Is 'No Contact' abuse?

I didn't start the topic Chewbacca

I am allowed to have my own thoughts and to express them

I don't expect anyone to change their behaviour, that's their choice

I didn't start the topic Chewbacca

Eh? Nobody said you did!

I am allowed to have my own thoughts and to express them

You are and you have. And, just like you, others are free to have their thoughts and express that they don't agree with yours. That's what discussion forums are all about.

I don't expect anyone to change their behaviour

I should think not! That would be the height of arrogance!

OK Chewbacca

I’ve just read-read the OP.
No, no contact is not abuse. No one can abuse anyone they are not in contact with

Have I understood you correctly, VioletSky. You believe no contact can only be used by adult children who have been ‘forced’ to go no contact because their parents are/were abusive

I believe that's what the term should be used for yes.

I understand what the OP is saying and that you can't abuse someone you are not in contact with but that's just not what it means to many and I think that matters

But not only by adult children, by anyone who has been forced to estrange an abusive person.

Sorry knee jerk answer as it applies to my personal situation

Thank you.
Could no contact not be experienced as emotionally abusive by the parent who denies having abused the adult child.

I've already answered this and explained my views Iam if you read back

Sorry but I haven't the energy to do it again

That’s ok VioletSky. I have read the thread. I’ve read your explanations. I expect it’s easier if we agree to see this differently.

We have no contact with our grandchild my daughter with her daughter.

It was carried out deliberately to cause as much harm as possible to her mum and family. This we know for a fact.

It’s emotional abuse at its worst and coercive control and emotional abuse of the child. What else could it be called.

Granniesunite, that’s why I struggle with the bald statement that it’s impossible to abuse someone you aren’t in contact with

I was just going to say that when you posted of course you can abuse from a distance. That the cowards way.

Yes probably Iam

I still don't understand why someone would need to allow a term created for one situation to be used against its meaning but people do that all the time.

I will always be questioned about my reasons for estrangement and always asked if my estrangement causes bias in my reasoning for my answers on some topics or in my views of other people.

It doesn't, never has and never will because I've seen estrangement from various different sides over the course of my life

Violet, I’m afraid I don’t agree with your views, we will just have to agree to disagree. Estrangement and no contact mean the same, no difference, it’s not seeing or speaking to someone because one of you chooses not to. Doing so can be grown up children, parents, sibling. One chooses to sever contact. To estrange. To cut off. Abuse is one of many reasons. If someone’s presence in your life over many years makes your life a misery whether it’s through drugs, addiction or control, it’s not surprising there’s a cut off point.

It’s emotional abuse at its worst and coercive control and emotional abuse of the child. What else could it be called

No, it’s absolutely not.

I think you need to research what both coercive control and emotional abuse actually is.

I don't mind Allsorts

It just seems pointless to me to have lots of different terms that mean the exact same thing...

When we could use them to explain things more clearly

But everyone who has read this will now definitely know that what I mean when I say I am no contact with my mother...

That is enough

Agree Allsorts no contact and estrangement do mean the same thing.

Could you substantiate your claim that the term no contact was created specifically for adult children who estranged their parent(s) to protect themselves VioletSky?

I really think that as you constantly say that this is the case, you should provide evidence to support this.

I don't understand why you feel you are constantly being questioned about your reasons for estrangement. I haven't seen that in this discussion and if it has happened elsewhere, I don't think it is helpful to keep referring to it here.

Of course your life experiences are valid, as are the life experiences of others that differ to your own. I do not see any invalidation of yours, but I have seen from others, the invalidation of estranged parents experiences in this discussion.

To tell an estranged parent who experiences their child's estrangement of them or no contact, that it is not abuse is just someone's opinion and for me, an insensitive one.

The refusal to have any contact can be and is experienced by some as abuse. If that is their experience, no one has the right to say they are wrong and maybe those who think it is, would see things differently if they were the ones who had been estranged or were living with no contact.

That said, trying to tell others what language is or is not acceptable is an invalidation to those who use a particular term differently.

I disagree with you GG65 and I have researched coercive control and emotional abuse. Perhaps you could explain why you disagree.

We’re living it GG65

Thanks Seasidelass, you’re helping to widen the debate here. Importantly, you are calm and clearly aware of the research.
I try to avoid confrontational discussions because they seem to polarise and close down debate.
Fwiw I agree that emotional abuse and coercive control are often seen in family disputes, including in estrangement in irs various forms

Seasidelass

I disagree with you GG65 and I have researched coercive control and emotional abuse. Perhaps you could explain why you disagree.

Abuse is not a matter of opinion, Seasidelass.

Not wishing to continue a relationship with someone is not emotional abuse nor coercive control in so far as it relates to making decisions for one’s own child. That is called parenting.

Both coercive control and emotional abuse are punishable by law, so if anyone feels so certain that no contact constitutes abuse, maybe they should report it to the police and see how they get on with that.

People are entitled to end relationships, regardless of how that makes the other party feel.

Indeed we are Granniesunite and it would be just that little bit easier if we could do so without being told what we feel, what we have and continue to experience, and the words we use to express that are wrong.

Again, it seems pointless to me to have multiple terms for the same thing when we could use it to understand each other more clearly

That's not invalidating, it's just trying to communicate and help reach a understanding that would benefit people

It's a term whose origins are in law and is widely used by abuse victims and professionals.

As I said I will continue to use that meaning and I now know others who have read will understand clearly what I mean when I say it