Estranged daughter and my will

It isn't an easy decision as you say Allsorts and for us and I'm sure for many, wasn't made until we knew that our relationship was over and nothing could change that.

I am estranged from my Toxic mother, and I certainly hope she has written me out of her will. I do not want anything from her, nor would I expect it. She dangled that will over me so many times when we were still in contact it was just exhausting the games people play with the wills.

One thing I would not do is tell your estranged daughter or your favorite daughter what you plans are. It is just another way to hurt your daughter and empower the golden child. Take it all to the grave unless you are looking to be witness their reaction which isn't healthy.

Toxic is a word I hear a lot about, what exactly is it. Is it someone one getting on your nerves, saying the wrong thing, neglecting you, abusing you? I know there's bitter people and cruel ones it’s in the papers all the time. I do wonder if it’s used to describe someone you’ve just grown out of or that you consider a nuisance who irritates. This is not aimed at any individual as its mothers as well as daughters that estrange as the person was toxic.

As far as I can tell southwestgran doesn't have a favourite D and the D she remains in contact with isn't a golden child SMA.

The estrangement is her D's choice, not her's.

Toxic is used in this context to describe someone who is... In the most basic terms, unhealthy to be around.

Because our body's are complex, someone who is hurting you on an emotional level can also impact your physical health. Things like Reflux, IBS, fibromyalgia and many many autoimmune conditions can be triggered by stress. It's widely known to be fact that too much emotional trauma in early life impacts brain development and our bodies ability to heal or be resilient to certain addictions. These problems can be healed to a certain extent in later life but not easily while in contact with the toxic person that poisoned them during key stages of development

So in the same way we would deem certain plants (as one example) to be toxic and harmful to our health... So are some people

There’s no stress like being estranged except bereavement.

Allsorts

Toxic is a word I hear a lot about, what exactly is it. Is it someone one getting on your nerves, saying the wrong thing, neglecting you, abusing you? I know there's bitter people and cruel ones it’s in the papers all the time. I do wonder if it’s used to describe someone you’ve just grown out of or that you consider a nuisance who irritates. This is not aimed at any individual as its mothers as well as daughters that estrange as the person was toxic.

Well, I don’t label people, as I’m not a qualified psychiatrist - some are nice to be near, others are not.

People often do seem more bitter, angry and dissatisfied with life, but I don’t know why.

Any major stress can trigger physical problems - whether that’s divorce, bereavement, estrangement, homelessness, debt or even moving home. It happens.

With most stress, a way of dealing with it can usually be found, and then (hopefully), the physical symptoms subside.

Life is a juggling act at times.🤷‍♀️

Life is a juggling act at times it certainly is DL and it's not always easy keeping all the balls in the air. I agree that People often do seem more bitter, angry and dissatisfied with life and like you, I don't know why but I do think it's sad.

even moving home you're right about that DL as we are finding ATM. My exceptionally well organised brain has gone to mush since we made our decision on Friday.

I even managed to go out last night wearing only one dangling ear ring . When we got in I realised I wasn't wearing one and assumed I must have lost it. It was only when I saw it in the bedroom that I realised what I'd done .

There's no stress like being estranged except bereavement you're right Allsorts.

I can think of much worse stressors than estrangement. For example, prolonged abuse from a loved one is worse than estrangement.

Toxic is a word like many others used to convey meaning. I can say I had a toxic mother rather than sit for some time and describe all the ways she hurt me every time it comes up in conversation

It's not a label and it's not a diagnosis.

People do not walk into a friend's house and say "I brought eggs flour, sugar and butter that I put in a bowl, mixed until light and fluffy, placed in 2 tins, cooked for 36 minutes at 180 degrees, waited while it cooled, placed jam and cream between the 2 layers then dusted with icing sugar... Enjoy" They say "I brought cake!"

It must be difficult to be around people who are bitter, angry and dissatisfied

I count myself blessed for the people around me who are the wonderful family I found for myself after estrangement

It must be difficult to be around people who are bitter, angry and dissatisfied I agree VS and like you, know we are blessed for those we do share our lives with.

You may be right User, but I suppose the only way anyone could know for certain would have to be unfortunate enough to have experienced both.

I have experienced both

An abusive childhood was the much harder to recover from

I have experienced childhood abuse and being estranged by my son. For me the estrangement has been harder and although we've come a long way, I can't say either of us have recovered from, or even come to terms with our estrangement.

It's a work in progress but I have came to terms with the abuse and thankfully managed to do so some time ago.

The issue you and I have Smileless is that the abusive childhood happened first and neither of us know what impact that had on dealing with later relationships/breakdowns

It is besides the point really though, whatever someone's worst experience was, that is what it was. We are all different and for anyone to say in any way that their experience was worse than someone else's is entirely lacking in sense or empathy

I may have missed something VioletSky. Has someone said their experience was worse than someone else’s?
My impression is of posters acknowledging each others pain

When my mother died (relatively young) I had one child and my brother and sister were both unmarried and childless.

For reasons I never found out, my mother left her money
(it was not a huge amount) to be split 50/50 between me and my sister. To avoid any unpleasantness and resentment from our brother we simply arranged to split the money three ways. As my brother never mentioned this again, let alone felt the need to thank us, I don't know how it affected him.

Were we wrong to go against our mother's wishes?

Iam64

I may have missed something VioletSky. Has someone said their experience was worse than someone else’s?
My impression is of posters acknowledging each others pain

Not in those words

you are welcome to read back, I don't really want to single anyone out

Bumface

When my mother died (relatively young) I had one child and my brother and sister were both unmarried and childless.

For reasons I never found out, my mother left her money
(it was not a huge amount) to be split 50/50 between me and my sister. To avoid any unpleasantness and resentment from our brother we simply arranged to split the money three ways. As my brother never mentioned this again, let alone felt the need to thank us, I don't know how it affected him.

Were we wrong to go against our mother's wishes?

I actually think that is a lovely thing to do... Sorry it was not acknowledged but still lovely

That's my impression too Iam. I certainly haven't seen anyone say in any way, that their experience has been worse than someone else's.

Once you and your sister received your inheritance from your mum Bumface, it was up to you what you did with it.

"There is no stress like being estranged except bereavement"

It's been said twice now

Others disagree

Mourning the childhood every child should be entitled too and walking away from the person you are programmed to love despite their toxic behaviour is also incredibly hard

It is not a competition, stress is stress, pain is pain

Allsorts

There’s no stress like being estranged except bereavement.

As someone who was estranged for decades I assure you - it was incredibly less stress than having a relationship with my husbands parents. There’s no stress like toxic, abusive , manipulative relationships

Well, perhaps it’s about opinions. I had a difficult childhood, to say the least, I’ve done estrangement, but never with my own ACs, so I can’t comment on that. And, I’ve had to estrange a couple of people.

Losing my husband, though, knocked it all into a cocked hat.

I have seriously never known pain like it.

But, this forum isn’t supposed to be about a race to the bottom, it’s about offering support, whatever the pain.🙂

mourning the childhood every child should be entitled too and walking away from the person you are programmed to love despite their toxic behaviour is also incredibly hard

I agree Violet, it’s not a competition, estrangement from parents, or from adult children much loved is stress, pain is pain

it's not a competition no it isn't Iam. Posters are talking about what they have experienced. I have experienced both and said for me, that our estrangement has been the hardest to deal with.

Has anyone posted that their pain and suffering is greater than anyone else who has posted? No, they haven't.

this forum isn't about a race to the bottom, it's about offering support, whatever the pain precisely DL.