Putting myself on the chopping block ...

VioletSky

That's exactly what I said Smileless that is what "towards each other" means isn't it.

Another fundamental problem with having the mindset that one person can justify the mistrust of another who comes here seeking help. People react rather than really listen as you just showed yourself.

The sheer determination to misunderstand here. The refusal to listen to any explanation that does not move in line with the readers own thinking or need in the situation.

This is a place of broken things, broken relationships, broken hearts. And if anyone takes the time to listen and understand that other people's needs, boundaries and relationships have nothing to do with anyone else's, they might find a way to fundamentally understand why their own relationship failed... Because that is what matters, not who is at fault or whose side they were on... Why they behaved as they did at any given moment is the answer

VioletSky
Nobody likes to be taken for a mug.
I really feel for estranged parents and grandparents as I have a lovely friend who this happened to through no fault at all of her own.I am lucky in that it hasn’t happened to me, and sometimes look at the estrangement thread in case I can offer my friend an insight or idea.
I think we give the benefit of the doubt to posters where it seems feasible but should never ignore our internal warning bells.

I understand that

I don't want to be seeing threads from gransnet highlighted elsewhere as examples of awfulness

I want a space that works for all of us

Calipso

I imagine the OP is highly amused by what she has achieved by poking a stick in this hornets nest. I haven't commented previously because I have my doubts about the veracity of the original scenario.
However, may I respectfully suggest that its time to draw a line under this and move on to something more interesting?

Yes, I agree with you. This thread has got increasingly bizarre, and did what it was set up to do.🙄

I don’t see the point, but it happens on forums.

Hopefully, the popcorn munchers have taken their “entertainment” elsewhere.🙂

Thank you AnnieGransnet.

I'm guessing I got reported a lot again but haven't actually said anything wrong...

There should never be "sides" just individual situations

I think that we can all agree that
People are coming to this forum and having a bad experience

I also think that is "on us" to be thoughtful and kind in our responses so this happensless often.

I was not privy to any original hostilities which led us here but I am aware that both grandparents and parents get things "wrong". Some find it harder to apologise (and some find it hard to accept the apology).

I think the mum on this thread has come back after earlier hostilities and had we been (as users or the forum) more careful and thoughtful in our responses we may not have got to this point.

I suppose this is a plea to all of us (and I include me in this) to be more mindful of the real people behind the username.

If this is what comes out of this thread then it has served a purpose.

Just my thoughts, for what they're worth.

AnnieGransnet

Hi everyone. We're dropping in to say that we welcome a wide range of views on Gransnet - as indeed do most Gransnetters.

The Estrangement board is intended as a space for support and understanding between people denied access to their families. This also includes adult children as well as grandparents - however, we do ask for understanding and compassion on both 'sides' as well as common courtesy even when you strongly disagree.

Thank you.

Thank you.

I’ve only ever received support, courtesy and understanding on GN, and it was sad to see this thread causing so many arguments.

Once it was clear what was going on, people became increasingly cross.

It had become more and more bizarre and unpleasant, the OP appears to have gone, so it’s probably best that the thread just dies off now.🙂

DiamondLily

AnnieGransnet

Hi everyone. We're dropping in to say that we welcome a wide range of views on Gransnet - as indeed do most Gransnetters.

The Estrangement board is intended as a space for support and understanding between people denied access to their families. This also includes adult children as well as grandparents - however, we do ask for understanding and compassion on both 'sides' as well as common courtesy even when you strongly disagree.

Thank you.

Thank you.

I’ve only ever received support, courtesy and understanding on GN, and it was sad to see this thread causing so many arguments.

Once it was clear what was going on, people became increasingly cross.

It had become more and more bizarre and unpleasant, the OP appears to have gone, so it’s probably best that the thread just dies off now.🙂

Indeed. The phrase which keeps coming to my mind is that some people seem to like arguing for the sake of arguing. Not just on GN, but generally in life.

Can I just say that I've had kind words on here too.

But, as I'm human, some comments (especially when repeated) do become very annoying and I need to remind myself sometimes that these ard people too - I'm currently thinking of another thread where I've been quietly chewing my knuckles off!

The support and understanding I've received on GN has been instrumental in helping me with our estrangement.

It's not always been the case but as with life, we have to take the rough with the smooth.

Hope your knuckles survive NotSpaghetti

NotSpaghetti

I think that we can all agree that
People are coming to this forum and having a bad experience

I also think that is "on us" to be thoughtful and kind in our responses so this happensless often.

I was not privy to any original hostilities which led us here but I am aware that both grandparents and parents get things "wrong". Some find it harder to apologise (and some find it hard to accept the apology).

I think the mum on this thread has come back after earlier hostilities and had we been (as users or the forum) more careful and thoughtful in our responses we may not have got to this point.

I suppose this is a plea to all of us (and I include me in this) to be more mindful of the real people behind the username.

If this is what comes out of this thread then it has served a purpose.

Just my thoughts, for what they're worth.

You put this beautifully

Thank you VioletSky and Smileless2012.

Hello Mamasperspective
I'm so saddened to read your story.

It sounds as if your MIL's behaviour is all about Control, and I wonder if her Grandchildren give her own life some validity?
I know some Grandmothers who seem to thrive on showing everyone photos of their grandchildren, relating every burp and dribble...it's behaviour which isloates estranged parents/deprived grandparents like me even more!
I avoid them. There's something up there, but hey, I'm no psychiatrist.
It always seems to me as if they're re-living motherhood through their Grandchildren. There's a lot of "I know best...I know how to deal with a baby...".
Deliberately ignoring your wishes is very disrepectful, and in your case, downright dangerous.

Suggest leave MIL to it. If anything, be nicer than ever to her. Invite her over, or meet up with her somewhere for coffee, where she can see the children and they can get to know her on neutral ground. Don't ever bad-mouth her to your family - after all, she's their father's Mum and he loves her, even if he doesn't like her behaviour.
Hope this helps

I would say that every GM is different.

Every parent is different.

Every family relationship is different. C'est la vie…🍾

As a gran of 5, I certainly didn’t want to relive my parenting years (Aargh!).🙄

I had my own life..🙂🙂

Not sure why this thread has been resurrected,🤔

Have you ever considered therapy? I ask genuinely because you seem to be all over the internet, here, mumsnet etc ruminating over and over about your MIL It’s giving off attention-seeking vibes. I have a strong feeling you are probably causing a lot of drama for the sake of having something to fuss over. Your behaviour doesn’t seem healthy.