Well I give it my best shot. If Joan Collins can still wow them at 88 then there's hope for me yet. ?.
Tbh I do feel somewhat rejuvenated already.
Clearing all the clutter seems to have lifted a weight off my shoulders, including some emotional baggage I was carrying around with me.
Grief and stress changes us.
My husband got sick in 2006, dying in 2014. I lost myself somewhere along the way but I think at last I've come out of that long dark tunnel.
I do actually think the way I have been treated by my son and DIL has somehow given me that impetus to change. I was so shocked at first but then when I really stopped to think about it all it made me realise that I had been existing not living.
My son seems to have forgotten I was once vibrant and full of joire de vie and my DIL has only known me as a widow. They both seem to see me as somehow pathetic and irrelevant, someone weak who they can just trample on and ride roughshod over.
I think DIL was actually quite shaken when I stood up to her. I don't think she expected me to take her quite so literally when she asked for "space". Lol. She even had the audacity to ask me to "reflect".
Well I have reflected ?? and the conclusions I have reached are probably not at all what she expected. I certainly don't think she expected me to adopt my red velvet rope policy. She probably thought I would beg and grovel, try to appease and curry her favour. It ain't happening. ?.
My DIL would be horrified to know that actually she has done me a favour. They both made me so angry that it jolted me out of my grief and apathy. I am beginning to rediscover the "old me" - the one who was always so decisive, motivated and yes, at times, somewhat driven to succeed.
I've always been a self starter, motivated and committed to always improving myself, working hard, educating myself, improving my lot in life. I just got lost in grief and sorrow, anxious and fearful, too scared to live, not knowing how to live without the love of my life. Grief is a form of paralysis.
But finally I have found myself again. I have come out of the doldrums and am ready to get on with the business of living. I will always cherish my husbands memory, he will always live in my heart but I'm finally ready now to put the sorrow and the bad times behind me.
Some might think that 7 years locked in grief is self indulgent but I believe that we have to be allowed to mourn at our own pace. It is a journey that can't be rushed. My son often seemed exasperated with me, he had no patience with my grief and no understanding of the impact it made on my physical health. My DIL has even accused me of feigning illness. I wish.
I am fortunate in that I have no serious health problems but caring for my husband robbed me of my vitality and left me with a few issues that now require my attention. My goal is to get stronger and fitter. Thats my priority now.
2022 is going to be a big year for me, one of "radical transformation". What a pity my son and his wife won't get to,join in the fun. Their loss.