Estranged daughter and my will

User138562

I can think of much worse stressors than estrangement. For example, prolonged abuse from a loved one is worse than estrangement.

This is the comment that I later commented on and I then quoted the comment made by another poster, quoted by yourself that brought about this reply

Perhaps that has caused you some confusion Smileless because you never needed to argue with me at all

It does make it rather difficult to engage at times

But I am glad you are happy to let it go now

Thank you

The only thing that confuses me VS is that you say you don't want to argue, but continue to try and pick an argument with me.

That's your perspective, not mine

I only answered you

VioletSky

User138562

I can think of much worse stressors than estrangement. For example, prolonged abuse from a loved one is worse than estrangement.

This is the comment that I later commented on and I then quoted the comment made by another poster, quoted by yourself that brought about this reply

Perhaps that has caused you some confusion Smileless because you never needed to argue with me at all

It does make it rather difficult to engage at times

But I am glad you are happy to let it go now

Thank you

I’m sure you’re aware that you are often being provocative VS, and pushing things in the direction of argument. It distracts from the subject under discussion.

In your comment above there’s not a single reference to the OP’s situation.

I don't agree I have done that, I'm just talking and defending more often than I should need to

Just like this response I defending myself

It's a shame really, I often feel unwelcome on this topic, thankfully not most others

Maybe try not to take things personally?

I will always address unnecessary personal comments

People need to understand that just isn't ok and they are talking to another real human being

Some people don't have a thick skin like me

No it isn't a strange thought Hilltop. There have been numerous examples over the years where estrangement has been caused by a third party.

I assumed no third party would be involved, ever.

Reason is -- I've been asked if our daughters husbands had estranged because of our lovely daughters - no, our sils were estranged early, University, before our daughters married. I've been asked if we considered meddling in estrangements. Not for a moment. None of our business.

Perhaps apostrophe lessons would help me--

Why would you assume that estrangement is never due to the influence of a third party Norah just because that wasn't the case with your s's.i.l.?

There have been numerous cases here on GN over the years where this has been the case.

I read that as wouldn't/didn't assume

Assume is when you believe something without knowing it as a certain fact right?

Norah posted I assumed no third party would ever be involved and then went on to explain why she's made that assumption VS.

No idea why you read it as wouldn't/didn't assume.

I'll wait for Norah to clarify

Norah

^No it isn't a strange thought Hilltop. There have been numerous examples over the years where estrangement has been caused by a third party.^

I assumed no third party would be involved, ever.

Reason is -- I've been asked if our daughters husbands had estranged because of our lovely daughters - no, our sils were estranged early, University, before our daughters married. I've been asked if we considered meddling in estrangements. Not for a moment. None of our business.

Yes, IL’s can sometimes cause a fracturing of families. I read MN sometimes, and there are many threads about problems with ILs - most commonly the relationship between DIL/MIL.

Sometimes the arguments can appear to be over trivia, sometimes not.

But, every family is unique - the problems can sometimes be with AC’s or EP’s. Or, stepchildren.

But, to pull this back to the original OP, it was about whether those estranged, or who had estranged, would leave anything in their Wills to those people.

And, obviously, opinions differed.🙂

It's not an easy decision to disinherit your own child, especially when you seem comments that doing so leaves your EAC a legacy of believing they're not loved and/or doing so is an act of revenge.

We do see posts from those who have estranged that they wouldn't want to be left anything in their parent(s) will which makes sense to me, and may help an EP come to their decision.

If people are out of my life, regardless of circumstances, I want nothing from them - no cards, no gifts, no money, no contact.

So, for me, it would follow the same in death. I don’t want to know about anything they may or may not have left.

It’s not about estrangement revenge - it’s about the estranger not being a hypocrite. To ignore someone in life, and then want money, after those they have estranged have died, seems a strange way to be.

If I’ve estranged someone, I don’t want anything more.

I’d sooner leave anything I leave to those that have loved and cared for me.🙂

Love always wakes up in the morning and tries again.

I'm not leaving anything to my eldest daughter who has mental health issues and addiction problems. My youngest daughter will inherit what would have been hers on the understanding that she helps her out when she needs it.

I had to make that decision regarding my estranged son. In the end I decided I didn't want to leave this earth with resentment following me into the afterlife if there is one. So he's still in my will

A friend’s family had the situation where the friend left her estate divided fairly (as she felt) between her children and her grandchildren. This was taken amiss by the child who had no children, who believed he was being treated unfairly. The grandchildren were legally adults when they inherited, which meant they were able to use the money sensibly towards their future.

There’s nothing you can do to prevent hard feelings if you leave a child out of your will, but I’ve always felt it’s best to be scrupulously fair between children where possible.

I’d be puzzled and hurt if one of my adult children stopped communicating with me as well. I’m not sure why this happens in some families, but it surely doesn’t take much effort to keep in touch!

I wonder if, in an estrangement situation where siblings are involved, one has estranged a parent, whilst the others maintain a good and supportive relationship with the parent, would the siblings be likely to resent the EAC being included in the will? Or possibly be hurt on the EAC’s behalf for being excluded?

Well, if you haven’t spoken to your parent/s for years, I’m not sure why you’d feel resentful if you were left nothing.

But, each set of circumstances is different, so I guess we all just make our own decisions, based on our own families.🙂

Love always wakes up in the morning and tries again and when the one you love no longer wants you in their life, there comes a point when you know that there's no point in trying any more.

You have to accept not matter how reluctantly that that relationship is over and TBH, it annoys me if there appears to be an assumption that EP's who disinherit the child whose estranged them do so because they no longer love them.

I don't understand why anyone in those circumstances would feel resentful either DL. Any siblings who inherit, do so because that was what their parents wanted. It's not their fault their sibling estranged and if they were to be resented, it says more about the EAC than the parents or their sibling(s).

DiamondLily, no, I’m asking whether the siblings might feel resentful on the EAC’s behalf if he/she was left out of the parent’s will or, on the other hand, if he/she was included, resulting in further family problems? Interested in this aspect of the question.

Badly worded, sorry.