Letter to my Estranged Child

Allsorts I was replying to OnwardandUoward because I misread and thought her son was lying in his support groups. I've made no comment about this one.

I’m so glad the forum helps you to Violet. .

I'm amazed this post I made when feeling bitter has helped anyone, but glad too.

In conclusion : I did not send any communication, only a gift for my GC. The Christmas gift was signed for and is with my EAC. No idea if the GC will get it when they find out who it's from, but that's their choice. I've done my bit for the year. The ball is in their court now and I can get on with Christmas. (Talking of which, I need to be online less and actually do some wrapping for those I will be spending Christmas with!

Thank you Allsorts

Thank you Allsorts. Mentally unwell AC has been around 20 years now with their rhetoric. I am not depressed, I have always been able to cope for many years, but my health is poor now and it's getting weary. Esp as there is nothing wrong with them. Everyone else is to blame. I have someone coming to see me after Xmas, with a view to moving. I find it galling that I always have to move when AC starts their nonsense.. I like my home and garden. Its all I have now.... I get estrangement then a cosying up to me for their gain. Then the threats. I think I have reached telephone contact only, then I can put phone down if vicious words start. Goodnight all

User7777 so you've moved because of EAC before? If you've done that and they have found you again each time maybe moving is not the answer, but an injunction? As you say, why should you have to keep moving? You love your home and garden, but its understandable that you feel the urge to disappear.

They are a user, for sure, sadly. I suppose that's why you chose that user name. You don't seem depressed at all, but anyone in your situation would feel beaten down with it, especially as it's been going on so long.

I think you have to accept, they won't change. They will continue to use you as long as you're prepared to let them. As my old therapist said "the only person you can change is yourself". I hope you have lots of support in place.

When someone is a narcissist they use you for "supply" and what you can do for them. I lived with one for years. It's a good idea to read lots on the subject and resist any "hoovering" attempts.

Hi, I’m new here… My daughter is 19 1/2 and made the decision not to see or talk to me about a year and a half ago. In that time I have sent her text messages almost on a daily basis to ask for forgiveness and to reconcile with her to no avail. I’ve dropped off gifts for her birthday and at Christmas. This Christmas I mailed them to her and in return I got a restraining order served to me. I know she is angry and bitter because of trouble that her older brother got into caused child services to take her away from our home. I don’t do drugs, drink or have ever abused my children. In fact it’s just the opposite I was always there for them, PTA mom, Soccer mom (coach), Awana Leader, you name it! I was always there then all of the sudden I wasn’t there for her. She was 15 and they made it impossible for me as a single mom to get her back. She’s only 19 and I feel like I will never see her again. I understand her pain and don’t blame her for her decision. And I’m not angry, I’m heart broken. ? Don’t know how to deal with this. My hands are tied.

Beside myself... I understand... I have been heartbroken for so long... my heart is now truly broken and sick from the stress I have been under. Cardiology appt in new year. My AC has no filter or empathy for anyone else. No insight into their behaviour and all is other peoples fault.. they have no friends now, drove them all away. I still love them ,same as the day I first saw them 36 years ago, but spending any time with them is hard. My health is starting to fail, so I may not have many opportunities to spend with them. Sometimes we only appreciate someone when they have passed. Take care of you

Besidemyselfthere is nothing you can do but wait. Wait for her to mature and then be able to see that the entire heartbreaking situation was taken out of your hands, and there was nothing you could do.

We have been estranged from our youngest son and only GC for 9 years now so I don't say this lightly. Stop contacting her in anyway. Now there is a retraining order against you, you need to be very careful.

Give her time and space. She may one day realise that what happened was not your fault and then be ready to communicate with you again and listen to what you've been trying to explain.

I hope your cardiology appointment goes well User7777
Make sure that you "take care of you" too

Besidemyself what happened with your other child to have your daughter removed? Are you still in intact with him?

We might be able to advise you better with a bit more info or you ould start a new thread so it reaches more people

I'm so sorry for your pain Besidemyself You're right, if there is a restraining order in place it would be unwise to try to breach it. I would probably say it's a good idea to have counselling to try and reach acceptance, to mourn the loss and to try to make a life for yourself that you are happy with, to hope and pray for the future that she forgives and realises how much you love her.
As someone wise here said to me "Let them be the icing on the cake and not the cake"

User7777 I'm glad you have the Cardio app in the New Year! Your poor heart has really taken a battering with all this stress and heartbreak. I hope you will keep reaching out to support services and anyone who can help. Take care of you, too and don't be ashamed to reach out for help. However much you love a child, you need to love yourself, too.

I dont think its a good idea to send this letter

The original poster posted this nearly three years ago.

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Reported.

Sick, just sick.

I see they're still at it.

@Smiles what they said here yesterday was foul, seems they are uppping their ammo and using the language of the gutter now.

Correction upping with just two p’s.

Thanks to you reporting the posts Babs I didn't see them but regardless of the amount or nature of their ammo, we remain unharmed by them.

As this thread is 3 years old, I think it might be best locked now. It’s obviously being used for yet another wind up. 🙄

The only atrocity I see here is this letter and your responses. Quite bluntly, I can see why you are estranged. You say in one comment? Dad, your self-reflection is not an issue because you can't see where you may have gone wrong, and in another one, you say that you tried your best, and that no one is perfect. These truistic platitudes are the problem. Saying nobody is perfect is like saying 2 + 2 = 4. It's true, but it doesn't help your case. If all your son wanted was for you to shut up and listen to his perspective, to which he is entitled, and you failed to do that, that's on you. So, here's another truism for you. You have two ears and one mouth, and your brain is bigger than all of that put together. Think before you speak and listen twice as much as you talk. I wouldn't want my children near you either. Unless you are willing to accept some responsibility, it sounds to me like you did this to yourself. If you're capable of writing this in a letter, think of what will be written in your obituary.

An unnecessarily unpleasant post Dajaxta but thankfully as this thread was started over 3 years ago it's extremely unlikely that the OP will read it.

Dajaxta

The only atrocity I see here is this letter and your responses. Quite bluntly, I can see why you are estranged. You say in one comment? Dad, your self-reflection is not an issue because you can't see where you may have gone wrong, and in another one, you say that you tried your best, and that no one is perfect. These truistic platitudes are the problem. Saying nobody is perfect is like saying 2 + 2 = 4. It's true, but it doesn't help your case. If all your son wanted was for you to shut up and listen to his perspective, to which he is entitled, and you failed to do that, that's on you. So, here's another truism for you. You have two ears and one mouth, and your brain is bigger than all of that put together. Think before you speak and listen twice as much as you talk. I wouldn't want my children near you either. Unless you are willing to accept some responsibility, it sounds to me like you did this to yourself. If you're capable of writing this in a letter, think of what will be written in your obituary.

There’s another truism that perhaps you should employ, and then adding some empathy to it.

“Best engage your brain before using your mouth/keyboard”.

Try it. 👍

Your post was unpleasant for the sake of it. 🤷‍♀️. Luckily, the OP has long gone.