Is there anyone here whose estranged adult child re-established contact?

A shocking tale of use and abuse Unhappy; I'm so sorry.

It's a terrible thing to do to you and to your GS. Taking away the grand mother he knows and loves is unforgivable. You've done all that you can and hopefully one day you'll be able to tell your GS how hard you fought to stay in his life.

You may like to take a look at the 'Support for those living with estrangement' thread. It really does help sharing with those in the same situation as yourself.

Thank you so much smileless2012....it does help when people give positive feedback...I received formal confirmation from court today saying case dismissed. Tbh the court was only considering 1 and half hours per month...meeting in a public place...not allowed to take him out in my car..parents said they had concerns over my driving(been driving 39yrs..no Accidents ithankfully) How on earth would I have had a relationship with my grandson? I hope my post does not deter other grandparents for going to court...I tried I failed...but I'm sure others may succeed...the law should change for sure...sign me up...thank u again..

Just to add to my post...you are charged a fee of around £250 for application to court...if on pension...you can apply for help with fees...I did this and was not charged...I was on pension credit..

We did look into going to court Unhappy but decided against as we last saw our GC when he was just 8 months old and weren't even in a position to show that we'd established a relationship with him because we hadn't.

TBH I'm shocked that you failed as you clearly did have a relationship with your GC. One and a half hours a month, how ridiculous. So much for the Children Act which states that children have a right to know their extended family.

So they lied, presumably under oath; it seems there are no depths that some wont sink too. I'm so sorry and hope that you'll be able at some point to move on from this.

We've been estranged from our youngest son and only GC for more than 6.5 years. We have managed to re build our lives and have found peace and happiness. I hope that eventually you'll be able to do so.

Smileless2012..I am sorry you have been in this situation...and happy to know you are soldering on in such a positive way..not easy I know. The magistrates accepted I had a close and loving relationship with my grandson..but my son and his partner were so opposed to me seeing him...that my grandson...would be caught in the middle...My son has had his 'pound of flesh'...he gets no more from...your words have really helped..and sorry for rambling on....let's hope your future holds more happiness..I will think of u..x

My daughter told us never to contact her, or her husband again after we refused to re-lend her our pension pot the day they finally paid it back because my husband wanted to retire and there was a huge row about it. We all said things we regret.
She also told her children to never contact us again (although the eldest does sometimes, he's an adult although it puts all of us in an awkward position because he doesn't want his parents to know).
However she sometimes contacts me by email, always when she wants something and then suddenly drops contact again. She turned up on the doorstep last week but we weren't in. I wouldn't have known unless my neighbour had mentioned it in passing. My neighbour doesn't know about any of this btw.

Actually my husband and said things we regret, but I have no idea if they regret what they said about us, to be honest, I just hope they do.

should read 'my husband and I'

Saying things we later regret happens in all relationships LondonGranny however, your post suggests it was your's and your H's refusal to re lend money that has led to your D cutting you out of her's and her children's lives, rather than the argument that followed.

It's good that your GS who is old enough to make his own decisions contacts you, but a shame that he does so without his parents knowing and that puts you all in an awkward position.

I hope that you find some sort of resolution and IMO you'd be wise to refuse to give your D anything she asks for, until your relationship is on a much better footing.

I'd want to know my AC wanted us for who we are, rather than what we can provide. .

There is a world of difference between helping your AC and allowing yourself to be abused by them . Smileless your last sentence says it all really. I wonder just how many parents even dare to think of putting that to the test? The parents who do are very lucky indeed.

Is there any other relationship where any of us would tolerate being blackmailed, apart from the relationship we have with our own child(ren)n love0c?

If not for some of the sad stories we read here on GN, would we ever have thought it possible that some parents could be held to ransom by their own AC?

Withdrawing themselves and their children unless they get what they want; it beggars belief.

I know it does beggar belief Smileless. My husband and I have put up with so much 'unfair treatment' trying to keep it polite!! that we have almost buckled under it all. I know we must try to change the way we allow ourselves to be treated. However, it is so damned hard and we don't even really know how to go about it. Trying to think of how and when we could be a bit firmer. A start would be good for us!!

I'm an estranged child and I have been told by a close family member that my NM only has interest in my kids. I've been told that I am supposed to crawl back begging so that she can then cut me off because I have "hurt" her too much by estranging. They thought it was odd that she would say that... I said I wasn't comfortable talking about it because I don't think it is my place to influence her relationships with others. I'm not like her

Starblaze I am so sorry you have been treated so unfairly by your NM. I applaud you for not involving yourself in 'giving your side' to the family member. You are clearly moving on and accepting the way you have been treated. I do tend to feel a little uncomfortable for you in relation to this 'close' family member informing you of what your mother has supposedly said. Not helpful I think. Stay as you are, you are doing so well! Inner strength is the best strength to have!

Thankyou Love0c I totally get what you are saying. I really don't feel comfy talking to family about her. It just feels wrong and you never know what has been twisted or exaggerated or what reason they have to make themselves a go-between. So I just don't engage, change the subject, ask how they are doing... Sometimes they don't like that and don't talk to me at all again.

I'm not really sure why my dd cut me out of her life 11 years ago just before her wedding. I know my 2nd husband is a problem to both my dc, but to not see my gs, ever, is sole destroying. I have met my gd once. I still get on reasonably with my ex. I often feel I've made my bed and must lie in it. I worked long and hard, had a few weeks off with both my children and retired ,ill, very early with a good pension. I sometimes wonder why, although I do have a good life and really love my dh.

123Kitty
Starlady always writes in that fashion. I don't bother reading her posts.

My second oldest EAC made contact a few years ago by email, saying that he had decided things would be better with me in his life. We exchanged emails and I sent him Christmas presents, which he acknowledged and thanked me for.
This went on for a couple of months until he sent me his last email saying simply that he had changed his mind. It was a kick in the stomach but deep down I had never trusted this olive branch. He is a very vindictive person. I realised it had all been a set up. It must have given him great malicious satisfaction. My reply to him was 'OK'. No contact ever since.
To be honest I don't want to be reconciled. I don't need his kind of nastiness in my life. I still love the little boy he was but the man he has become is not someone I want to know.

How awful supergabs he must be extremely vindictive and cruel to do such an awful thing.

Like you, I don't want to be reconciled either. I could never trust our ES son again. Once they've done something you'd never have thought possible, whose to say they wouldn't do it again.

"I still love the little boy he was but the man he has become is not someone I want to know". I feel exactly the same.

.

We are now back in contact with my MIL and have been for a few months.

I never, I'm 20 million years, did I EVER think we would be. Ever. Can't stress that enough. I never thought we could put it behind us and move on.

But we have. Its been spoke about. Alot. Both sides. We've all had a cry, been honest, we have listened to each other and apologises have been sprinkled around like glitter.
and its been put to rest.

It's been bloody lovely. It's more natural now than it's ever, EVER been. We have all changed, grew and all grown up abit.

It can happen.

That's lovely March it will be a really happy Christmas for you all.

I have been interested in this post/thread but agree with some others about the acronyms, so annoying and they are not all in the list in the acronym tab at the top, for example...AC, CO, IMO.
It spoils the flow of the posts and they can't always be guessed at. I am by no means a computer or technology luddite but I am not a big texter nor a facebook afficionado so do not know them and have to google for the answer.

Yes, we were estranged from our daughter for 16 months. We missed her terribly, and we agreed to disagree over the original trauma. This all happened in 2016. The elephant is still peaking through the doorway, but not right in the room! She had changed at the time, but is gradually returning to her old self. Love conquered in our case.

endlesssstrife it's good to see there are some happy endings to estrangement, especially at this difficult time of the year.

I went no contact with my late mother for 1 year; the reason at the time was to do with her drinking, which had become steadily worse through my teen years and into my 20’s and eventually made her unbearable to be around much of the time. Sadly it took my fathers death to get her to seek help! however once she did I resumed contact and we had a fab relationship right up to her death 12 years ago.
The thing that I struggle with reading these threads is that the AC often don’t seem to tell the parents why they are cutting them out! Time and again posters state they have wracked their brains to see a reason and that the AC have just told them to “work it out” When I cut my mother off I told her clearly why and what she could do to put it right anything less seems down right unfair to me! I struggle to understand why people cut others out with no explanation!