Your money or your grandsons

Why assume that JGran may be involving her GS or saying anything inappropriate? If her son is prepared to use his own children to try and get what he wants, there's a very good chance that the most innocuous comment in a text message could be used against her.

It's not that hard to see surely.

Jgran you said you disinherited your son and now you seem to be suggesting he has lived in one of your properties rent free.

Would I be right in guessing it is this property he wants signed over to him?

If you are now not happy to leave that property for to him, are you allowing him to continue living in it?

If so, that may explain why he would be angry enough to say you can't see him or his children, if they are losing their home as punishment for whatever happened a year ago you won't talk to us about.

Smileless2012

Why assume that JGran may be involving her GS or saying anything inappropriate? If her son is prepared to use his own children to try and get what he wants, there's a very good chance that the most innocuous comment in a text message could be used against her.

It's not that hard to see surely.

I don’t see how a “Hi darling, hope you are well. How is school going? Hope you’ve been managing well through this lockdown. It must be really difficult not seeing your friends” could be used against her. I really can’t. So yeah, it is hard to see.

Regardless of how angry Jgran's may feel and for whatever reason, he is using his own children as weapons, to blackmail his own mother with in order to get what he wants or perhaps feels he's entitled too.

How anyone can even begin to condone or excuse such behaviour is beyond my comprehension.

Starblaze

Jgran you said you disinherited your son and now you seem to be suggesting he has lived in one of your properties rent free.

Would I be right in guessing it is this property he wants signed over to him?

If you are now not happy to leave that property for to him, are you allowing him to continue living in it?

If so, that may explain why he would be angry enough to say you can't see him or his children, if they are losing their home as punishment for whatever happened a year ago you won't talk to us about.

This would make sense.

You'd be amazed I'm sure MrsWarren at what can and will be used against you. Even when you've experienced it, it's still hard to believe.

I don't agree that makes sense MrsWarren but certainly goes a long way to explaining why estrangements can and do happen.

A woman fighting cancer, suffering from the at times almost debilitating effects of chemo, being pressurised by her son to sign over her properties and her bank accounts while weak and confused.

Shocking doesn't begin to summarise this poor woman's treatment.

Wow he’s a real charmer isn’t he NOT, certainly showing you his true colours, well I’d show him mine! He’d be cut out of the will !

It seems somehow a few individuals think that somehow things happened differently then they did. My son worked for me for several years and during that time I agreed to allow him to live in a property I own rent free as a boost to his income. Then he decided that he didn't want to do it and wanted to work for someone else. I was in cancer treatment at the time and was relying on him due to my poor health at the time, but thankfully the job was nearly done and a friend helped me finish it. The only changes were those he made at the time and that is the only reason I stopped giving him a salary. I let him keep the car and I still pay his car insurance. He isn't reacting to me cutting him off because I did not until several months after his decision to abandon me. He doesn't even know to what extent he has been removed only that some changes have been made.

Unfortunately there are some GN's who judge other people and their situation on their own experiences JGran, and it doesn't seem to matter how a poster's EAC has and does behave, it's always the EP who is to blame.

I'm glad that you haven't been deterred and are still posting.

It never ceases to amaze me just how cruel and vindictive some people can be and how for some, their sense of entitlement overrides their basic decency.

Some of the responses you've had just go to demonstrate how unwise it is to make assumptions; to weave one's own story into another's narrative,

The assumption that your son estranged you because you disinherited him as a 'punishment' when that clearly isn't the case.

I hope you've found the support and understanding from the majority who have responded of some comfort.

As to my relationship with my DIL. It has mostly been good but she does follow her religion (selectively) as it suits her desires. She is Jehovah Witness and I am Catholic, so she and her friends have often told me I'm going to hell and that I'm a Pagan worshiper, etc. They were married only a couple of months when she decided to quit her job and stay home. Then a few weeks later she found out she was pregnant. So, she has been spending most of her time sharing her religion door to door and spending time with my grandsons. My son has not joined her religion but is frankly not really behind any formal religion. As for misinterpreting anything I might say to my grand sons, I never know what may make them cut that avenue off. Even me saying, "I hope to see you soon." was considered me pressuring them. So, yes, I have to be careful. Also, FYI, her mother lives in a little shack that is nearly falling down and has rats so bad that she is afraid to go in her bedroom any more because they are in there. The kids told me that I was not allowed to help her or my DIL's homeless blind sister. Their words, "They need to figure out their own lives."

That's exactly what I thought JGran even the most innocuous message can and will be used against you if that's the overall intention. "I hope to see you soon" is "pressuring them"; ridiculous.

Not being "allowed" to help your d.i.l's homeless blind sister or her mother who sounds as if her living conditions are appalling to say the least.

As you have been estranged, have you thought about helping them anyway?

Jehovah's Witnesses do not believe in hell as most of Christianity teaches it, so a witness would not tell you that you are going to hell. They believe the dead simple cease to exist if not resurrected later.

So it seems that your son was given the house rent free as part of an employment package? Since he has ceased that employment, it is reasonable that the free rent would cease. From what you have described, any expectation that the house should be signed over to him is wrong on his part. Is it possible there has been some miscommunication or lack of clarity here? This is a very sad situation. Whatever you choose to do with your property is entirely your decision to make, assuming there were no verbal promises made that have been gone back on. I'm sorry you are going through this. I'm sure it breaks your heart.

Smileless2012 Thank you! I realize that it is very difficult not to inject your own experiences into mine and given a short written scenario it is hard to understand the full picture. I extended the offer to answer any questions for that reason, but I'm very new to this forum and I'm still figuring out how to make sure I'm giving as much info as possible. Just know that they have lived rent free now for many years and for many of those years I also paid full utilities, bought them two new vehicles, expanded the house ($250 thousand reno) when they needed more space. I even gave her $1,000 a month to just have her own spending money until roughly two years ago. The only reason I stopped that is that she was just giving it to her religious group and from day one I told them that it was intended for the house and kids. My son was getting $5,000 per month and is very likely making less now as I was paying generously. No car payments, no insurance payments and no fuel costs even for the car as he always filled it on my card, so they were not hard done by. Still really are not now if they spent wisely.

She is Jehovah Witness and I am Catholic, so she and her friends have often told me I'm going to hell

Yeah, I’m having doubts now because this absolutely did not happen. Jehova’s witnesses don’t believe in hell so there is no way your DIL or her friends would have said this to you.

I'm not going to help them as I know that it would only be seen as a further offence. I'm hoping to find a way back in, not push them further.

As to Hell and JW's I know almost nothing about the group and all I can say is that was her statement many times to me in front of my grand children. She stated that they do believe in Hell now and Jesus, they also don't normally marry outside of their group, but she has done so twice now.

I've never threatened to take the house away. My grandchildren need a safe home. However, I did state that a reduced rent would be fair. Normally, I could easily get $3500/mo for the house and while we never got to that discussion before I was cut off from communication with my son, my intention was to only charge $2000/mo More than fair from my perspective. I have property insurance and expenses to maintain that property which is in a beautiful are of Southern California.

JWS have always believed in Jesus. Not hell. I have heard JWs use the term 'eternal destruction' which you may have understood to mean 'hell', but it's not the same meaning.

As to Hell and JW's I know almost nothing about the group and all I can say is that was her statement many times to me in front of my grand children. She stated that they do believe in Hell now

No, I’m sorry, this is not true.

You said she spends most of her time going from door to door. She simply would not hold this belief.

I also forgot to mention that I was also paying medical insurance ($1800/mo) and that ended with his employment, but I agreed to continue paying it for a few months until he found new employment and was covered by them. However, my son canceled it and it seems his wife thought that I did, but I said that I didn't and even couldn't make that chance except to just not pay the bill. She has had full medical coverage available to them for free through the Indian tribe her grandfather is a part of. It was just easier for them to have me pay for it so that they didn't have to change doctors.

Tell him NO, tell him youve already bequeathed the house to your GS's for when theyre older.Then do so straightaway.Tell him if he continues this you will report him for blackmail.And then go see a lawyer for the will and to make application to see the GC. I wouldn't normally recommend the interference of a court to see GC, but in this case it may be the only way.

MrsWarren is right. I do know a bit about the group and, while I do sympathise with your situation, this detail does come across as trying to garner sympathy by creating a situation that can't have happened. It's either made up or, more likely, you've misinterpreted what she said.

Gosh.
I had some Grandchildren struggles recently in a completely different way . However, the best £90 i spent was on a solicitor in family law. Youd be surprised what you learn.
Also i write journals for my grandchildren for them to have at 16.
Hope it helps.
How sad you must feel x

How on earth do you know that that never happened MrsWarren? It's perfectly reasonable that a JW would tell a Catholic they wanted to hurt and upset that they'll go to hell, because they know a Catholic does believe there's a hell.

For goodness sake stop being so judgemental, claiming you know something that you couldn't possibly know so implying that everything JGran is telling us hasn't actually happened.

Why is it so unpalatable for some to accept that there are some really nasty AC out there, when clearly there are?

Thank you OceanMama as you say, JGran could have interpreted 'eternal destruction' as 'hell'. Either way, a very nasty thing to say.

MrsWarren and OceanMama: I'm not sure why her religious beliefs are your focus and honestly what they do or don't believe as a group is not important to me. I can only say that it is what she and her friends have stated and what little I've been told in the past over the dinner table with them. As to what the larger group believes or follows...no idea and not really very important to the issue. As to me making it up??? Really??? Why??? I'm sorry if this is your religion and their statements don't make sense to you as they are not following what you know, I can only state what was stated. As to its validity, that would be a discussion you could have with her and her friends. I really know almost nothing about the religion and have stayed as far away from the topic as possible. I just make sure to stay away from topics that I know are taboo like birthdays and Christmas.