Nail in the Coffin

Well. Talk about biting the hand that feeds you. Your DIL, despite your declared hatred of you, made the effort to bring the children to visit, which you then refused. She sent pics, but you’re angry that she was in them. How dare she not pretend not to exist in her own family photos!

Seriously? You and your wife are holding this poor woman responsible for your son’s decisions and your loss of control over his life. None of the reasons you gave for your hatred are even about her! They’re all based on what you and your wife had decreed what your son’s future would be.

You burned the last remaining bridge. Hopefully your pride comforts you in the years to come, because it seems as though it’s all you’re going to be left with, due to your own choices and behaviour. Yes, your wife has equal responsibility, but you chose to follow her lead.

MercuryQueen

Well. Talk about biting the hand that feeds you. Your DIL, despite your declared hatred of you, made the effort to bring the children to visit, which you then refused. She sent pics, but you’re angry that she was in them. How dare she not pretend not to exist in her own family photos!

Seriously? You and your wife are holding this poor woman responsible for your son’s decisions and your loss of control over his life. None of the reasons you gave for your hatred are even about her! They’re all based on what you and your wife had decreed what your son’s future would be.

You burned the last remaining bridge. Hopefully your pride comforts you in the years to come, because it seems as though it’s all you’re going to be left with, due to your own choices and behaviour. Yes, your wife has equal responsibility, but you chose to follow her lead.

Sums it up so well.

It's an odd person that bites the outstretched olive branch, my opinion. I suspect, OP, by your own actions you're well and truly cut-off from you son, GC and dreaded, albeit sweet and kind DIL.

If it’s all true and I’m not sure then poor son and DIL.

BlueBelle

I m really sorry, as your support for your wife shines through but she is the one causing all this trouble and that’s going to be really hard for you to read
You saw the photos recognised that they looked happy and that was enough for you, you were prepared to text back your thanks with a simple message, but your wife overrode that and had to put the boot in and you did as she bade. She is the one causing all this trouble and unfortunately I think your son and daughter in law have made the right decision

Your wife obviously needs professional help and I m sure you do too to help you know how to stand up to her without feeling cruel
Good luck sometimes tough love is the best in the long run

Truly excellent advice bluebelle

It's just so terribly sad. We may not be best buddies with our kids' partners - but, still, we really appreciate that somebody loves and cares for them, puts up with them and makes them happy. That's how I feel.

I accept family members, faults and all (being far from perfect myself) and really value the time spent with them - and my precious grandchildren.

How awful to lose all that!

So DIL has been really kind and tried to open some narrative by sending you family pics to make you feel included (an olive branch if you like) and you are annoyed because she is in some of the pics and your son looks happy? I'm sorry but you sound unreasonable in this scenario.

Your son is never going to choose his parents over his own wife and children - it just won't happen. He's not a child anymore, he's a grown adult. They have their own lives now that do not necessarily include yourself or your wife.

They have their own home to run, their own lives to lead and their own children to raise. All decisions to do with anything in their lives is entirely their decision (particularly when it comes to their children) and that should be respected, not challenged. When he chose his partner and chose to have a family with her then they became his first priority and rightly so. It sounds like he is advocating for his wife and family. Congratulations you have clearly raised a good man.

I'm curious to know the reasons behind this distancing from their family ...

Your life your choice but sometimes we just need to accept our lives and if this is what you’ve chosen good luck.

I wonder what has happened 6 months on. Did he take all the good advice. Such a sad story.
Situations like this do make you look closely and think about your own behaviour over your life.

Gransnet does make you reflect on life.

What a sad story - I remember the "back story" now.

As parents, we really need to accept the partners our ACs have chosen. Unless there's some sort of abuse, or they really are causing aggravation, then, whatever we might think at times, we have to suck it up.

I'm lucky - I get on with both of my in-laws, but it has taken some adjustments and biting of tongues at times!😷

If they are happy, and the children are happy, then that's all it needs to be.

It's sad that your wife can't see that. But, you've made your choices and I wish you well. 💐

I can’t believe this, surely no one can be so unfeeling.

It's a wind up as the name implies,
Fishing?

Backstory

www.gransnet.com/forums/estrangement/1316759-Estrangement-sucks