Friendship, advice and support if estrangement has affected your life

Morning everyone.

It looks as if we're in for a cold weekend and I'm so pleased I bought some new pj's that as well as being very warm are also rather a bright red tartan .

Your Tomte looks great Whiff. It must be lovely seeing all the Christmas decorations with your little GS. Mr. S. just has to make do with me dashing around the beautiful displays as he hopes that I'll be content with just looking and don't see anything I want to buy, which TBF is usually the case.

We're going out for a meal tomorrow evening with our lovely girl and her new friend, who we've met briefly once. K's booked the restaurant we all went too just a few weeks before S died, our last night out together.

I think it's going to feel rather strange.

Never heard of a Tomte before Whiff looks nice, what's it for?
Sorry to hear about your shaking hands, My dad's hands shock badly when he was in his 80s. I read his last entre in my mum's logbook at her care home, it was so bad, did make me feel sad.

I'm off to an Xmas Market this afternoon with my D&GC, trying to get my S to come along on his day off, but don't think he will. Been buying quite a lot of Xmas gifts online this week. I always waited till Dec to buy anything at all to do with Xmas as my youngest DD birthday is on the 23rd Nov. and liked that to be done & dusted before thinking of Xmas. Now she is no longer in our lives I can 'do' Xmas earlier now.

Yes Smiles it will be strange to revisit the restaurant you last went to with your girl that passed away, with a different friend this time. Hope all goes well.

Whiff you are so clever with your hands, even if they do shake! I’ve not really been into crafting so am full of admiration for those that are. Nothing beats a homemade gift 😊

Whiff, so glad your Wednesday was so happy, your daughter is lovely, she cares for you so much and must be very proud of your independence. I don’t know what a Tromte is but think I heard it spoke of when I went to Norway in relation to giants or something magical in the mountains, can you enlighten me please.
Yoga like you, I don’t like going out of an evening now, a couple of things planned in next few week but I’m thinking of excuses to get out of them.

I know the feeling Allsorts .

We had a nice time at the Xmas market yesterday, all very expensive, an advent calendar I picked up was £35 and didn't look ay better than the £10 ones you can get in Tesco. So, DD & I didn't buy anything other than a coffee and a cake each which came to £35+ for us 4. As lovely & special as it all was, not a patch on the actual German Xmas market. My DD and I went by coach one year and it was amazing. But then so were the Dutch Xmas markets when we lived there, very special.

Royal mail just delivered my parcel that I was told each day for the last 3 days; Will be delivered today. It is the most expensive gift I've bought so far at £125 but £112 in the Black Friday deal. And who's it for...my little dog Joey It's some clippers so I can give him a little trim between grooming, he needs doing about every 6 weeks and at £40 a time works out expensive over the year. Also, he cries so much when I leave him.

Freezing today

Morning everyone.

I know that feeling too Allsorts and Yogin. A friend picks me up in Tuesday evening for choir but on a Thursday I have to make my own way and always feel a little anxious.

Of course what happened the other week when two roads were closed and I didn't know how to get home didn't help, but I know Mr. S. will always come to my rescue. Goodness knows what I'll do if anything ever happens to him.

I've noticed recently that even going out on my own during the day makes me anxious. Poor mum was agoraphobic for the last 15 plus years of her life and it does worry me that I could be the same.

I bought a lovely advent calendar at a garden centre for £10 which I thought was more than enough to spend. £35+ sounds about right Yogin with the rise in the cost of living. Just as well you didn't have lunch.

Oooh I hope little Joey will be pleased with his Christmas present. It did make me that his is the dearest gift you've bought so far.

Our two are the same, especially Poppy our cockapoo. She shakes and looks at me with those beautiful brown eyes to make me feel guilty, even when Rachel's giving her a cuddle. Pippin's tail is down when he realises where we're going and it's amazing how strong that little dog is, when he's pulling to go in the opposite direction or pulling to get back home when the weather's not good.

It is expensive isn't it. £98 for our two every 6 weeks and she trims their claws too. Do you trim Joey's? Well done if you do. Mr. S. used to do my cats claws but they're thinner and he's never had the confidence to do the dogs.

I saw this the other day and thought of everyone past and present, who contributes to this thread and have done so for so many years.

'The measure of someone's strength isn't how much they can take before they break, but what they can accomplish when they've been broken'.

x

Great quote Smiles!

I took my granddaughter out for lunch, a sandwich and coffee. £30.00, I think that was over the top. It was so nice be with her though and I don't do it if often.
I think Joey will be thrilled with his gift Yoga. Are you putting it in his stocking?
I've decided, I'm not driving in the winter months of an evening any more, I get comfortable and dont like,going out in cold icy weather anymore. Also I do not enjoy going to stay with people now as l have my routine here and can have my heating on as much as I like and eat when I wish. Do hope I am not getting anti social
Smileless your dogs sound amazing, They have so,much love to give, how can anyone say no to a Cockerpoo. I met a little Brison yesterday which I nearly ran off with,

Bugger it happened again. Finally had time to write a post and it disappeared. But need to get up now so will try later or in the morning as at my best first thing. Sit fit class thus afternoon.

I haven't forgotten you just been busy on my HPX group so many new people been trying to help them.

Take care all and I will be back .😁

Smiles great quote. Hope you had a nice meal with your lovely girl and her friend. It would have been tinged with sadness at memories of meals there before but hopefully you made a new one .

I don't go out at night unless it's with my daughter and family or friends. I am not frightened about going out but myself but I have no need to. After my dinner I like to put my PJs on and my cosy hooded blanket with sleeves. If I know I won't get home before 4 I put my outside lights on went I leave this time of the year as I like the cosy glow even though my flood light comes on and it makes it easier for me to put my key in the door.

I don't go into the city during the day unless I am going to the Brain Charity or rail station. Over the years before living up here the children took me to see all the sites and lots of different restaurants . Last time I went shopping in the city was winter 2019. I found it exhausting and felt hemmed in and the noise got to me. In fact I felt dizzy in a big store but the shop assistants where kind one got me to a seat while another one got me some water. Thanks to my diagnosis I know understand why that happened and why it happened for decades when I went out by myself even to the village where I used to live. Everything can set off my startle reflex and my body stiffens and in those days still had the limb jerks and siezures. Thankfully the Clonazepam stopped them .

My neighbour fitted a new post box onto my wall for me Thursday morning but wouldn't take any payment . So Friday went to Sainsbury's and got a bottle of Prosecco and a good red and alone with a jar of my red tomato chutney and a mango one took them round . The couple said I shouldn't have but I can't receive without giving a thank you.

On the walk from the main road I didn't notice a man in his front garden as I have to look at the pavement as I walk. Always have done since a child hence my malformed spine at the top I have a lump . He coughed and I ended up falling into the wall . At least I stayed upright. I explained as I always do now I know why it happens. Like most with HPX we talk about it as in the past where I used to live after my husband died I had abuse shouted at me . This was in the early days of widowhood when I didn't fight back but after a couple of years I did. I had men shout at me I shouldn't drink of a morning and called what Scope used to be called but the shortened word which I won't write as it's offensive. It was like being back at high school again being bullied .

Posted in case I lost it. Allsorts great post on the previous page. You are right Tomte is Norwegian. It's a house gnome spirit which helped families mainly farming ones. At Christmas you have to put out a large bowl of porridge with a large knob of butter on top as a thank you. If you didn't the Tomte left and the family had bad luck.

The one I made Yogin was a door stop. I had made his brother one last year and always treat them the same. They had new doors so they stay open . I had weighted the bottom by making a bag and putting in 200g of rice and then filled with toy stuffing. My daughter said that will end up in bed with him. Funny enough when I cross stitch my hands don't tremble . At least I don't have the limb jerks anymore as my hoop used to fly across the room.

Joey will enjoy his clippers and no doubt he will have a treat for letting you trim his fur.

I didn't realise it was so expensive to have dogs trimmed but it's better than them being uncomfortable especially in the hot weather. That reminds me must book a hair cut today.

Allsorts glad you had a nice lunch with your granddaughter but that was expensive for sandwich and coffee. I have noticed prices here are a lot less for things since living here. Both the children always moaned about petrol prices where I used to live as it was cheaper here.

I got my grandsons advent calendars from Etsy end of October they are lovely and just over £5 each. I don't buy them chocolate ones but their parents get a Cadburys on. Used to do the same for my other 2 grandson's I know and same for their parents.

Will be putting my outside stake white stars along my front boarder leading to my bungalow on Friday and the tree will go up and the lights on and the delicate bells my brother and sister in law brought me from Belgium at the top. Saturday my daughter and grandsons are coming for lunch and to decorate my tree then we are off to see Santa at the garden centre we have been to since 2020. My daughter has made it a tradition I go with them and after the boys have done the tree they have there photo taken in the armchair by it. The little one was only a month old in the first photo but he's 3 now and his brother will b

Screen froze. Be 6 in January. But had all my cards and presents written and wrapped since being of the month even my secret Santa for my craft group. I always ask my daughter for gift ideas for the boys and buy them together and spilt them between birthday and Christmas.

My brother and me decided not to bother with presents we didn't for our birthdays this year and neither of us knows what to get and we are at an age if we want something we get it. But when they come here and me there we treat eachother to a meal . But when I visit and they visit it me it's just lovely being with them. And my sister in law and I craft together and chat. My craft group have adopted her as a member. Hopefully next time they visit it will include a Thursday and my brother can take us. I share their makes with her and vise versa. The Christmas craft stall she has with a friend is for 2 days in the city so hopefully they will make more money than the Halloween one. But people don't realise how long things take to make. My Tomte took 3 months and that was stitching everyday for a few hours. My sister in law's needle felting can take 2 -7 days depending on the size .

Can't remember if I said I was baking mad last week . I made one of my craft members great aunties Parkin recipe on Saturday last week. Then Sunday made fatless tea bread. Tuesday 2 gingerbread , marmalade and chocolate cakes . Parkin was for my craft group the rest for my grandson's Xmas fair on Friday. The caretaker asked my daughter if she had taken in the Marmalade cake and who made it she even told him I made the marmalade. He said it was the best Marmalade cake he had eaten. Hopefully the other cakes where enjoyed my daughter said they had sold. All my cooking and baking is done my short cut ways.

Allsorts you aren't getting anti social. But I am like you I like doing what I want when I want . Eating my way especially as I drop food down me hence a tea towel and kitchen roll tucked into my top when I have a meal at home. Even when eating out have plenty of napkins and use a spoon and fork to eat.

When at home I do what needs doing of a morning that way the afternoons are for cross stitch and TV. Also have more energy of a morning. Funny enough my sit fit class and craft group are on afternoons but they are fun .

Anyway better stop rambling sorry if I have missed any one out. But thinking about you all. Wrap up warm as it's getting colder and parts are forecast snow today.

This is my secret Santa

Morning all.

Got the flu, my son has it as well, think we got it from my little GD. Slept all day yesterday, didn't eat a thing, but managed to do my class in the evening. My son's off work as well and in bed at the mo. I don't have a class on a Tuesday, so hope I'm ok for my Wednesday evening class.

Whiff well done on making that Tomte, took you a long time and all the other things you're making, you're very clever!

Allsorts £30 is a lot for a sandwich & coffee, but then you had the joy of your GD. Yes, I will wrap Joey's gifts and put them under the tree for him.

Smiles it's a catch22 putting our little furbabies in for a groom, but when they come out, they always look Gorgeous don't they. I have clipped my little doggie's nails in the past, but don't like doing it, so prefer the groomer to do the job.

Morning everyone.

It's a lovely sunny day here but so cold.

We did have a lovely time on Saturday thanks Whiff but it was sad and strange being out as a foursome without S. I ended up having an early night because when I got home I was hit by a horrible headache and an over whelming feeling of sadness and grief.

K's asked us to go to a memorial service next week, organised by the funeral directors that took care of S for all those they've taken care of this year, if their loved ones want them to be included.

No idea what to expect apart from it being very emotional, especially for K who has asked just us two to go along and support her.

Your secret Santa is beautiful Whiff and whoever receives it will be thrilled.

Hope you're feeling OK Yogin. Flu us horrible and knocks you off of your feet so don't expect to be able to take your class tomorrow. You need plenty of rest and fluids and keep warm .

Oh yes, they do look gorgeous when they've been groomed don't they. Our little poodle looks like a fluffy cloud when we pick him up. They both look and small beautiful so the rest of the day is spent giving them cuddles.

Had my singing lesson this morning and came away on a high. I'm learning opera (first time today) and it went really well; my teacher was very impressed. It's going to take some time and hard work but I'm very excited about it. Big breaths are needed and a lot of control.

When I was singing, my entire body felt alive. I've always loved singing but have never experienced anything quite like it.

Wrap up warm ladies if you're going out today. I'll be venturing out this evening for choir practice and will be pleased to get back to a cozy home when finished.

smell beautiful

Yogin hope you and your son are better soon.

Smiles your grief with overwhelm at the oddest times. And it will hit you out of the blue. But that the price we pay for loving someone. But life would be the poorer for not loving someone. You loved your lovely girls when they where together and you feel the loss and grieve for her but also for her partner as you see and feel her grief.

The memorial service will be lovely. I went to my nans that was for all the people who had died that year it wasn't doom and gloom but a celebration of their lives. And where a funeral is full of sadness the memorial service wasn't.

Singing opera another string to your bow. I listen to classic FM from 5am until 1 everyday . I love opera and classical music. My youngest grandson dances to opera but is still if its just an orchestra. Renee Flemming is my favourite female opera singer,Bryn and Andrea are my favourite male singers can't think how to spell there surnames but love to hear them singing the Pearl fisherman's duet. Found I love harp music. My daughter put Spotify on my phone for me. I just use the free version which has adverts but then does Classic FM.

I even have a go at singing opera but I have a voice that could peel paint 🤣. But you can't be sad singing even a nursery rhyme can make you feel happy. Not the PC versions . What's wrong with baa baa black sheep. There are black sheep.

When is your first concert must be soon.

Finger trembled and pressed post.

Anyway keep warm everyone they keep forecasting snow ❄️.

Well done with your singing Smiles did you sing before this, it's lovely you have found something to immerse yourself in and enjoy.

Still suffering from the flu, as is my son. Such a painful throat last night, couldn't even swallow water, went to bed at 8.30 and didn't get up till 7.30am.

Thank you Whiff. Saying 0` on my weather app. but feels like -2

Evening everyone, hope you've all had a good day.

It will take a few days to get over it Yogin. Hopefully a good night's sleep last night will have helped. Hope you're feeling a little better .

Yes, I've been singing off and on since I was at school. My first ever solo was when I was 6 during a school nativity play but this week was my first attempt at opera, which proves you're never too old to learn.

Thanks for telling me about your experience of a memorial service Whiff, funnily enough a friend in my choir is in another choir and they're going to be singing there.

We arrived at our flat today for a few days and will go home on Sunday. It was freezing when we arrived but is now lovely and warm and cozy. It still amazes me what a fantastic job Mr. S. did because it was in such a terrible state and he did the lion's share of the work.

Going to stay in town tomorrow and get a train on Friday into a city we haven't been too since we moved 7 years ago. Saturday from 1.00 pm to 8.00 pm there's going to be a Dickensian Christmas event. We had no idea that was taking place so will hopefully enjoy that before going to one of our favourite Italian restaurants in the evening.

It's a hard life, but someone has to do it .

Smiles Mr S is a wiz at DIY and glad the apartment is as you want it. Glad I could help about the memorial service. Having the choir there will be lovely.

I envy you going to the Dickensian event bet their will be people in costume. I have been watching 2 Christmas films a day on channel 5. And already watch 2 versions of A Christmas carol plus miracle on 34th street. In iPlayer there are 2 versions of a Christmas carol one is a stage version which I got fed up with after 10 mins. But liked the Guy Pearce film version . Darker than any other version I had seen but think it more true to the book which I read years ago at school. We had an English teacher who was Dickenson made we read Great expectations at 12 then the rest of his more famous works. Tale of two cities was always my favourite. Don't think I have the patience to read them now. But glad I did when young.

Freezing here but will wrap up warm for my craft group and put on my hiking boots as they have a better grip than my ankle boots.

Yogin hope you and your son are feeling a bit better.

Keep warm everyone and be careful going out.

It's a cold and frosty morning and we've had a brief shower of snow.

Miracle on 34th Street and A Christmas Carol are my two favourite Christmas films Whiff, with the Patrick Stewart version being the best. I'll watch them several times on the run up to Christmas.

Bought a couple of toys for the dogs yesterday, one is a little rhino which is soft and rather than squeak, makes a deep grunting sound. Poppy is obsessed with it!!! I think it's because it makes a sound she hasn't heard before so she's carrying it around with her and keeping it with her at all times.

I think she'd have made a lovely mum, but we'd have ended up with a house full because there's no way I could have parted with adorable little puppies.

Hope you're both feeling a little better today Yogin.

Keep warm and stay safe everyone.

Hi there, new here. Good to see there is support for other Grandparents being cut off from their child and grandchildren. 💗

My husband's oldest daughter had a baby last November. She lives across the country. We went to see them and help out last January. We thought we were wanted since his daughter discussed the best dates with us to come, and had been zooming with us about once a month while pregnant and shortly after giving birth.

But once we got there, she shunned us, said horrible, horrible things to her father, told him he wasn't allowed to tell me anything so he suffered in silence for several days on the trip, and never let us hold the baby in the 10 days we were in town. We also were not allowed to stay with them, and I my got to see them briefly for 4 of those days. We spent much of the time in a hotel room, shocked and devastated.

He has a good relationship with his other daughter. Like any parent, he made mistakes. But he is a kind soul who has done a lot of inner work and healing and has reached out to both girls, apologizing for hia failings and displaying a willingness to talk and resolve any remaining issues. His older daughter never even acknowledged his reaching out. She just let us spend the money, time, and energy to travel to see them, only to reject us the very first night.

Since then, she'd still allowed her Dad access to see pictures and video of his granddaughter through Instagram. Last night, for no apparent reason, she blocked him from that. We haven't had any interaction with them since our visit, except for a birth card to her husband a few months back, which also went ignored. This has come out of left field.

He will not put his other daughter in the middle by asking to see pictures from her, but now that means we have zero access. I hurt so much for him. How can I support him?

Hello FlowerGardener and welcome to this support thread.

What an awful thing to do, to invite you and then treat you and her especially her father so cruelly; I'm so sorry.

Your husband's right not to ask to see pictures of his grand daughter or to ask for any information. This is a very difficult position for siblings to be in, when they can see how distraught their parents are and dread being 'piggy in the middle'.

I'm sure you're doing this already because all you can do is listen when he wants to talk. Of course he made mistakes, there isn't a parent in the world who hasn't done so. His daughter will make mistakes too with her daughter, and will have to hope that when she grows up, she doesn't do to her, what she's doing to your husband and you.

I hurt so much for him I understand. Sometimes seeing my husband weep for the son who estranged us was the most painful thing of all for me .