral from her doctor.

The counsello she spoke to asked relevant questions, asked her about GD, asked DD about her own mental health including does she have counselling, is she taking anti-depressants….
She will be completing some other forms to give more complete information. DD is separated from her partner and he is only interested in being Wonderful Daddy. He also has similar symptoms to DG!

You might find the following interesting:
www.pdasociety.org.uk/support-and-training/support/#support-tabs%7C1

www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/behaviour/demand-avoidance#The%20history%20of%20and%20debate%20about%20the%20PDA%20label

www.differentnotdeficient.co.uk/

www.neurospectrum.co.uk/

Have a read through the websites I’ve sent to you if you think it will help. I’ve found it very difficult to to support my DD and GD. Puberty has probably made the whole thing worse and DD has quite a hot tempter and is borderline ‘different’. She asked me if I would help her fill in the information sheets as we both have different experiences with DG.

My thoughts are with you. It’s all so difficult but I hope you can find help somewhere.

Love 💐💐

Again many thanks to those who are taking the time to share their experiences and give some insight into different aspects and options. I will look at your suggestions golden age, we really are willing to try everything. I said in one of my previous posts I thought he was choosing to be naughty, this was wrong. What I meant was I don’t believe he has the typical ADHD or ASD traits. Obviously some mental health issues are involved or he wouldn’t just choose not to do anything he doesn’t! But he’s not actually a naughty young man but he is extremely stubborn and strong willed. As for his future apprenticeship, this will be on the job training and he is more than capable practically and quite honestly academically! Thankfully he won’t be competing with others for the job as his uncle is willing to take him on and train him and pay for him to sit the relevant exams. Can I just say to the many people out there who are going through the same thing I feel for you all. And the people who are successful in homeschooling then give yourselves a pat on the back.

keepingquiet

OP I don't think it is wrong to just let him be. Sometimes what these kids need is a bit of space. He sounds like a good lad with lots of practical skills that could be put to good use.

I completely agree

sankev

Again many thanks to those who are taking the time to share their experiences and give some insight into different aspects and options. I will look at your suggestions golden age, we really are willing to try everything. I said in one of my previous posts I thought he was choosing to be naughty, this was wrong. What I meant was I don’t believe he has the typical ADHD or ASD traits. Obviously some mental health issues are involved or he wouldn’t just choose not to do anything he doesn’t! But he’s not actually a naughty young man but he is extremely stubborn and strong willed. As for his future apprenticeship, this will be on the job training and he is more than capable practically and quite honestly academically! Thankfully he won’t be competing with others for the job as his uncle is willing to take him on and train him and pay for him to sit the relevant exams. Can I just say to the many people out there who are going through the same thing I feel for you all. And the people who are successful in homeschooling then give yourselves a pat on the back.

I think your lovely DGS will be fine. If he’s able to at least do something each day working towards his apprenticeship, keep himself occupied and stay out of trouble, frankly I would be inclined to leave him be.

School and academia really isn’t the be all and end all, it’s just we are “structured” in this way.