Harry: "I want my Father back. I want my brother back"

VS
If everything they said was the truth . . . Whose truth? I don’t know any of them well enough.
If someone in your family was slagging you off by broadcasting their view of the truth of what went on between you, would you accept their request to get together without wondering if they just want further ammunition?
Would you trust them not to broadcast their view of the content of your meeting if you agreed to meet?

It has happened to me. I have an ES who writes nonsense online and has been banned from most social media sites for inciting hatred and other hate crimes. He is quite capable of writing all kinds of stuff and he has.

I see no reason to proceed in a relationship if the trust has broken down because trust is part of love. It is sad, but trust must be rebuilt or there is no hope of a future meeting.

If my child or sibling were saying these things, yes I would meet, yes I would listen...

But I wouldn't have stood by and let it get to this point

I wouldn't have stood by while the media had a field day attacking them

I wouldn't have stood by while any racist remarks were made to them

I would have ensured my children and grandchildren who didn't choose to be born into this life were always protected

I wouldn't have ever expected them ro put duty before family

So...

Has Harry accepted any blame for the current situation? Not that I've seen, although as I didn't watch the Netflix series or any of the interviews I am basing it on others' reports. What I will ask is why did Harry feel the necessity to broadcast to the world that his father still takes his old battered teddy bear on trips with him? That has no relevance to the estrangement and has, in my opinion, been done to humiliate or embarrass Charles. That is a nasty unkind thing to do, for which I can find no excuse at all. Fair enough he wanted to tell the world how he lost his virginity, his frostbitten penis and other stuff I'd have kept private, but to reveal private irrelevant things about others shows a vindictive side to his nature.

If your son or daughter were saying these things, they too would have mental health issues. Only they can decide if they will accept help, no rational adult could begin to unpick so much.
It’s all very well thinking there is a simple answer to such paranoia, if you are not on the receiving end you can’t understand the trouble they cause.

I have never wanted it to go this far VS and I have always been available to chat with my ES. Unfortunately I could never resolve anything with him because once he had started to go on drug trips he changed mentally quite a lot and got very paranoid about everything. He claimed to have seen me doing things I had never done. As much as I could deny it, he would insist he was telling the truth and that I was gaslighting him.
This is why I get quite frustrated when people assume it's the parents fault or that we didn't listen or do enough. I am quite simply not enough.
Allsorts I am unqualified to deal with accusations of things that never existed caused by paranoia and seen only by my son with the aid of psychadelic drugs. He is ill and it's so hard because I want to have a relationship with him, but he gets so angry and says I'm gaslighting when I'm not- the reality he tries to force me to believe has landed him in trouble with most social media sites and I can't live by such Far right hatred.

Many people think I am a great person. Great with kids. But I cannot do anything about this and believe me, I have really tried.

I have defended him to everyone and out of all my kids he is the one who was the most needy, so we were always talking loads before he got on the drugs- and before my Mother estranged on that time when he got ill just afterwards and needed to be sectioned.

I put up with a lot of abuse just to stay in my GC's life. But eventually he even took that away to be cruel, so I stopped taking the abuse.

I agree with what you're saying though VS, overall about Charles- but it's never easy to know what was said behind closed doors and whether it was listened to or not. IF paranoia and drugs are involved, it's not so easy to say I would have done .... and therefore this would have worked (because it might not)

Rosie51 I heard that Prince Andrew had a teddy bear collection. Many adults do, no secret. Some even collect them. The frostbite had me feeling sick. TMI!

onward

Yours situation is not the same and I doubt the examples I gave apply at all

VS
So. . .
would you accept their request to get together without wondering if they just want further ammunition?
Would you trust them not to broadcast their view of the content of your meeting if you agreed to meet?

I don't say anything I wouldn't be happy for the whole world to know I said so not a problem

In the back of my mind, I keep wondering if the RF would be where they are if there had not been press briefings against each other?

In my eyes, if it is true that they leak stories to the press about each other, they are all at fault.

It is all very well and good, until you think about Harry's claim that his family leaked to the press where they were in Canada.

I am starting to think they all need to go away and get therapy.

imaround

Same

The moreiread the more I think this just isn't how you break a cycle

They have a chance with lots of therapy

Maybe therapy will help them, if they are all willing . They have more hope than most people as probably have access to the best people in the business.

I was referred for therapy but the therapist just told me I wasn't crazy it was my family and discharged me to counselling...

I'd still do therapy given the chance, I'm pretty sure he was wrong and I'm completely bonkers

VioletSky

I don't say anything I wouldn't be happy for the whole world to know I said so not a problem

How nice for you. But having read some of your posts, would you trust a family member not to broadcast their version of the truth of what you said, the way H&M are doing.

I've said I would sit down with them Molly

And I did with my family amd yes they used it against me but nothing I actually said so it didn't matter

If Harry does need help wouldn't you think his wealthy family would have done their very best to provide him with it. I remember him being publicly paraded visiting a drug rehabilitation clinic with his father, apparently because he had "tried" cannabis.It seems obvious he needed more help and much more confidential help. He isn't the first in the family to use drugs, nor is he the first to fight with his brother. This account of the life of a younger brother of Edward VIII is so interesting and there are so many parallels. www.scotsman.com/arts-and-culture/forgotten-prince-2463958
Those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it.
Let's hope Harry has broken the cycle.

VioletSky

I was referred for therapy but the therapist just told me I wasn't crazy it was my family and discharged me to counselling...

I'd still do therapy given the chance, I'm pretty sure he was wrong and I'm completely bonkers

VS I also had therapy but the therapist said my Mother was a narcissist. In all fairness, she may well be.

But I saw in a private FB group the other day that this is now what is being said to all kids who go for therapy, that they turn them against their parents. To the point that some parents don't want their kids to have therapy because they know they'll be turned against them. Sad!

Actually, my ES said when he was sectioned, that the hospital said it was all our fault. I actually couldn't believe it til now when I'm reading what you said and considering what I read the other day.

I dont think youre crazy at all, but why do the therapists feel a need to place blame at all? Surely we are quite good at doing that ourselves!

I had CBT last time, for ruminations, which didn't work. The only thing that helps is keeping busy and trying not to spend too much time alone.

Glorianny

If Harry does need help wouldn't you think his wealthy family would have done their very best to provide him with it. I remember him being publicly paraded visiting a drug rehabilitation clinic with his father, apparently because he had "tried" cannabis.It seems obvious he needed more help and much more confidential help. He isn't the first in the family to use drugs, nor is he the first to fight with his brother. This account of the life of a younger brother of Edward VIII is so interesting and there are so many parallels. www.scotsman.com/arts-and-culture/forgotten-prince-2463958
Those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it.
Let's hope Harry has broken the cycle.

He was however in therapy long before he met Meghan, he talked about it publicly.
www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2017/apr/16/prince-harry-sought-counselling-after-total-chaos-following-mothers-death

I am sorry, a good professional would never diagnose a person they have never met with a personality disorder. I have never experienced that, and I have seen multiple therapists throughout my life.

I remember it being said on previous threads that in England, a counselor must only take a short course for certification to practice? Maybe I am remembering wrong.

Here in the US, to be able to provide counseling, one must have a master degree and 2 years of clinical experience.

VioletSky

I've said I would sit down with them Molly

And I did with my family amd yes they used it against me but nothing I actually said so it didn't matter

Then that’s good. They’re not as bad as H appears to be.

I have no idea what you are saying

imaround

I am sorry, a good professional would never diagnose a person they have never met with a personality disorder. I have never experienced that, and I have seen multiple therapists throughout my life.

I remember it being said on previous threads that in England, a counselor must only take a short course for certification to practice? Maybe I am remembering wrong.

Here in the US, to be able to provide counseling, one must have a master degree and 2 years of clinical experience.

It was an NHS Practitioner that said it to me.

It was also the NHS who said similar to my son.

I am sorry that happened to you though the NHS.

It's ok, she was a very nice Psychologist and very helpful. It was a turning point in my life when I had the therapy.

My ES did not have such a good experience. He came back blaming me, where he'd not previously, but for a while we did get on better and he seemed to be grounded. Then he got bored and went travelling and became unwell, but has refused to seek MH help because he feels the NHS failed him.

Onward, Sorry for the trouble you have with your son, .people seem to think therapy sorts everything out which it doesn’t. People have to want it themselves, you can’t force a grown man along a path he doesn’t want to take, meanwhile their behaviour cause unknown grief, no person can withstand it for long. Mental health problems don’t follow a set pattern. You add alcohol or drugs into the picture and it must be impossible.How long would you want to be in a room with Harry? , I can’t even watch him.
You have to distance yourself in the end. I really feel for anyone living with such a person.