Estranged daughter and my will

Ok, well I’ve never been estranged, or anywhere near it, with my ACs, so perhaps they take a different view to you.😉

My arguments were with my step kids, and their overweening selfishness and sense of entitlement. 🙄

How on earth can you possibly assess the behaviour of people by reading a few sentences on a forum?

Does that show you how people bought up their children, the family dynamics, the issues and challenges, the love, the arguments, the siblings, and in laws, and the family as a whole?

I'll give you a clue; you can't.

All you can do is assess your own family.

Which is what most of us were saying - every family is different, and we make our inheritance choices based on our own family.

To try and assess someone real life, over the net, is a bit odd.😗

Most peculiar.

What I find strange are the attitudes of those who have estranged their parents, as shown on this forum, rather than the other way around.

I think, despite their posts to the contrary, many of those who estrange their parents, even if it’s for valid reasons, seem to hang onto the bitterness and anger they feel.

Estranging those you feel are harmful, should bring peace and happiness, but it doesn’t seem to a lot of the time.

Sad really.

I used to find it strange GSM but I've got used to it here on GN.

EP's in general do seem to be able to differentiate between the AC who estranged them and any EAC posting here, not judging them by their own experience. Not assuming or suggesting that they are being less than honest when they talk about the parents or p's.i.l. they estranged because it makes them feel uncomfortable or challenged to accept that of course, for some estrangement was the only course of action open to them.

I don't know why it appears to be difficult or even impossible for some EAC to not judge the EP's who post here based on their own experiences, likening them to their own parents or p's.i.l.

I think that's why these threads often become unpleasant and difficult which is a shame for those who simply want to share their experiences, opinions and explanations for decisions they have taken.

I'm glad I wasn't alone in finding the post peculiar or odd.
Maybe I was a bit over cautious, but as we didnt hear back from the poster to explain themselves, it played on my mind.

Yes that is sad DL

User138562

I mean that the behavior of estranged parents in this forum resembles the behavior of the mother I estranged.

I don't know why anyone would assume some nefarious meaning but there you have it.

I dont know why anyone would assume some nefarious meaning ...

Probably because you didnt explain your self
User138562

Oh and Thank you for doing so, in the end

No you were right Namsnanny which was why I asked User what she meant. I thought when I read it that she meant EP's here remind her of the mother she estranged, and I find comments like rather annoying TBH.

If someone's got something to say I prefer them to do so with out posting one liners in the hope that those reading will know what they mean, so they can try and avoid actually coming out with it.

Smileless2012

Yes that is sad DL

Yes, the only “formal” estrangement I’ve ever done (if that’s the word) was my ex MIL. I told her my reasons, walked away and never looked back. But I wasn't angry or bitter.

I felt as if a weight had been lifted, that was it.

The same as I felt when I left my first marriage really. I never carried any bitterness with me. Life was better.

“C’est la vie”, as they say.

It must be difficult when you can’t, for whatever reason, let the past go.

Thats not healing.

I didn't clarify because everyone piles on. The comment wasn't for your benefit. I explained because someone said they were genuinely worried.

You are not all victims of people who disagree on an open message board. The dramatics are too much and I will disengage (for now) so you all can continue to talk about terrible we are. Enjoy!

I wasn’t aware of anyone taking about anyone terrible, but yeah, whatever floats your boat.👍🍾

No body has piled on User and no one is claiming to be a victim. When someone puts on one liners, it's understandable that they're queried.

so you all can continue to talk about how terrible we are a good example of being dramatic.

Even though estrangement was never anything we'd have wanted DL, when I read some of the posts from parents, p's.i.l. and GP's I can see how our lives could have been had we not been estranged and are thankful that we were at least spared that.

...^so you can all talk about how terrible we are^ ...

My circumstances don't allow me to be in one group against the other, as I have a mother who I am low contact with (trying to do my best for her at 89y through gritted teeth🤣) and have been estranged.
I'm like the meat in a estrangement sandwich🤣😂🤣

I'm like the meat in the estrangement sandwich awww Namsnanny it can't be easy for you and no one's saying how terrible EAC are anyway, if anything it's the opposite.

Smileless2012

No body has piled on User and no one is claiming to be a victim. When someone puts on one liners, it's understandable that they're queried.

so you all can continue to talk about how terrible we are a good example of being dramatic.

Even though estrangement was never anything we'd have wanted DL, when I read some of the posts from parents, p's.i.l. and GP's I can see how our lives could have been had we not been estranged and are thankful that we were at least spared that.

No, I do get both sides. I struggled with my mother (a totally awkward women) when she contracted Alzheimer’s and I had to help look after her (mainly to support my dad).

But, I gritted my teeth and got on with it. I’m perhaps a product of my generation. I didn’t particularly mourn her death, but I just nodded and smiled, and got on with it, for the sake of my Dad, and my adult ACs, who were all devastated when she died.

Life’s never easy at times, but sometimes, you just have to suck it up for those you love.

But, I won’t appease anyone else’s bad behaviour if it only affects me.🙂

That's the thing with estrangement DL other family members can end up being collateral damage, especially children.

Smileless2012

That's the thing with estrangement DL other family members can end up being collateral damage, especially children.

Yes as I’m finding out with Miss D and the baby.🙄

Hopefully, the judge will sort it out. The social workers are backing us.

Wearing though. 😖

Smileless2012

^I'm like the meat in the estrangement sandwich^ awww Namsnanny it can't be easy for you and no one's saying how terrible EAC are anyway, if anything it's the opposite.

I’m sad that the polarisation continues. What does a pile on mean in the context of this discussion. It’s not like politics, where opposite views can result in a ‘pile on’. This is real life, with real feelings and experiences

Iam64

Smileless2012

I'm like the meat in the estrangement sandwich awww Namsnanny it can't be easy for you and no one's saying how terrible EAC are anyway, if anything it's the opposite.

I’m sad that the polarisation continues. What does a pile on mean in the context of this discussion. It’s not like politics, where opposite views can result in a ‘pile on’. This is real life, with real feelings and experiences

I suppose politics are simple - everyone can disagree, shrug and move on, even after a “pile on”.

I haven’t seen any evidence, on here, of any sort of pile on. People just have their strong views because emotions are involved.😗

I don't know what it means in the context of this thread Iam because there hasn't been one. Unfortunately the polarisation will always continue if there are those who are unable or unwilling to look beyond their own experiences.

I have known of two men upon remarriage after the death of a partner, who left everything to the new partner, despite always previously had a good relationship with their children. I got nothing off my own father for that reason, but I had no animosity as we had always been close and the new wife was in control from day one. I and my siblings never challenged it.
Fast forward twenty years, my only daughter whom I always adored estranged me. Nothing I did would bring her to discuss it with me. A few years later I went to a solicitor to change my will but cancelled it as I was in floods of tears, the lady solicitor was so upset and she said leave it a while it's too raw, I left it two years and went back to her and finally did it. After, she told me it was far from uncommon, that more arguments came after will reading than you would think. She then added, I can't think how you must feel but know you're not alone.
I've never forgotten her kindness.
It's a huge step for any parent to take, we shouldn't be judged, I didn't judge my father, he was a good man who unfortunately made a bad choice of wife, he had said that to me but couldnt face a divorce as he wasn't in the best of health, he married too soon after my mother died.
At the end if the day it's just money, no one might get anything if we live long enough to use it all up on care. If there is any spare cash help them now whilst you can is my thoughts on it but it's up to the individual.
Some estranged parents are bad but so are some estranged children.