Repairing estrangement

It's not always a bad thing if people don't reap what they sow.

Plant and nurture a seed or throw it away and sometimes you get flowers anyway

Well let’s face it Violetsky, none of us are perfect, we’d all have a bit of reaping to do.

Reminded me of this

That suggests you’re putting responsibility on the gardener, or the parent. Is that what toy meant

Yes, I thought my son had estranged me Smileless , but although he did cut me out of his life, he never said it was forever- in fact he just never said anything. It seemed like estrangement at the time, but I never quite knew ...

I think PND (and not bonding) might really affect things.

I try to set a good example to my kids about my parents, but in reality it's not always possible. Unfortunately my parents used to complain about my GP and I really try not to do that. I spend a lot of time biting my lip, or I'll be just as bad.

My parents did not care for their parents themselves so I don't have that example set for me.

Yes, I want lots of flowers Violetsky

Being honest, it needs a good weed though.

OnwardandUpward

Yes, I want lots of flowers Violetsky

Being honest, it needs a good weed though.

It's a constant battle lol

LOL it is but these are the best I can do (for you) Violetsky

I agree Sara life would be a lot a fairer if we did.

That period of time without him would have been experienced by you as estrangement Onward and possibly worse as you didn't know if you'd been estranged or not.

All gardeners know that no matter how hard you try it's impossible to keep a garden weed free Iam, and it's particularly annoying when they appear to flourish better than the flowers.

I’m sorry I upset some of us with my remark that you reap what you sow. Of course it’s not the fault of the parent all the time, and I’m certainly not perfect. I’ve watched this sort of thing in my own family, though, and in my brothers case, he and his wife behaved badly to others and now their own only child has estranged them. They are totally isolated now.from all family and friends.

It's hard sometimes netflixfan when you have EP's and EAC discussing estrangement together. For an EAC 'you reap what you sow' makes perfect sense when their parent has treated them badly and they refuse to have anything to do with them.

For EP's though it can feel like a judgement is being made, even when that isn't the intention.

I may be wrong but I think reaping what you sow maybe means that we will reap it in the next life/afterlife. It definitely doesn't always happen, though it does in some cases.

Thanks Smileless. I really thought it was final, so glad it's not. I think sometimes we think things happen because of us when in reality they happen because of how the other person is dealing (or not) with life.

I hadn't thought of it like that Onward but you make a good point, perhaps it is about the "next life/afterlife.

That's so true, and it's all too easy to carry the burden of responsibility when relationships go wrong when it can be because of the other person's behaviour, rather than our own especially if we're being made to feel that way.

I'm so pleased that it wasn't final.

I thought "reap what you sow" was more cause and effect. If I did not do my job properly I might lose it as a result. If I didn't treat someone kindly I might lose them as a result.

Whereas saying something like "karma" and the suggestion that bad things happen to people because they deserve it or bad things should happen to people because they deserve it, I find distasteful.

The problem with the saying "reap what we sow" is that it asssumes that it is only WHAT is sowed that brings about what is reaped! It does not take into account other factors that may have impacted.

So taking the "planting" metaphor, soil quality, watering, heat, cold for instance may all have an impact on what is reaped.

Putting it into the context of human relationships,, friendships, relationships, circumstances, choices, environment are some of the things that will impact on the outcomes as well as parenting, and may well override the parenting lessons learnt as a child.

I think reap what you sow in terms of cause and effect can definitely be a thing.

It also means if I plant a poppy, I'll have a poppy if I keep the weeds away.

It should mean if you treat someone well, they will reciprocate, but we all know it doesn't always happen that way, even though it can do.

It should mean if you treat someone well, they will reciprocate, but we all know it doesn't always happen that way, even though it can do

Yes that is true Onward. In theory if you treat someone well/kindly it will be reciprocated but it really is not always the case sadly. For instance another well known phrase is "The more you give, the more gets taken"! Also sometimes true sadly!

Madgran77 Yes! I am thinking of someone in my family when I say "if you give an inch they will take a mile" (and they aren't my kids!)

I agree with what Violetsky said about her job too, you tend to reap what you sow at work - unless your boss is like the one in "The Devil Wore Prada", that is.

Madgran77

*It should mean if you treat someone well, they will reciprocate, but we all know it doesn't always happen that way, even though it can do*

Yes that is true Onward. In theory if you treat someone well/kindly it will be reciprocated but it really is not always the case sadly. For instance another well known phrase is "The more you give, the more gets taken"! Also sometimes true sadly!

Well put. Most of us try always to be kind, to do no harm. Sadly it isn’t always reciprocated, in fact at times it’s exploited

Just to clarify, my actual and not metaphorical job is going really well and I'm working my socks off lol

I'm really glad for you Violetsky Same here, but my previous boss was like the one from the film The Devil Wore Prada lol
Literally nothing I did was "good enough". She'd ring me evenings and weekends, demanding stuff- even though my job was weekday. I definitely don't miss that!

IMO the exploitation of kindness is why people need to have
boundaries.

Agree with you freedomfromthepast

Indeed Madgran which is why I posted earlier that for EP's here on GN it can come across as a judgement; we've been estranged because we were bad parents, and are reaping what we sowed.

"The more you give, the more gets taken" I can certainly identify with that.

I agree Onward that is what it should mean but sadly that isn't always the case.

Your previous boss sounds like a nightmare! It's bad enough when it happens at work when all of your hard work is neither recognised or valued, but when it's the relationship with your own child, well there's simply no comparison is there.

I agree too freedomfromthepast even if those boundaries are created by someone other than yourself.