Putting myself on the chopping block ...

There seems to be a mix up NotSaghetti I know Mamasperspective isn't a new poster and have said so. I thought you were referring to EllaMayo.

Smileless a fundamental truth is that no one gets to place their opinion or perspective above another's and state that only they speak fact...

This is a helpful thing to understand when it comes to cultivating positive relationships

Thank you VS but I have plenty of positive relationships so don't need lessons on how to cultivate them.

What I have previously posted as being factual isn't my opinion or perspective, it is fact.

Well, I will continue to share my own thoughts and perspectives and you can continue to disagree Smileless but arguing with me is your choice not mine

That’s what forums are. Everyone posts their own perspectives and opinions, and the OP reads and listens to what s/he wants to.

It’s not arguing, it’s opinions. Bit like politics. 🙂

That's what I am saying DL, we all have opinions but to claim your opinion/perspective to be a "fact" is a step too far

I have always been the only one in this situation willing to apologise and take responsibility for engaging in heated arguments and I've completely healed that part of myself. So given my experiences here (and some of them deeply hurt me at the time) I think that there aren't many of us who can stand in judgement over the OP

VioletSky you seem to be saying that nothing can be factual! My ex-dil claimed I had said things that I hadn't said. This a fact - not just my opinion

AEC Thread support threads

Gransnet at that time advised me to set up our own support only threads because every thread started by adult children descended into an argument. They could have been left alone very easily, they were not, it was chaos. But anyone is able to read them and see who took something from us that I desperately tried to keep supportive and a place that those estranged at older ages could use here

eddiecat78

VioletSky you seem to be saying that nothing can be factual! My ex-dil claimed I had said things that I hadn't said. This a fact - not just my opinion

I make no comment on your personal situation that is between you and your ex dil

If that's your truth that is your truth but we also do know that memories, especially at times of strong emotions, can be tricky which is why I am not typing "no I am speaking facts".

Perceptions vary

But if I am saying many things that were said at that time deeply hurt me, what reason do you have not to believe me?

VioletSky

That's what I am saying DL, we all have opinions but to claim your opinion/perspective to be a "fact" is a step too far

I have always been the only one in this situation willing to apologise and take responsibility for engaging in heated arguments and I've completely healed that part of myself. So given my experiences here (and some of them deeply hurt me at the time) I think that there aren't many of us who can stand in judgement over the OP

Well, obviously, some things are facts. If I said I’m a Londoner, which I am, that’s a fact. It can’t be argued.

But, if a poster posts with their problem, we all take what we do from the post, and advise, according to opinion.

I’m only talking genuine posts here, obviously.

This thread isn’t about you (or me). So, apologies, about past events, are irrelevant. .

It’s just about different people giving different views on the OP.

Everything the OP has said has been a response to this forum, she posted about us elsewhere after joining gransnet...

This is what concerns me

Is that really the reaction any of us would want another person to have?

I think the OPs story is genuine and don't have any reason to doubt it. It has been shared before, before her reaction to this forum

VioletSky

Everything the OP has said has been a response to this forum, she posted about us elsewhere after joining gransnet...

This is what concerns me

Is that really the reaction any of us would want another person to have?

I think the OPs story is genuine and don't have any reason to doubt it. It has been shared before, before her reaction to this forum

Well, as she posted about “getting them going”, etc as per I’mnotahypocrite, , I’m not sure what was posted when.

But, fine, if you think it’s genuine, then that’s your opinion.

If others think not, then that’s their opinion.

I don’t know her in real life.🤷‍♀️

Do you believe my story is genuine?

VioletSky

Do you believe my story is genuine?

As far as I recall, (and I could have it wrong), you felt your mother to be abusive, so you estranged her and some siblings?

So, as far as you’re concerned, that’s factual. I’ve taken it as true, but, as I say, I could have remembered it wrong.

But, I honestly don’t go on other estrangement forums, so if you’ve been batting back and forth saying that “it brings you joy to get posters here going”, I haven’t seen it.

But, this thread isn’t about you or me anyway.

Interesting wording there

Sorry, I can’t keep arguing about all this. This thread isn’t about you or me.

If you want to see something in my wording, then go for it.

This thread has now got nonsensical, so I’m out.🙂

Enjoy your Friday evening

You posted earlier on this thread VS that no one can argue in a void; true. So if I'm arguing with you, it's because you reciprocate and argue with me.

Let's take a look at the last wording of the link provided by IHateHypocrites which is no longer accessible because it's been deleted or moved.

"overbearing-mils/topic gransnet-may-need-back-up-". If that isn't a 'call to arms' then what is it? If that isn't an invitation to posters on another site to come to GN and back up the OP, can someone explain to me what it is?

The screen shots provided by IHateHypocrites are still available on here, we can all read them and come to our own conclusions. Mine is that this thread was a deliberate attempt to elicit controversy and bad feeling from the EP's, EGP's and in particular m's.i.l. on GN.

I apologise if I am wrong VS but you appear to be suggesting that any problems on threads offering support for those who have estranged, was down to those who are not. That is simply not the case.

I contributed to those threads, giving support and expressing my sympathy to some who contributed. I would have on occasion given the perspective of an EP if I thought it was appropriate to do so, but I was never rude or dismissive of their experiences.

I would never have said for example "we don't owe your precious feelings anything" which has been posted here, to those of us who have been estranged.

Some who had not estranged family members were not made welcome by some who had but where that was not the case, there were some meaningful and touching exchanges.

I haven't seen anyone say that they don't believe you've been hurt VS: I certainly haven't said so because it stands to reason that anyone with personal experience of estrangement has been hurt, but that's no excuse or reason to attempt to do what the OP has done, and bait others.

None of that was ever my fault Smileless you have often blamed me for the actions of others unfairly

Also, I haven't defended the actions of the OP, would you please stop arguing as if I have?

I have simply stated that what she said is true about the hard time EAC get here and that she has clearly reacted to that. If none of those things were happening then I doubt her posts about gransnet elsewhere would exist at all

And you can of course say that estranged parents have a hard time here at times... But I am not responsible for that either

So again... People are coming to this forum and having a bad experience so seeing as you and I are long term posters what can we do to ensure that doesn't happen?

That is untrue VS, I have never blamed you for the actions of others and I'm not denying that EAC can get a hard time here but when it happens, it's not because they have estranged, it's because of what they post.

Those who have been estranged also get a hard time here and I gave an example of that in my previous post.

Well to me you come across as if you are defending her or at the very least making excuses. You're not criticising the OP as far as I can see.

We can only treat others as we like to be treated VS and if we see others being treated unfairly be prepared to speak out. However in doing so, we must be mindful of the report button.

That said, I question why someone who claims to have had a bad experience here on GN would come back, with the intention of baiting others to repeat that experience.

You always think it is me reporting when it isn't but why would I report it? Then it is gone from the discussion and people can't see the truth

And it was partially you who gave me my bad experience and you have never once acknowledged that. Any time I ever tried to explain a misunderstanding to you, you never once accepted it. You have never apologised for using a second account ridicule me...

OP has at least apologised

That's something that can be forgiven , most things can be in time when people truly mean an apology and try to change

I wasn't referring to you when I said we have to mindful of the report button VS. Why do you assume that everything is about you?

I am not responsible for your bad experience VS and am I'm fed up with your allegations. I did not use a second account to ridicule you. I have already explained my reasons for so doing so on this thread, reasons that were investigated and understood by GNHQ, which was why my ban was lifted and my account reinstated.

That's something that can be forgiven most things can be in time when people truly mean an apology and try to change my thoughts exactly.

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Enough VS.

I imagine the OP is highly amused by what she has achieved by poking a stick in this hornets nest. I haven't commented previously because I have my doubts about the veracity of the original scenario.
However, may I respectfully suggest that its time to draw a line under this and move on to something more interesting?