Cut out of the estranged GPs will, dilemma!

The link you've provided doesn't support your view that "disinheriting seems to be another opportunity for the parent to show their deepest pain - rejection, and to lash out" ananimous.

Challenge Accepted ??

This is more explanatory...

www.youtube.com/watch?v=FAxkcPoLYcQ&list=PL-RQsZ-6oVvjx54Dh0eJtVLy5ZYNXJ6To&index=3

...So there was no right OR wrong answer.

The End.

'We interrupt this thread to annoy you and make things generally more irritating'

Fiachna50 I couldn't care less.

I don't imagine AC do either, inheritance is unimportant after death.

I read here, people don't care.

It wasn't a challenge ananimous merely an observation.

I don't think anyone should "expect" an inheritance. Money always causes so many arguments when people die. My mother died recently, and although I didn't live with her growing up, she left her money to me and my siblings, also a couple of other people and some to charity. On the day of her funeral, my cousin, who maybe met her once, came out of the woodwork and started taking over at her house, sorting through all her personal stuff, trying to take stuff, and then accused me of taking stuff away from the house (my siblings all knew I had it). That I do not understand! I had to be a bit rude in the end and point out it was my mother's stuff and therefore she had zero rights to any of it unless we said she could have it! People are very strange when it comes to death and inheritance.

I told someone I didn’t want his blood money. Does that count?

I am not sure that parents are usually responsible for estrangement. Every situation will have different nuances even if they appear to be the same.

I’ve known families where musical wills are played all the time. Life’s too short to be bribed by manipulators.

Thanks for answering my questions, V3ra! So sorry DH's aunt cut out your children that way. Very odd.

Strange about the flat, also. Unless she forgot what she said or (sigh) promised it to more than one person w/o thinking.

Gillybob, my deepest condolences on the loss of your aunt. How kind of you to encourage a relationship between her and your DS (dear son), especially since she was CO (cut off) from her own daughter.

I'm sorry your uncle gave all her jewelry to your sister, after she died, totally "skipping over" (for want of a better expression) you. And though once it was hers, your sis had a right to sell it, IMO, that was thoughtless of her to do w/o consulting you and seeing if you wanted any, etc. But why would your uncle do this "as a kind of punishment?" A "punishment" for what exactly?

"Some of the reasons I have seen for cutting people off are very minor."

Me too, but sometimes, I think whether it's "major" or "minor" is in the proverbial eye of the beholder.

"I think if one of my children estranged I would still share equally because I would want the siblings to still have good relationships and wouldn't want to be putting any favouritism in there. It's a tough subject really and I think it really depends on intention rather than the act itself x."

Agree w/ all of what you're saying here, Yennifer. Also, I'd be worried about the estranged AC trying to contest the will and taking the others to court, etc. If I felt some AC deserved more than one who went NC, I would give it to/spend it on them while I was still alive. The estranged AC probably wouldn't even know about it, and it would be part and parcel of the estrangement anyhow (can't very well spend on someone who has gone NC, surely). But that's just me...

LKSPHD, your pain and anger definitely come through your post. Lots of hugs!

Ive definitely seen before where EPs have disinherited their EAC or are spending the money they planned to leave to them, etc. I get that it can be part of scapegoating. But from what Ive seen, sometimes it's just a response to the sorrow of being CO by their EAC, as I feel it is in LKSPHD's case.

Razzy, my deepest sympathies on the loss of your mum. As for your cousin, IMO, she was way out of line! And so cruel in your time of sorrow. I'm sorry it came to that, but glad you stood up to her. Good for you!

So glad my DSs don't care whether we leave them anything or not. They want us to enjoy what we have and not leave it to them. Of course there are others who might think they have a claim but they will have to take it up with DSs when we are gone. DSs will judge for themselves on how others have behaved.

Starlady, definitely ways to make sure it doesn't cause conflict after you are gone x

I am not estranged do anything I have goes to my children. I cannot however see it as their right. The comment that it is always the parents who are responsible for their children's disfunctional behaviour. What a sweeping statement and so untrue. If someone makes your life unbearably hard, denying you contact with grandchildren, that want nothing to do with you, why would you leave that child anything? By pass them and leave it to the grandchildren. How can you live with yourself not knowing if your mother or father was well or needed help, it's beyond me. If it's abuse, I see that, but not a clash of personality. So, it's up to you to whom and what you leave. They feel they have no duty to you after all.

Yes it is a sweeping statement and a false one Sparkling.

Mr. S. had surgery yesterday, he's OK but it didn't go as planned and there were complications. With DS in Aus. I had the longest 5 hours of my life waiting for him to get back to the ward and not knowing what was going on.

What I wouldn't have given to have had ES to talk too during that time. I've never felt so alone.

Oh Smile that sounds very hard. I do hope you are coping. I sometimes think it is harder to watch a loved one being ill than to be ill yourself. Big virtual hug.

I understand that loneliness Smileless. Hope Mr S is on the road to recovery now. Another hidden pain of estrangement.

As to my intentions re inheritance to an estranged AC. For the sake of harmony with syblings and because my AC is still my child and I will always love that AC, I will leave the same amount as the rest.
But as I help my children whenever I can financially while I'm living and, continue to do so, my estranged AC misses out on that support.
Also if my AC refuses the inheritance that money gets split between the syblings.

Thank you Nonnie and Granniesunite.

I am not trying to be humorous, I will just say in complete honesty that I do not have a great amount of money to leave.
I have helped out my daughter who is now estranged and have always provided what has been asked of me for the grand-children so my finances took a dip.

I had contact with my now estranged grand-children and have been putting money aside for them which I will save and leave some clear paperwork stating that the money left is solely for them. In all I have three children and I have told the other two who are not estranged that there will only be some money when I have gone for the grand-children.

Smiless, I am so sorry your husband had a tough time yesterday and hopefully he's now on the mend, I feel for you on your own at such a time, you have a son and family not far away and yet you were not supported, I find that very hard. It's not right.
Sending you my best wishes ?

Sorry things didn't go as planned, Smileless, and that you felt so alone. Hope things are going better by the time you read this.

3granny6, if your finances "took a dip" b/c you helped out your GC, IMO, that' was money well spent.

Granniesunite, love your post! I think you've figured things out very wisely.

It certainly makes a difficult time all the harder to deal with Sparkling especially as we were so close to ES and there was a time when he'd have been here for us. Just to have heard his voice would have made all the difference. Still, there's no point on dwelling what will never be is there.

He's doing OK thanks Starlady and as long as he's OK, so am I.

}}}Hugs{{{ Smileless Hope alls well this morning & that you & Mr.S are chatting away happily, pain free in body & heart. God Bless you both xxx

Yogagirl thank you xx

Starlady : As you say that if my money helped the grand-children then that is money well spent, in fact any thing given to my grand-children from me came from my generosity and a good heart although some extended family told me I continuously thought of the GC and to step back and care about myself. IMO if I saw the GC perhaps in need of new school shoes and they had not been bought within a couple of weeks then I would just go and buy them myself when I was able to see the GCs faces when I arrived with new shoes or anything else that was payment enough for me.