Estranged daughter and my will

It’s always going to be about what the relationships have been like.

Estranging someone who you feel treats you badly, for whatever reason, provides a solution for the estranger. But, often, not for the estranged.

If you’ve got a bad marriage, losing your partner won’t have the same impact as losing the love of your life.

But, it’s impossible to compare - my estrangements were one step removed from me - they weren’t my birth children. I know how it hurt DH, and I was angry on his behalf, but it didn’t have the emotional wallop that parents obviously feel when their own children estrange them. Especially when they don’t really understand the reasoning behind it.

I’ve now estranged my adult step-kids and their adult kids, and it hasn’t caused me any stress. I just didn’t want to deal with them any more.

No one really knows how anything feels until they experience it. All others can do, which happens on here, is to offer support.

Excellent post DL .

Glad people have been able to agree on that

It's so disheartening to see comments where people believe their pain above others

The worst thing someone has experienced is simply the worst thing they have experienced and that really is that

No one has made comments about their pain being greater than someone else's VS. Where have you seen someone post 'my pain is greater than .......'?

The post you referred to on the previous page isn't doing so. It's comparing the pain of estrangement to the pain of bereavement, not one person's pain in comparison to someone else's.

The worst thing someone has experienced is simply the worse thing they have experienced ... exactly and who has said otherwise?

Unless you’ve been through all scenarios, it’s impossible to say what is worse.🤷‍♀️

Pain is pain.

VioletSky

Glad people have been able to agree on that

It's so disheartening to see comments where people believe their pain above others

The worst thing someone has experienced is simply the worst thing they have experienced and that really is that

I think most had agreed, and I haven’t seen comments where anyone thought their pain was worse.

As I said, I’ve been through various things, and I know where my pain was worse, but I wouldn’t dream of talking for others.

Their pain is theirs.

I agree with Bluebelle. In your situation I would help the younger daughter now if you are in a position to do that. Don't think I would leave one AC out of my will . The repercussions after your death will not be nice - although you won't be around to see the fall out!! We are all different and have no idea about why the estrangement happened, so not really in a position to judge. I am just thankful I am not in your situation, but if I were I imagine my will would recognize my AC equally.

I believe my DIL to be responsible for my estrangement from my ES. I do not want her to benefit from money l would have left to my ES. Some of it may then end up with her children who l don't even know.

My late husband made a Will and then changed it. He didn’t believe in rewarding bad behaviour, and his ACs got nothing.

I agree with him, and will do the same, if the situation arises.

Inheritances are a gift - not a right. 🙂

VioletSky

"There is no stress like being estranged except bereavement"

It's been said twice now

Others disagree

Mourning the childhood every child should be entitled too and walking away from the person you are programmed to love despite their toxic behaviour is also incredibly hard

It is not a competition, stress is stress, pain is pain

It would be a shame to go in circles again really

So with much regret I'm leaving him out

Hilltop

So with much regret I'm leaving him out

I don’t blame you. 🙂

Just use the money and have a fantastic time, it's yours... Do your bucket list... Be happy

Then stop going around in circles VS.

That was something we thought about too Hilltop, but the final decider for us was that it just wouldn't be appropriate for our ES to inherit from the parents he refuses to have contact with.

Inheritances are a gift - not a right I've always thought the same DL and don't understand why anyone would want or expect too inherit from someone they estranged.

Hilltop

I believe my DIL to be responsible for my estrangement from my ES. I do not want her to benefit from money l would have left to my ES. Some of it may then end up with her children who l don't even know.

Hilltop quite interesting, I don't remember anyone assuming an IL to be responsible to estrangement. Seems a strange thought, but everyone must do that which is OK for themselves.

Well done deciding!

As I said Smileless I am glad e could finally agree that stress and pain is personal and not measurable

We haven't finally agreed VS, we never disagreed and no one else has disagreed either.

You're the one who posted about comments being made by some that their pain is greater than someone else's, and despite me and I think 2 other posters saying this isn't the case you continue to refer to it.

Don't really know what to say to that except my thoughts are valid here and always will be

For goodness sake, who has said your thoughts aren't valid here VS?

Smileless

I think it is best this thread doesn't become another argument just because you don't like what I or others have to say

Thank you

Norah, Not a strange thought . When estrangement was happening, l suggested they came to my home to collect
something. There is something here l know he would very much liked to have had, too big to post. I said perhaps we could try and mend bridges at the sametime. 'Perhaps' he emailed me back. (All done by email, would not phone). ' Is my wife welcome? ' 'Of course', I emailed . It wasn't mentioned again. They didn't come. I'm sure he would have come if she had agreed.
Also, we very very occasionally exchange emails still, some Christmases or some birthdays. I'm sure she doesn't know.

Hilltop

Norah, Not a strange thought . When estrangement was happening, l suggested they came to my home to collect
something. There is something here l know he would very much liked to have had, too big to post. I said perhaps we could try and mend bridges at the sametime. 'Perhaps' he emailed me back. (All done by email, would not phone). ' Is my wife welcome? ' 'Of course', I emailed . It wasn't mentioned again. They didn't come. I'm sure he would have come if she had agreed.
Also, we very very occasionally exchange emails still, some Christmases or some birthdays. I'm sure she doesn't know.

Lovely you're still in contact. Well done you!

If I disagree with what someone says, I will say so VS as do you.

No it isn't a strange thought Hilltop. There have been numerous examples over the years where estrangement has been caused by a third party.

Smileless There is really no need

We agree that someone's worst stress is their worst stress and that it is not a competition

Nothing further need be said. The comments I was responding too are still in place and I reserve my right to address them with my own views from my own perspective

Nothing further need be said spot on VS.