Smileless2012
Where has it even been suggested Hithere that GP's want the role and decision making of the parents?
Suggesting that if there are concerns about what might be said to or within the hearing of a child, that this can be managed by one or both parents always being present is simply that, a suggestion.
It's workable; we did it when I was not in contact with my m.i.l. and Mr. S. continued to take our boys to see their GP's.
In some cases solutions are sort to avoid estrangement, in some cases estrangement is the only solution and in some cases it's the 'go too' solution.
It's not always in the best interests of children for estrangement to happen. For them to lose the GP's they know and love. Sometimes the decision to estrange has nothing to do with what's best for the children, what's in their best interests doesn't even come into the equation.
Let's not kid ourselves that there aren't some GP's who have lost their AC and their GC not because they're at fault, but because their AC and/or partner is.
Completely agree that there are numerous scenarios in which that happens.
More likely there is a lack of accountability for behaviour and harsh words on both sides.
In the particular scenario that I replied about, my assessment is that an adult should be able to control and regulate their behaviour in front of a child.
I do understand and to be honest I did the same as you, my DH did still take my children to see his mum even after I stopped going.
In hindsight I did not adequately protect my children. My MIL was not dangerous or abusive, but she was negative, passive aggressive and could not hold her tongue.
Shockingly this meant my children did not like her.
My point is that in continuing (in this particular scenario) contact is damaging. Why did I think it was ok to keep exposing my children to this type of person? My DH did tell his mum to pack it in, but that didn’t change the fact the children had heard what she was saying.
So why am I accountable for my behaviour (in removing myself), but she was not?
As I’ve said before I now see I should have been firmer from the beginning, I made a rod for my own back. My realisation was that I could not change her or her behaviour - so I did choose to maintain the contact via my DH and it wasn’t good for my children.
If there is a mindset of “well I didn’t do anything”, in my honest opinion it’s a lost cause - no-one is perfect, we all make mistakes. Reflection and accountability are how these things can be resolved but it needs to happen on both sides.
So from my own experience, I’d advocate for anyone who doubts the ability of any adult to regulate themselves appropriately around their children, to remove their children from that persons presence. And that is in the best interests of the rights of that child.