Estranged daughter and my will

Delila

Yes, I agree with those who think of the relationships, particularly between siblings, that may be affected in future by your decisions regarding your will, one way or another.

Whatever you do can have repercussions. If one AC has been close to their parents, maybe cared for them etc. they may feel more than angry if the other AC, who did nothing and didn’t care, received the same amount, simply because of a “blood tie”.

It’s best we all do what we feel is best with our Wills.

Iam64

Estrangement from parents caused by one child is likely to have caused great distress amongst siblings. Often attempts to build bridges with the estranger will have been attempted and rejected. The siblings relationship may be permanently broken. The adult children who look after, support and love each other and their parents, may resent the awful pain caused by the estranger. This isn’t a prodigal son scenario, where an adult child was a wayward young person, recognises that, acknowledges the pain caused and hoped to be accepted back into the family.
Inheritance in these circumstances - what purpose does it serve

No, it doesn’t. Either be part of a family, or don’t.🤷‍♀️

DiamondLily, that could depend on the relationship between the siblings.

My son has been difficult all his adult life. We helped him financially and emotionally many times with little gratitude. He estranged himself from us, even making no contact when his dad was dying with cancer and never attended the funeral. After my husband died I made another will and left half to my daughter, who he also chose to estrange himself from and half between my grandchildren, one of which is his child. I have added a letter as advised by my solicitor, explaining my reason why. I feel no regret at doing this, just sad, a child I gave birth to can treat me and his family so cruelly.

Delila

*DiamondLily*, that could depend on the relationship between the siblings.

Well, yes, it would, but we can only make our wills to reflect our wishes. With care costs now, many wills won’t be worth much anyway.

We all can only do as we think best.

just a comment from an outsider to all this;
someone said it would be hypocritical for ACs who have estranged themselves from parents, to then accept an inheritance from parents.
maybe i don't understand, quite likely so.
but it strikes me that the type of people likely to cut off their parents without good reason, eg real abuse or continuing toxicity affecting children, are quite likely to be hypocrites.
the kind who never see or acknowledge their own faults or limitations, but are highly critical of others.
they also tend to be humourless people.
the ability to laugh at oneself and to practice that often is a healthy trait.
i am rambling. sorry.
am currently observing people who are so money obsessed and shewed little real regard or care for disabled parent, now doubling down on seeking money.
don't suppose any notion of hypocrisy will deter them.

welbeck

just a comment from an outsider to all this;
someone said it would be hypocritical for ACs who have estranged themselves from parents, to then accept an inheritance from parents.
maybe i don't understand, quite likely so.
but it strikes me that the type of people likely to cut off their parents without good reason, eg real abuse or continuing toxicity affecting children, are quite likely to be hypocrites.
the kind who never see or acknowledge their own faults or limitations, but are highly critical of others.
they also tend to be humourless people.
the ability to laugh at oneself and to practice that often is a healthy trait.
i am rambling. sorry.
am currently observing people who are so money obsessed and shewed little real regard or care for disabled parent, now doubling down on seeking money.
don't suppose any notion of hypocrisy will deter them.

Probably not, no. But, they can’t have it all ways. If they think they are right, then that’s fine, but they have to live with the results.

I genuinely will never understand why anyone would ever cut off a good parent..

Abusive people generally don't estrange their victims unless it's a silent treatment till they get what they want situation

Sometimes an abusive other cuts someone off from their family to enable hiding their abuse but I could never blame the victim of that

So what the justification could be for an individual estranging a good parent, I will never understand

Unfortunately I have never come across anyone who did that to ask what on earth they were thinking

Baring in mind. Not a single EAC on these threads have said they want anything from the will...

I personally do not. If it happens I will use it to benefit my children only. It would make me feel terrible to have it

VioletSky

I genuinely will never understand why anyone would ever cut off a good parent..

Abusive people generally don't estrange their victims unless it's a silent treatment till they get what they want situation

Sometimes an abusive other cuts someone off from their family to enable hiding their abuse but I could never blame the victim of that

So what the justification could be for an individual estranging a good parent, I will never understand

Unfortunately I have never come across anyone who did that to ask what on earth they were thinking

Really? I have.

Addictions, mental health, coercion etc can play a huge part in estrangement.

Diamonlily I mentioned coercion myself but as I said I could not blame the estranger for that. Same with mental health or addiction issues... I would just be hoping they were healed one day

So again, my point stands, I can't understand why anyone who is not dealing with the above would estrange a good parent... It's a strange phenomenon that is apparently happening and I've never met anyone I can ask about it to understand it

I have an estranged daughter for no reason at all, but my son visits once a month as he's busy self employed and we keep in touch by text, my daughter didn't bother turning up to my late mother's funeral way back 2007 and never spoke since so what I leave will be all for my son and I told him so, as if I'm ill in older life he will look after what's best for me so I would give it 3 year's if your oldest daughter don't get in touch leave it to younger daughter and help her with divorce and finance should she need it. Ain't seen my daughter for nearly 20 year's so nothing will be left to her at all.

or just selfishness.
people age, are less useful as the suppliers of goods and services, and crucially money.
mother, we need a bridging loan, we must have that house, if we don't pay now, right now, we'll lose it.
these are never people who are indigent, or homeless.
can't you take it from your pension.
there must be a way. mother, don't let us down. ...
piling on the pressure, and foolish fond doting mother contorts herself into penury almost, to help them.
when she can't, has no more, is confined to quarters, well they are busy, have places to go, things to do, restaurant tables booked, which they tell her, as they leave after a short b'day visit, empty-handed.

There are many reasons for estrangement - it’s all very sad.

The healthiest families are those that jog along, accepting each other’s quirks/faults -which we all have.

Oh of course there are lots of ways to be a good parent and all different types of families make good ones

But I didn't have a good parent, a parent who loved me.

I would still, heading to 50, give anything to have had a mother who loved me with my quirks and faults of my own... Who are these people willing to give that up?

VioletSky

Oh of course there are lots of ways to be a good parent and all different types of families make good ones

But I didn't have a good parent, a parent who loved me.

I would still, heading to 50, give anything to have had a mother who loved me with my quirks and faults of my own... Who are these people willing to give that up?

Yes, that’s your experience, and it’s sad that you didn’t get on with some of your family. You did, by estranging, what was best for you.

All good.

But this thread is about estranged parents, who have been estranged for many reasons, saying what they are doing about their Wills.

Hopefully, with your children, this situation will never arise.

It actually wasn't me who changed the direction of the conversation into what I replied to Diamondlily

Others are sharing their different situations and I would like to be able to do the same

Even those of us who were and remain good parents can't and will never fully understand why we've been estranged VS. Even if we are certain that they have been the victim of coercive control by their partner.

We know that it happens, there are examples on this thread alone where parents who have clearly loved and supported their children, as children and adults have been estranged.

It isn't a strange phenomenon that is apparently happening it is happening and you've been on GN long enough, to have read enough posts on this forum to know it's happening.

I don't personally know anyone who had abusive parents, but I don't question the fact that abusive parents exist, and if I hadn't been estranged, if I read an account from a good parent who had been, I wouldn't question that either.

You have misread me Smileless

There is no need for an issue

As I have shown it was about my own feelings of not knowing a loving mother and wishing I did, not about anyone else here or anywhere

Smileless2012

Even those of us who were and remain good parents can't and will never fully understand why we've been estranged VS. Even if we are certain that they have been the victim of coercive control by their partner.

We know that it happens, there are examples on this thread alone where parents who have clearly loved and supported their children, as children and adults have been estranged.

It isn't a strange phenomenon that is apparently happening it is happening and you've been on GN long enough, to have read enough posts on this forum to know it's happening.

I don't personally know anyone who had abusive parents, but I don't question the fact that abusive parents exist, and if I hadn't been estranged, if I read an account from a good parent who had been, I wouldn't question that either.

It’s about a balanced view. From years in a Child Protection dept, I know how evil some adults can be towards children.

Many times I came home and just sat and cried with what I’d heard and seen that day. Abuse so horrendous it was hard to compute.

I wouldn’t blame any of them for cutting off all contact with their parents.

On the other hand, I’ve known great parents who have been estranged for absolute trivia and who don’t understand the problem - refusal to childmind, hand over money, jealousy by in laws et etc.

They all exist.

But, estranged parents, whatever the reason, are entitled to set their Wills as they feel best.

OP came and got the advice she sought from many perspectives and has a lot to think about... Which is only a good thing

You may heal the rift in time and then what? Will you tell her you disinherited her? Try again to form some sort of relationship with her. Show her nothing but love.

My brother spent several years as a solicitor, representing children in abuse cases DL, he was on the Child Care Panel and eventually had to give it up because the terrible cases of abuse eventually got too much for him.

Wills can be changed Cambsnan if the situation changes.

I haven't misread you VS, I quoted you.

Misunderstood then Smileless

Divide your property as you see fit. In our wills my hubby and have different amounts for each child and grandchild.
My parents have done the same. My one brother will receive next to nothing as he hasn't spoke to my parents for 20+ years except when I let him know that our dad was in hospital and he made 1 phonecall to him.