Why do I torture myself

Sorry Elless I obviously missed that post. How annoying, have you any idea when the surgery will be rescheduled?

How annoying that the issue of abuse made it's way onto this thread and you've felt the need for a rebuttal.

Hope you're OK and not too stressed out by the last minute cancellation.

Prize for summerlove who thought it was 5 sons!

OP,

I hope it gets rescheduled soon

Hithere

Prize for summerlove who thought it was 5 sons!

OP,

I hope it gets rescheduled soon

I always was very good at reading comprehension and word problems!

Having a moan is a private good idea.

What is the real problem? You have 5 sons, one is estranged and seems to change back and forth. A blue suit is an unknown reason for upset.

Summerlove "They are now also able to remove “villagers” who they feel are unsafe or unwelcome. This feels like progress to the autonomy so many want."

I agree and find removal of villagers ideal.

Having a private moan (reversed wording)

Norah

Having a moan is a private good idea.

What is the real problem? You have 5 sons, one is estranged and seems to change back and forth. A blue suit is an unknown reason for upset.

Summerlove "They are now also able to remove “villagers” who they feel are unsafe or unwelcome. This feels like progress to the autonomy so many want."

I agree and find removal of villagers ideal.

???!!!

It doesn't matter how many sons you have Norah 5 or 50 it doesn't make being estranged by one any less painful.

I would ignore it if I were you Elless, says a lot about those who've made these posts. IMO the quoted post from Summerlove is particularly unpleasant and unnecessary in the context of this thread.

My apologies Summerlove it appears that your post quoted by Norah is part of a longer post so has been taken out of context, giving it an entirely different 'meaning'.

Smiles to the rescue again

Smiles to the rescue again

Smileless2012

My apologies Summerlove it appears that your post quoted by Norah is part of a longer post so has been taken out of context, giving it an entirely different 'meaning'.

I appreciate the apology. Thank you.

I agree it doesn’t matter how many sons you have if you lose one. I was just curious for context.

Summerlove

Summerlove

Hithere

I don't think villages are lost - parents now choose who is part of that village
For childcare
For babysitting
For education
Etc.

I agree.

They are now also able to remove “villagers” who they feel are unsafe or unwelcome.

This feels like progress to the autonomy so many want

Smileless It looks as if I quoted all Summerlove posted, less "I agree"

Removing extraneous "unwelcome villagers" is desired by many. Many estrangements may be just that, removals and autonomy so many want. I find that clear.

I was out walking the dog yesterday and (embarrassingly) had my head buried in my phone only to look up and see my ES was standing right in front of me with my grandson. I was totally shocked when he just said hello, we ended up talking for nearly an hour and I now know that he still expected me to come to his wedding without his dad and was upset that I didn't, he said it spoiled the day him having to explain to guests why I wasn't there. I pointed out to him that before the wedding he did contact each of his brothers and actually said 'even though Mum and Dad won't be coming to the wedding can you confirm that you will still be coming' so as far as I was concerned he did not want me there.
I stood crying for the whole conversation, I even asked him for a hug which he said felt wrong. I apologised for the misunderstanding and making him feel uncomfortable on his wedding day and asked him if he was sorry for hurting me but he brushed it off. He was very stand offish and it was all me me me, at no point did he show any feeling. Before we parted I asked him if he still had my email address and phone number, which he had, I suggested we both go home and process everything we had said and I if he wants to meet somewhere on neutral ground for a coffee and another talk to contact me. I did say he has got some breathing space because I have got another date for my operation so I wouldn't be able to meet until the new year (if it isn't cancelled again) so the ball is in his court again but I cannot get over how hard he was, it wasn't my lovely son he seems to have changed so much.

I'm sorry you are so upset but can see he most probably was angry you didn't go to the wedding. Hopefully now the ice has been broken you may eventually be able to sort things out? I would just take your time.

Can I ask why he didn't want his Dad there?

I think for now it would be best to let him move through those feelings Elless as he probably needs to process his hurt before he can deal with yours by the sounds of it.

Also I wouldn't sit and wait for some sort of next move on his part, it's unnatural. Take things slowly but bridges don't build themselves.

Oh Elless I am sorry.

I hope you didn't take that rubbish about his wedding day being spoiled and having to explain to everyone why you weren't there, to heart.

He knew what to say; 'my mum and dad aren't here because my dad wanted to hire a blue suit rather than buy a blue one for the wedding because he wouldn't wear it again. I told him if he wouldn't buy one, not to bother coming which us why neither of them are here.'

I mean that's what happened isn't it. It was his decision and what did he expect you to do, go without his father? He has no right to be angry or hurt. What happened was of his own making. If he's old enough to be a husband and father, he should be old enough to take responsibility.

I agree that the ball's in his court and hope that you'll be able to leave it there until hopefully, he contacts you. You're clearly willing to talk this through, you've apologised yet he hasn't even had the decency to reciprocate.

Work on this particular bridge needs to be started by him and I hope he'll have the good sense to begin work sooner rather than later.

In the meantime please try to not let this get you down as you await surgery. Take care and stay strong x.

Thanks Smiles, I am just trying to process everything at the moment, one moment I'm upset, the next I'm angry. At least I got to meet my grandson finally, it's a shame that he's the real casualty in all this because he is missing out on so much.
Janejudge if you scroll back a page or so you will see what was said.

It's a lot for you to process Elless. Of course you're upset and it must have been hard for you to keep your anger under wraps yesterday.

That's why we're here. You can talk about your anger with us. Your GS like so many GC is as you say the real casualty. Were you able to give him a hug? I can't imagine how it must have felt to look up and see that precious little boy for the first time.

Well done for containing your anger Elless.

I think it is a shame that your son could not show appreciation of your apology and of your acknowledgement of misunderstandings. At least you have shown your willingness to talk it all through which is positive. From what you say it seems this is a one way street back at the moment; for whatever reason your son is not reciprocating the talk it over/apologise for misunderstanding approach.

I also think it is wise to let him process the conversation you had, the feelings that has brought up for him...just as you need to process the feelings this has brought up for you. You have left the ball in his court, giving him the choice to take it forward as he sees fit (or not) and therefore you are sticking to his wishes as you understand them to be. It appears that you are caught up in trying to second guess/work out what is wanted which is hard for you so best to leave next steps (or not) up to him.

Focus on your health and I hope that it doesn't get cancelled again.

Elless the best way to have a good relationship with your little grandson is to have a good relationship with his dad so maybe just letting this go for now will help and you always have a place to vent your feelings here until the relationship is back on firm ground again.

It would be such a shame if at least one of you doesn't make a start in putting this behind you and while you might not agree his feelings about the wedding are valid they are very real to him and an approach that takes that seriously would be needed to get things back on track.

That made me very sad i stood crying for the whole conversation
Try and take some good from the encounter, ? he did stop and talk, that was better than just walking past you, wasn’t it? ?

Is it right to presume that he doesn't have a great relationship with his Dad? Sorry if that's incorrect.

Could you/he maybe separate the relationship he has with his dad and you?

I think its a good sign he talked, he could of walked by. Atleast you've had a chat and you both know where each other stands.
Both of you need time to reflect on what each other has said.

I hope it goes well.

I think your husband should have bought a blue suit, you had the money to fly to Ireland to avoid your feelings around the wedding, he could have afforded to buy a blue suit. I can see why your son is angry, it's petty