Denied contact with grandchildren

I did not give misleading information. Signing in and out on a planned visit ie: parents evening or a performance is the bare minimum. That planned visit should be risk assessed as I said. Volunteers coming into the school should be DBS checked. Contractors coming into school should also be DBS checked, accompanied by a member of staff at all times or come outside school hours. So perhaps that is why OP was not believed by her daughter, not by me who fully understands corners are cut here and there all though I would not do that as I take my job very seriously. I would like you to respect my wish that we discontinue this conversation. You are making me feel very uncomfortable in what I thought was a friendly space and I shouldn't have to defend my character to you.

Mmm- do not speak to me further. I meant no harm to anyone and I don't appreciate your determination otherwise. I will afford you the same courtesy
But apparently you won't!.

Dear me, this really isn't about a school play at all is it? What on earth has the world become when a teacher/head can't ask GP who are known to them to pop in for 5 minutes.

Of course any attempt to harm children is wrong and security has to be in place. A key code,a secretary,a clear policy is what is needed.

Is no child harmed ever? Sadly as we know, evil people will find a way.

The problem is not about the school play, I think it goes back to the property and the child care and possible MH issues???

Trisher you need to stop challenging me by name so that I can stop needing to defend myself to you. Please use your common sense. I do apologise if I got caught up in the problem with the play. I was simply trying to understand why a daughter would stop speaking to a parent over that. It makes no sense to me. I hope they find a way to work through this.

Having read it all again, OP states that the parents refused to believe the head let her in to see the play.
What I have missed is that the daughter alleges the OP snuck in. That makes no sense either as it would be incredibly hard for anyone to sneak into a school. Not impossible if doors were open at the right times, but generally someone would notice a stranger without a visitor badge and address the issue.

Yes, that is the 'issue' according to the OP's daughter Razzmatazz, she chose not to believe her mother's account which as you've stated makes no sense.

Goodness knows why they've decided to treat the OP and her poor husband so cruelly but as I posted earlier, they were looking for an excuse and seemed to find one.

Of course a telephone call to the school would have sorted this out but they clearly don't want to sort it which is why they didn't ask the school what had happened.

Neither scenario makes sense to me, but it does seem to be a misunderstanding where hurt people are lashing out at each other and escalating rather than resolving it. Often in problems it's the escalation rather than the origin that seems to break relationships for good?

I think schools in inner cities are probably more stringent than those in rural areas and OP has stated she lives on a farm . So probably does live in a rural area

having read this thread for the first time I do wonder what has developed since.

OP I hope a more positive outcome? or understanding has occurred. This is a very sad and puzzling situation. I thought that the SIL might have been behind even the changes in your DD but maybe not. It was strange how it all changed after his own DM died.

I would hope school is all areas have measures in place to protect children and young adults.

I’ve just returned to this after a while. I had thought it had come to a close.
Razzmatazz, I was a head teacher. I fully appreciate the running of a school.
My gc school is a very small private school. 13 pupils in my gc year. As such the head knows everyone very well. I dropped off and collected my gc 3 days per week at the classroom door. The play rehearsal was in the form of an assembly with the whole school present. Others who could not get to the one performance were there.
Yes, it doesn’t make any sense.
We too have come to the conclusion that it was just an excuse.
Sadly, we believe that it was all about wanting to sell the property and make a land grab. The original agreement between us was that the barn was for them to live in. We did not want to do it if they just wanted to sell. They agreed to this at the time. Unfortunately this was only verbal.
They are now trying to claim the field behind the barn. We are having to go to court.
We still have no contact with the gc as sil says we are dangerous. Our solicitor referred to the situation as a form of blackmail.
This is our retirement home. We looked forward to a peaceful life.
We have unfortunately learned the hard way the importance of getting all agreements even with family in writing.

Everything in writing, even with your own children. I loaned some money to each of my children (interest free of course ), which they had to pay back monthly (small amount). It was all done in writing, signed, sealed and delivered.

Deb, have you thought about trying a family mediator? In some cases courts ask for that anyway as a first step? I don't know if that applies to this situation. It might help you guys to work through this and understand the real reasons here... Even if it just proves you right. Or it may be that you can save yourself retirement money.

so sorry OP. A rotten state of affairs.

Or there is the old saying "mad with grief" maybe your sil is going through something after losing his mother and needs help

His mother died good Friday morning. He immediately went to see his father. Our daughter and the kids spent all Easter weekend with us. They constantly texted each other about the motor home they would buy with the inheritance money that weekend. Alarm bells should have rung in my head. Can’t see any evidence of grief there.
Realise that sounds bitter but it is a factual account of what happened.

Hmmm... If the parents had ever asked her not to come to school events, for whatever reason, or not to come unless they invite her, that may be why they were angry at her going o the rehearsal. In fact, if attending school events has been an issue between them, that may be why they didn't believe her. However, there does seem to be more going on there than just that.

Lindadrew, I'm so sorry your planned visit was canceled and that you have dealt w/ the drama of family problems both as a child and a GP. Do you really think your parents were "snakes" though? What reasons did they give you, if any, for cutting off so much family? You must have missed them terribly and again, I'm so sorry.

As for your GC, it sounds as if DS is trying. Perhaps he should talk it over w/ XDIL before he gives you an answer in the future though? Then you won't get all prepared, just to be disappointed. Does he have visitation? Perhaps he can bring your GC to see you on his time, now and then? In that case, I don't think XDIL will be able to prevent it.

Deb, I'm sorry this has come to a court case. I hope it is all worked out as quickly and fairly as possible. But I know court cases can take a long time. Sadly, while you're in litigation, I doubt the personal relationship will improve. Please keep us posted. xx

I would definately try a mediator to get to the bottom of it as it sounds very petty about not asking about a school play. She should be thankful you watched the school play so tge child didn’t have no one