My older brother had chips on his shoulders the size of the Titanic iceburgs - the main reason (as he told me) was that our Dad. who was invadided out of the armed services during WW11, did NOT then go on to make 'loads of money' on the black market as others did!!! This is what he told me - really blaming my Dad and feeling that we (he) had been failed by Dad NOT being a criminal!!!
He also blamed both my parents for putting him into an orphanage when he less than a year old for a few months. At that time, they had broken up, my Mum had returned to her parents, who had accepted her provided she worked, but not a baby. Back then (this is 1930) they had no alternative. Within six months they had reconciled and he was back with them. He has no memory of this time, but used what he had been told as another reason to castigate Dad.
He caused them no end of worry, being arrested for trying to falsify his post office savings book when he was 17 years old. My parents always stood by him, even when he would (on several occasions), borrow money from them and then disappear. They were just poor, very working class people. No property, little savings ever.
They hoped he had finally settled down when he married a lovely girl and they went on to have two children. My brother trained as a black cab drvier in London and even managed to get a mortgage (first member of our family EVER to live in their own house!!!
Then they emigrated.....and it all went very wrong quickly. Mhy sister-in-law became pregnant again, and my brother did not want any more children. He abandoned his family in the foreign country, having already fallen out with the civil authorities there and returned to England. That, my father could NOT forgive!!!!!
These actions meant that when his wife and three children were eventually able to return to her parents home, they were forbidden by those g.parents of having anything whatoeve to do with her husband's family ever again. Broke my parents heart not seeing their two eldest g.children and the new baby.
My brother would disappear for years at the time, then turning up, bright and breezy as if nothing had happened. I even had him living with myself and hubbie for a short time, until he started his usual way of NOT paying any rent. Visited him when he was in hospital having been knocked down on a zebra crossing- even persuaded a close friend who was a solicitor to take on his case. All fine, until not long before this was due to go to court, he did one of his disappearing acts along with a van full of cigaretes he was supposed to be delivering. Even went to visit him in Ford open prison!!!
He re-appeared not long before our Mum died - in her hospital bed she asked my Dad to try to keep a relationship with their son. Bless him, he did try........for six weeks, when son borrowed money and disappeared yet again. This time if was eleven years during which time Dad also died.
Then one evening I had a phone call full of jokes and good humour from my brother - he was now in his 70's, unwell, and lonely - and remembered he had a sister. For the next three or four years he was a constant part of my life. Telephoning me nearly every day , treating MY children to presents and meals out I did remind him that he was now a g.parent and might be good to see his own childen). He met his son once, made a further arrangement and failed to turn up. His daughter refused to see him, as did the youngest born after he had abandoned the family and whom he NEVER saw.
He ended in hospital and one of my children actually walked with his trolley down to the operating theatre, for an procedure from which he never recovered. He left debts which I covered as well as paying for his funeral. Yes, I was sad at losing my only sibling, but TBH was so used to his long absences it was just like one of those.
Fortunately, as my niece and nephew left their other g.parents home to get married, etc. they recontacted my parents and did have a good relationship with them and with me, which continues to this day. My anger at my brother reached its zenith when I read of my niece's wedding in a newspaper announcement and drove my parents to sit in the public gallery to watch their eldest g.child get married!!!
So, many years down the line - I do see my brother's children, grand children and g.grandchildren quite regularly and my own children have good relations with these cousins.
Reading so many sad enstrangement stories I just wanted to put this down, to say that there can be a happy ending in these cases, no matter how rotten one individual can be.