The 'Perception Filter'...

Smileless, its your redit link that won't work for me. Takes me to a Spanish website front page. I've never come across this guy before, I don't know enough without watching more videos etc which I probably don't have time for. I am a big fan of Narcissism Survivor though, when he talks he makes me feel like he cares

I think he describes how I felt very well youtu.be/S_mYr6hRBsg

I didn't put it on as a link just the info you'd need to access the site Starblaze. It's where people have been putting their comments about him.

I'd never come across him before either thank goodness, and certainly wont be looking at anything else from him in the future.

Smileless -- If you watch the video at all he says very clearly that the link was SENT TO HIM from one of his viewers. Again you are twisting the narrative. You say what he was doing was "trolling here" but that is not what happened. Kinda proves his point though....

"I wonder what on earth made him think he would find some 'useful material' here on GN. Not the first place I'd go too to find out about EP's experiences, especially if I lived in America."

You make what he did sound nefarious when that isn't even close to the facts.

Smileless I'm lost again. I don't have a clue what I am supposed to look at. I prefer to judge for myself though anyway and I haven't watched the whole video yet.

Being an estranged child is not and never has been a measure of how good a person is, so if it is important to you to discredit him, it's probably wasted on me. I absolutely know some estranged children become abusive and some abused children become abusive, that's what the abuse cycle is. Perpetuating the cycle doesn't mean you are wrong about your own upbringing though...

Don't put words in my mouth HolyHannah you've quoted what I posted and then accuse me of saying he was "trolling here" putting those words in quotation marks when I never used them.

So the link was "SENT TO HIM" from one of his viewers was it. I didn't watch all of it, what little I listened too was enough for me.

Of course you prefer to judge for yourself Starblaze; we all do. I agree that "Being an estranged child is not and never has been a measure of how good a person is". Likewise, being an EP isn't and never has been a measure of how bad a person is.

We can only measure ourselves against the real love and friendships that surround us

Yes that's true which is why we should always be thankful for those we have in our lives who really love us and are our true friends.

Smileless -- He said that in the first 15 seconds of the video...

"I didn't watch all of it, what little I listened too was enough for me." So not even 15 seconds? Judging something that you didn't watch... Fascinating and exactly part of what he talks about in the video.

Some people would look at my sibling and consider them to have "gotten over it", practical and productive- Rose above it-

On the surface-

Beneath the surface?

Cunning, controlling, calculating, "planner in advance", as in intent to manipulate-

They're only "getting over" on themselves-

The recommended videos are like two different dialects discussing the same related subjects, I can appreciate both-

Smileless -- When I made my comment to Starblaze I thought she had found the correct video. As for Ollie's other attitudes, I have read the Reddit post and I am aware that he has his detractors and I don't agree with his politics. That doesn't mean he can't be right on the subject of Narcissism.

Is it the whole, "If I disagree with what they have to say on one subject I will disagree/dismiss everything they say." mentality? Your ad hominem attack on him as a person and not what he said in that particular video, is exactly what the video is about.

So yeah, I do not agree with what he says at times on other subjects, but if it's a popularity contest? He seems to have way more lovers then haters. And I'm not American and my country has its own issues, so I'll not compare how he feels to how I feel or make judgments on him based on that.

P.S. The part I was talking about was around 10 minutes in... It's talking about the reasons that parents say they are estranged that WE have never heard but many EP's roll out as 'truths'.

Since you posted a screenshot and introduced the content, in order to prevent further confusion:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=5KdJZvHUfag

I have listened to the video. I am wondering where his research sources are in terms of statistics for statements such as "a large percentage of you are narcissistic toxic scumbags" referring to "baby boomers" as a generation. I understand that from his work he will have access to many many examples of toxic, abusive parents but I dont understand how that can translate to "a large percentage" of an entire generation ...presumably across the world.

Does anyone know if he gives sources for that data ...I couldnt find any details but I know I have a tendency to miss links in videos etc if they aren't staring me in the face (or even if they are sometimes!! ?)

What people like Ollie Mathew's have to say is of no interest to me. Anything of any importance, that may be helpful or useful in a discussion about estrangement is lost when aggressive and abusive language such as "narcissistic toxic scumbags" is used.

It's a clear example of someone pursuing their own agenda of attacking EP's because of their personal experiences.

Presumably one of his 'sources' was the thread that was here on GN Madgran 'the brainwashing behind going non contact' as that was the backdrop to his video. That said there weren't any "narcissistic toxic scumbags" on that thread, just EP's and EGP's sharing their pain and experiences.

It doesn't matter how the topic is presented, abrasively or gently, it isn't going to lead to meaningful discussion with anyone who continually dismisses the subject-

Madgran, would the state of the world be what it is today if prior generation"S" truly cared?

Madgran, would the state of the world be what it is today if prior generation"S" truly cared?

There is bad and good in the world today just as there has always been. There is bad and good in every generation just as there has always been.

I'm not sure why you are asking me though as my question was just if anyone has found a link to any statistical research on his comment re baby boomers.

Has anyone? I am interested to read it if there is a link available.

It doesn't matter how the topic is presented, abrasively or gently, it isn't going to lead to meaningful discussion with anyone who continually dismisses the subject-

I agree rosecarmel

I agree too but when abusive, aggressive and inflammatory language is used for me, it detracts from the issue; there's a big difference IMO between an abrasive presentation and an abusive and aggressive one.

Not being interested in what someone I regard as abusive and aggressive has to say on a particular subject, doesn't mean I'm dismissive of the subject.

In my experience, those whose rhetoric is aggressive, insulting and bullying have the least to offer.

I finished and I actually found that very empowering.

Huge amounts of children in my generation have been abused. No one wants to admit that but it's the truth. Now things were different back then, the norms were different but not every parent whose child comes to them and says "I've been damaged" is denying it. The problem is the ones that are.

What are you supposed to say as a parent? "I'm so sorry, I love you, let's fix it" or "You are just in a no contact cult and reading from a script and I was great"

How can parents like my mum truly say they love us when they didn't love us enough to stop abusing us. To let us grow up and become our own people. To let us make decisions about what sort of behaviour we are willing to tolerate. To be ourselves and when we don't fit their mould. To live by our rules and values not theirs.

My mum would never watch this video, she would have excuses and look for reasons not to watch it. Actually she would probably spend more time looking for reasons and excuses not to watch it than it would take to actually watch it.

I took a gentle approach with my mum, I tried very hard to make the relationship positive and good. Then I tried telling her how she was hurting me and that if it didn't stop, there would be no more relationship. Finally I cut her off. She was hurting me, I was no longer willing to stand there while another repeatedly caused me pain.

I wish there was a way to have this guy yell at my mum the way I never could. I've not caused her a 10th of the pain she caused me. Maybe not a 20th.

Estranging was not me causing her pain, it is pain she caused herself.

My mum had all the chances she ever needed to make it right.

Everything he said about that thread is absolutely spot on and people need to understand the real reasons why people are losing their kids. The clues are all there.

Anyone who refuses to see and understand the reason why children like me are walking away, won't see it because they are doing it themselves and have done it to their children.

Anyone who refuses to see and understand the reason why children like me are walking away, won't see it because they are doing it themselves and have done it to their children

I'm sure you're right Starblaze when it comes to EAC's experiences that are like yours but not all AC estrange for those reasons.

I wish there was a way I could have this guy yell at my mum the way I never could

Would it make any difference?

I've not caused her a 10th of the pain she caused me

Would causing her pain help you in anyway or help her to understand and/or recognise the pain she's caused you?

I didn't realise you'd read Sharon Ann Wildey's book that I referred to on this thread earlier HolyHannah 'Abandoned Parents: the Devils dilemma'. I'm assuming you have done as you wouldn't criticise me for judging a video and the person it featured without watching it, if you've judged a book and the author without reading it.

As I said, what little I listened too was enough for me.

There is no need to reverse my statements Smileless especially when I have very carefully stated my point to be about abused children. It detracts from my point and makes a statement about abused children about you. Its just not OK and you need to stop doing that. I really am surprised I need to keep explaining that to you. Its almost as if you are trying to upset me and ignore my awful situation by putting your own awful situation over mine instead of leaving it as the seperate, different situation it is.

Smileless -- Apples to oranges AGAIN. The difference is, I READ what people like Sharon and Sheri M. have to say and THEN decided I disagreed with them. You judge without reading or listening to what people actually say.