I saw the writing on the wall

Please don’t tell me lm posting in the wrong place.

You are not in the wrong place nice granny.
I am sorry about the difficult situation with your son and hope it resolves.
I am sure someone will be along soon to help.

I’m sorry to hear what’s happened.
But things can turn on a sixpence.
And nothing is set in stone. Fingers crossed that things get better for you. Look after yourself ?

Thank you ladies. I’ve been hurting for months now I have lost it.

Hi Nicegranny; don't worry you're not posting in the wrong place.

I can see from your OP why you've decided to take a step back and remove yourself from a difficult and upsetting situation which sadly has the potential to deteriorate even further.

TBH I wished I'd had your for sight, and not been in the company of our ES's wife without him being there or even had telephone conversations with her, without him listening in.

For what it's worth, I think you have done the right thing. It's always going to be possible for your son to stay in contact with you without her involvement if that's what he wants.

I hope he does.

Smileless I had mentioned this before but I stupidly didn’t listen to my gut instinct. I let her get away with my son forcing me to apologise when it was her that was mean to me but I exploded at the weekend and now we are done. There’s more to the story but lm still so upset about it l can’t even think straight. Thank you for confirming that I probably did do the right thing. These young women that lie like that deserve to have the same thing happen to them. I hope my son follows his instincts and decides not to marry her. She was such a fast worker.

Sometimes it amazes me what peoples partners are like and how they get away with murder. Your son seems to be trying to appease her so they dont end up rowing or he gets nagged. I think at the moment you are doing the right thing by staying away. You cant win because as you say she twists everything and makes you look like the bad person. I know it hurts but Im sure your son will one day see through her and realise what a lovely mum you are. Wishing you better times.

In a case like yours Nicegranny, even when we know that our gut instincts are right, we ignore them because what they're telling us is something we simply don't want to have to face.

It's so hard to accept that our AC can be controlled in this coercive way. That s/he can fail to see what's going on and believe the lies they're told about the parent(s) who have loved them their entire lives.

Our ES was already married when she showed her true colours and that didn't begin to happen until she became pregnant. Until then we truly believed we had a good relationship, we genuinely loved her!!!

We've lost the son we adored and our only GC and despite the heart break I know we're better out of it.

I hope your son sees her for what she is and comes back to you. .

I find these stories so sad and normally someone comes along with “yes but there’s two sides to every story”. No there isn’t.

I am sorry you’re going through this OP. It’s a strange fact that some people are very jealous and insecure. Some DIL’S want to estrange their partners from their mothers as it gives them more control. Conversely, with men, they are called dominating and controlling but it’s the same mindset - far easier to have someone under your thumb if they have nobody else to turn to.

I think you’ve done the right thing and you shouldn’t have to put up with such injustice to keep the peace. It’s sad but, hopefully, one day your son will come to realise he was wrong.

Take care of yourself and live your best life

Thank you for your replies it does give some comfort to me knowing that I have somewhere to talk about my pain.
I have read so many stories here and on other sites and came to the realisation quite some time ago that I couldn’t fight it but now I have gone out with a bang.
I knew any fight would be pointless especially when I heard from a close person that son and his fiancé had looked on the internet to see if l could have caused a 4 week pregnancy to end. I was shocked at this lack of intelligence by a young woman who already has a child and feeling that she wanted the answer to be yes. My son wouldn’t have a clue but I feel angry at him for being so cruel and going along with her extreme exaggeration in order to make me a bad person.
My daughter noted her snappy behaviour towards me two years ago when I wasn’t even aware of it. It just increased over time.

Nicegranny in the end you have to protect yourself and we all have a point of "last straw"! I am so sorry that you have had to put the ball in your son's court to avoid what is happening to you. You are making HIM take responsibility for HIS decisions about HIS relationship with you and HIS relationship with his wife and that is all you can do. I know that others on here with the same experience or who are negotiating life through different and sometimes less extreme versions of what you describe, will offer support, understanding and constructive suggestions when you feel you need them

I agree with all of the above.
Always listen your gut feelings,thats why we have them,sadly our hearts rule our heads alot of the time.

Im so sorry you're going throught this but you will get great support and help here on this thread lots of wise posters who know exactly how you are feeling.

Madgran77
Thank you for your logical approach to my situation it’s just how I see it. It’s a year until they get married and his fiancé stirred trouble knowing that it would upset me by not allowing my daughter to be my plus one at the official registry office. I would have been standing alone with her divorced parents and their partners who hate each other and my ex husband and his long term partner who there’s not a problem with us. My daughter would need to travel 6,000 miles to be at her brothers wedding and sons fiancé said her 13 year old half sister from her fathers relationship isn’t going and was l saying that my daughter is “more important than her half sister “? As she described her.
The big wedding party is the next day.
This is the moment she escalated her views and then no contact. My son called his sister and was mean to her because she defended me and he didn’t want to listen to anything she had to say. He put the phone down on my daughter then called her back saying “you me and mum are all separate now and we’re done”.
His talking to his sister in this way has upset me because they were close we all were.
A few months ago I had posted saying what I had suspected and it has happened.
Perhaps my son will have more doubts about commitment to his fiancé and maybe he won’t l just hope that whatever he does in his life he is happy.

Nicegranny I am in an exactly the same situation except my son married her and no matter how nice and polite and understanding i have been its never good enough and twisting everything to make me look like an evil mother its absolutely heartbreaking ive made myself ill over this and after years have progressed to realising we have to just live our life to the best we can there are grandchildren involved tgat we dont see ? and the whole situation is just cruel I never ever could imagine our son doing this its like hes been brainwashed ?‍♀️ so yes i think you have done well to have the foresight to step away earlier it will save you a lot of tears and I am here for you if you want to let off steam x

Dear Velaine thank you for your comforting words of encouragement and understanding. Like all of us here l to feel sad for you.
I have shifted my posts over to the main thread because I wanted to explain more about my story so if you go over you will see l have just posted again.
I appreciate your response and I can’t imagine what this has also done to you , only, for years ? and it’s a copy of mine and so many other’s. I’m only just beginning my sad journey and you have suffered for so long. I live alone and am happy to be single but I hope that you have had your family and good friends to help with your pain. I’m very interested to know how you have coped with being estranged from your son because sometimes l just sit and cry for hours and l can’t snap out of it.
I’m looking forward to hearing from you again and understanding how you feel now.??

OP

Was your daughter originally invited to the wedding?

Was your daughter originally invited to the wedding?

I imagine not Hithere although that is conjecture on my part. But the OP said that the request was made to have her daughter/grooms sister as her "plus one" as clearly she was feeling awkward about standing alone with her divorced parents and their partners who hate each other and my ex husband and his long term partner. I can understand why she might feel awkward being on her own in that situation, it is a human response to a difficult situation depending on a persons confidence etc.

Of course the choice of guests is the bride's and groom's and I get the impression that the OP realises that and that at the end of the day that she has no say in it.

But in the circumstances described her request to avoid being alone standing with the above as described, deserves at least a little understanding and kindness even if being refused. The bride's half sister really wasn't relevant in any empathetic reply even if the reply was no!

If the sister/daughter of OP is not invited, I can see why it is a problem for the couple to feel forced to allow it under the disguise of "dont want to be alone"

This is the wedding for son and future dil. OP can pick a different person to keep her company

If her daughter is not invited, there could be a good reason for it.

If the sister/daughter of OP is not invited, I can see why it is a problem for the couple to feel forced to allow it under the disguise of "dont want to be alone"

Hithere Absolutely. But the half sister remains irrelevant in any empathetic reply to tge request, on the basis of what the OP has described. That was my point.

Yes the OP could choose another to keep her company, she appears not to have been given that option!

This is the wedding for son and future dil Yes it is and I acknowledged that in my comment up thread!

Yes my daughter her husband and children were invited to the wedding party the next day along with all the other guests.

But not to the first day?

Could it be there is a limit of people they can invite in the first day?
How long does this first ceremony last?

roseycheeks ticking bird hithere l hope l haven’t left anyone else’s name out and if l have it’s only because by the time I write a reply l tend to forget names and l apologise if l have. I do appreciate ALL the replies and they are all helping. To take up one reply from hithere yes there is a limited amount of people allowed but it was a case of there’s plenty of room for another and l wasn’t allowed or given the time to ask if l could choose a close friend if my daughter wasn’t allowed to come l was spoken to by son’s fiancé in such a dismissive attitude and lm sick of her disrespect because it seems it’s especially reserved for me.