SUPPORT for all living with estrangement

PS as you are seeing things that aren't there perhaps a trip to Spec Savers may be a good idea.

For me, for this wonderful thread to be distasteful to anyone on Reddit is a huge complement. For any of you who know nothing of this site and the awful things that are posted there, it is not for the fainthearted or anyone with a weak stomach

Reddit is a massive platform with around 2.8 million subreddits, which discuss anything from parenting to TV shows, musicians, philosophy, authors, knitting, cooking and just about anything you can think of.

What a massive generalisation about Reddit users.

What is so awful about r/knitting, for example?

I don’t mean to gatecrash your thread, but I don’t think such ill-informed comments should go unchallenged.

My comment was not ill informed GG. It may be a massive platform but that doesn't alter the fact that "awful things ... are posted there".

I did not say everything on there is awful, certainly never mentioned knitting but what I have seen for myself and seen quoted here on GN is.

This is a thread on an open forum, so how could you "gatecrash" it?

Of course you are more than your estrangement. From only that aspect alone, though, I would hope peace for you. You and everyone one here deserve it. Life doesn’t have to be a war or battle, or at least it hasn’t for me. Im sorry you suspect that anyone showing sympathy must be faking it, because that must be a hard way to live. People are flawed, for sure, and do bad things sometimes. But I’ve yet to meet a bad person, and i always hold out hope for the good in people.

You are fortunate to have never met a bad person Grandpanow. I don't suspect anyone showing sympathy. I've explained why I do not think yours is genuine and shall not be engaging with you further.

Grandpanow

I hope peace especially for you. I can see you struggle.

Well done Smiles on getting GNHQ to show the other guest poster the door. You are Boudicca personified. ?

It's the same old story isn't it.......to misquote Jack Nicholson in "A Few Good Men". Some people just can't handle the truth.

Well we Warrior Queens have dared to stand up for ourselves at last, to fight back and tell the truth. And guess what, the bullies don't like it. How Very Dare We.

In numbers there is strength.......so we should stand up and be counted.

Our EAC think they have the cards stacked in their favour, well newsflash.....they aren't quite as smart, strong and not nearly as resilient as they like to think they are. How can they be, they haven't our lifetime of experience under their belt. It is adversity which builds strength of character.

Anyone can be happy, pleasant and charming when the good times roll, it's when life sends you curved balls and our mettle is tested that reveals who we really are.

My message to any estranged Parent is......don't be ashamed or embarrassed to speak the truth, don't submit to bullying or emotional blackmail and take good care of your physical well being and your emotional health.

Smileless2012

You are fortunate to have never met a bad person Grandpanow. I don't suspect anyone showing sympathy. I've explained why I do not think yours is genuine and shall not be engaging with you further.

Well of course, then I will respect that. Best wishes to you.

Grandpanow

Of course you are more than your estrangement. From only that aspect alone, though, I would hope peace for you. You and everyone one here deserve it. Life doesn’t have to be a war or battle, or at least it hasn’t for me. Im sorry you suspect that anyone showing sympathy must be faking it, because that must be a hard way to live. People are flawed, for sure, and do bad things sometimes. But I’ve yet to meet a bad person, and i always hold out hope for the good in people.

If you’ve never met a bad person, you must have led a very lucky or charmed life.

Life, at times, for most of us, IS a battle to be won - whether it’s with relationships or health etc. There are also plenty of good times, thankfully!

There are plenty of bad people out there, who cause hurt or pain, just because they can.

Luckily, they are outnumbered by good people.?

I take the view that there is no such thing as "bad people" but there are people who do "bad things". But maybe I'm splitting hairs.

I do however think it somewhat disingenuous for people who have not suffered estrangement to feel they are in a position to criticise or offer unsolicited advice to those who are struggling with broken hearts and smashed lives.

It is like anything else in this life, if you have not personally experienced something you cannot really understand how it feels. Sounds trite but you really do have to "walk a mile in someone else shoes" to know what they are going through.

This especially applies to bereavement and as we have already established estrangement is a form of bereavement, but without the "closure" of death.

One of the difficult parts of estrangement is the tiny glimmer of hope that one day there might be a reconciliation whereas with death we know it is final. We a loved one dies we can draw a line and eventually move forward and rebuild our lives. I don't think we can do this when estranged because we always are hoping for the miracle.

GRANDPANOW. I am sure no one on here wishes to cause offence but I am sure you must appreciate that when someone who has been hurt and betrayed by those who purport to love then it can be very difficult for them to trust again.

Yes your later posts have expressed sympathy and I'm sure you mean what you say, however the fact remains that your earlier posts did come over as being somewhat harsh and judgemental. Some might go so far as to say they added insult to injury.

There are a lot of people on here who are hurting very badly, who are in great emotional pain and distress so please don't be surprised if some of them have taken offence and find your expressions of sympathy difficult to swallow.

Now please........can we get back down to the business of healing and putting our lives back together.

Tomorrow is a new dawn, a new day, a new year. Let's draw a line under the unpleasantness of the last couple of days and look forward to better times.

I wish you all peace and harmony. Let's raise a glass or three and drink to a better future.. ❤️❤️

It was a prompt and good response from GNHQ for which I thanked them DSL.

Well Mr. S. thinks I can match Boudicca's boobs

No one truly wins at war. History has been clear about that.

Amen to that DSL. Mr. S. and I are going to our favourite Chinese restaurant this evening. What plans do you have?

Ooh that sounds nice. Have a lovely time.

My youngest son is popping over this afternoon. He can polish off the last couple of mince pies. ?. His girlfriend is a nurse and is on shift today.

When he's gone I shall cook myself something nice and then curl up with Netflix and a few nibbles.

I'm soooo looking forward to bidding a find farewell to 2021. Without doubt it has been the worst year of my life, even more so than when my husband died.

I know this sounds odd to say but he was so ill for so long that when death came it really was a blessed relief so although I felt grief and sorrow, I never felt wounded or betrayed. My grief was pure and infused with love.

Anyway.....my son will be here in a minute. Better get the kettle on.

I’m not on mumsnet. I’ve commented when I’ve seen hurt on Reddit. You seem very angry and just looking for a fight, so I’ll disengage now. Have a good new year!

Hmmmm.... that has a familiar ring to it. Now where have I seen passive aggressive posts like that before......? ?

Smileless2012

My comment was not ill informed GG. It may be a massive platform but that doesn't alter the fact that "awful things ... are posted there".

I did not say everything on there is awful, certainly never mentioned knitting but what I have seen for myself and seen quoted here on GN is.

This is a thread on an open forum, so how could you "gatecrash" it?

“Awful” things?

It’s a moderated platform Smileless, it’s not the dark web.

Lucky you Smiles unfortunately I will have to be one of the Warrior Queens with small boobs . As when I lie on my back they disappear all together.????.

Wars are fought and won.

But everyone has their own daily battles to fight. Whether it is physical ,mental illness or emotional pain. Or just getting the top of a dam bottle of bleach when hands are playing up.

Here is a place we can come and not have to fight battles . People who post here who haven't our experiences haven't got a clue how it feels.

I would never dream of telling someone how to feel about any situation unless I had experienced it first hand. I am 63 now and some of the things I have experienced and had to do I hope none of you have to go through. Looking back I don't know how I managed to do the things I have especially since my husband has died.

But I promised him to live the best life I can and I do. And it's dam hard. But I face my problems head on I don't hide from them or anyone. I don't throw people away a cowards way out and I realised a long time ago I am no coward. Whatever life throws at me I get on with it. Or what is the point of life.

It's easy to give up and I won't do that. I don't know what my future holds or how long I have got on this earth but I will not live with what if's .

I still have things I want to do and places I want go . I am lonely but only for the one person I can never have again that's my darling husband. I am not lonely because I live on my own. I like doing what I want when I want. Until my mom died 2017 all my adult life someone was dependent on me.

Since I moved house finally I am living my life for me. I don't care if that sounds selfish. In my old house I existed I didn't live.

Both my son and daughter wanted me to move and live closer to then. Seems being 40 mins away from my son and daughter in law instead of 3 hours away was to close. Funny it was ok from August 2019 until April 2020 .Then from May 2020 it wasn't.

So Granpanow you can put your opinions of me and others in your pipe and smoke. And hope you never have need of a thread like this

As per usual it takes me so long to type so my post is way past all others .?????.

Anyway better sign off for the day

Happy new year all . Hopefully 2022 will be a better year . But whatever it brings we can face it together. ???

I did read the deleted post and couldn’t quite believe it, on reflection that person is very hurt, it also means somewhere he still cares. I know there are cruel and manipulative mothers, they can be bitter and make their ac choose between their partner, the partner wins every time, naturally, if they have any backbone. Would like to think that after a period of estrangement they can re start their relationship with different expectations. There are also ac who for a perceived slight or saying something they shouldn’t have, estrange, not giving you the opportunity to put things right.
It’s horrible to be thought of the way that poster does. Is that how they think these days. As DL says we all hope for a miracle that one day things will work out, where there is life there is hope.
No one not estranged can understand the utter feeling of loss.
Let’s please get back to what this forum is about, support for those that are apart from loved ones so they don’t feel isolated.

Yes that's right GG awful things.

I understand what you're saying DSL. We grieve for the loss of those who have estranged us and that grief is infused with their betrayal and the wounds they have inflicted on us.

Get that kettle on ready for your DS and those mince pies plated up and ready.

Your comment about your boobs made me laugh Whiff. I'm sure I've got enough for the two of us.

As you say, whatever 2022 brings we will face it together x

Put it out of your mind Allsorts.

There is no excuse for posting something like that, no matter how hurt or damaged the individual may be.

This thread has been running for more than 8 years and has weathered a few storms. TBH yesterday was just a storm in a tea cup and the poster wont be returning.

Now, make yourself a nice and don't give the poster or the one who posted it a second thought. I've just put the kettle on so I'll join you x.

sorry that should have said don't give the post or the one who posted it ......

Happy New Year Everyone. Onwards and Upwards into 2022!

Yes, Happy New Year to you all.

We're just enjoying a snowball while we watch Disney's animated 'The Lion King. Watched 'Jungle Book' yesterday, the animated one, and really enjoyed it.

I've just been notified by GNHQ that the second of the unpleasant posts that appeared on this thread yesterday evening has been deleted.

I thought you'd all like to know.

I agree Allsorts., "No one not estranged can understand the utter feeling of loss"
Happy New Year to everyone.