Child arrangement court order

Razz your first response was one of those apologies that is actually not an apology. Thank you for the second one which I accept.

Hithere Sat 31-Aug-19 23:05:38

"I feel bad for gp if their son is uninterested in having a relationship with the gc (the son of their son)
If it was my son, I would be ashamed of him. No good parent abandons their child(ren)"

I think I agree, can't think of any situation when I would abandon mine but then I don't have any issues with mine so probably don't fully understand. I would also like to turn that round and say that 'no good child would abandon their parent'. I think it works both ways.

People used to say the same about women who divorced Nonnie

And lets face it, in many families the duty of keeping in contact and caring for elder members still falls to women, and it is the women who usually get the blame for estrangements

You see it again and again in real life and on here:

The daughters are expected to carry the care burden of elderly relatives whereas the sons (not all!!) Swoop in now and then and get praised for it.

Women who dont do it get harshly judged. Men are allowed to be too "busy".

Nobody should take on care duties out of "duty". Only out of love. And if the family was never loving to start with, the AC who walk away shouldnt be harshly judged. (The sons usually arent anyway)

Non ie a fake apology would be if I was sorry "if," my comment hurt you, I was sorry "that" it hurt you and both comments were together. I never inteded to hurt you, but I can see I did.

Smile I don't remember seeing that sorry, sometimes not all the comments appear. It is Cafcass I have come across.

Anyway, I am back at work tomorrow and I don't think I will be back here because I feel quite persecuted by some members. I feel like I am being held to high standards of perfect behaviour that others aren't. I feel like I am not defended if treated unfairly like other members are. Commenting here has been a mixed bag and I have had some lovely support, but some of that support has been tarnished. It's making me deeply unhappy. I wish you all the best for the future.

Best wishes to you too Razz.

I’m sorry to see you go*razz*. I wish you well. Thank you for your perspectives and insights

Happy return to work, razz!

You will be missed

Best wishes, Razz! I found your posts helpful and informative, comforting. Hopefully folks like you that seek boards for help and encouragement will not feel so displaced in the future. Estrangement is a very biased topic to begin with, and camps on either side are somewhat vigilant to their cause, IMO. You may find better acceptance on searching for 'adult children of estranged parents' where the support is more aligned to those that have suffered abuse from our parents.

Fortunately, there many, many studies being done on support groups, forums and blogs that bring to light the topics and divisions, and I'm hopeful that in the future much of the barriers between GPs and ACs may diminish from knowledge the knowledge gained therein.

One such study is here (there are many others), that you may find helpful:

www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/

Razzmatazz123...I agree with you and sympathise. I understand I think, and empathise with your feelings, I've felt that too from some posters.

Best wishes and good luck for your future too

notanan2 Sun 01-Sep-19 12:39:35 same as what please?

Twenty do you also have a suggested for parents who are abused by their children?

This post is a very interesting read.

Yes it is LostChild there are certainly some well stated opposing points of view.

At least it looks to be quite a tough, but fair process with lots of measures in place to protect kids and find the right outcome for them in it all. Hard not to imagine my mum coming after my kids when I think about it though.

Nonnie, no I’m sorry that I do not, although I’m certain that there are some out there, and maybe even local support groups for elder-abuse vicitims that are assaulted or taken advantage of by their ACs. My personal search has been for my own and my family’s healing and support from abuse at the hands of my parents and sibling, so that is what I’ve looked for.

That got me thinking nonnie. I wonder if within the context of parents abused by their AC if estrangement is included.

One tends to think of financial and those horrifying accounts of physical abuse. Estrangement may I suppose be taken into account when looking at emotional abuse.

Yes, Smile I cannot see that there is any difference between a child cutting off a parent and a parent cutting off a child. Surely we should all have a certain amount of empathy for those who see things a little differently to us? I am of course not suggesting that those who have been abused should stay in an abusive relationship but that normal every day differences should be tolerated by all sides.

Unfortunately on this thread there are some only speaking about their own experiences and closing their minds to different points of view. Such a shame on what I thought was a discussion thread but each to their own.

I see some things differently to my ACs and their partners, sometimes we discuss them and sometimes we just let it pass. I expect they feel the same about me. However we all accept that we are different people and never argue about any differences. Tolerant adults should be able to get along if both sides try.

Somehow, some way, we need to get to the bottom of why people are becoming abusive full stop. Is it a problem with how they are raised,at home, at school, other influences? Mental health: in which case, what caused it? Drug or alcohol abuse: why do they need a crutch to get through life? Spousal abuse: How and why do they not have the tools in place to recognise an unhealthy relationship? Where and when are people being failed?

If only we knew LostChild but then if we do and the child is an adult, what can we do about it?

Other influences and the inability to "recognise an unhealthy relationship" certainly figure in our son's estrangement but that said, we had no idea just how unhealthy his relationship was and is, until it was too late.

If we'd realised before it was too late, what could we have done, they were married and had their first child? It was too late; too late for us and too late for him.

Lost I appreciate how you feel, wish I had an answer, possibly social media? It does sometimes feel that 'Me Too' ought to cover much more than it does. I was taught to say 'Jane and I went to ......' but now most seem to say 'me and Jane went to.....'. Looks like the emphasis is now on putting oneself first apart from being grammatically incorrect.

Smile It must be hard to recognise an unhealthy relationship if you have been brought up in a loving family with empathy. How then could you recognise the sort of 'love' which is unhealthy. Sometimes I think we bring our children up to assume love is caring for others and they trust too much.

That reminded me of something that happened years ago when ES was at primary school Nonnie. He came home one day and said 'mum, I think a lot of families are weird but we're one of the normal ones'.

What ever insight he had then, he lost.

I think it's just bad grammar rather than any choice over who they put first. Another new trend is to say "no problem" instead of "you are welcome". Older generations tend to find this rude, but if you think about it, no problem means they did not mind doing this task for you whereas you are welcome implies they put themselves out.

Re: estrangement as emotional abuse, surely estrangement is a better alternative than someone who is forced to talk to their parents and as a result Is extremely unpleasant?

I have heard In some schools they are now teaching “me and” vs “so and so and I”