Putting myself on the chopping block ...

They certainly can be MissA and as the OP and her partner no longer see her m.i.l./his mother or their children their GM, hopefully she can put it behind her and move on.

Mama

Your mil is a walking red flag from the very beginning.

"From LO being born she would take my baby from me and keep hold of her for hours and refuse to hand her back - for a new mum with post birth hormones all over the place this causes so much stress and anxiety."
Post birth hormones have NOTHING to do with this.

Imagine you buy the car of your dreams, after months of waiting to be delivered and saving and somebody "borrows" the keys for hours to test drive it.

That said person is rude! No hormones involved at all and that person needs to be put in her/his place

Hithere

Mama

Your mil is a walking red flag from the very beginning.

"From LO being born she would take my baby from me and keep hold of her for hours and refuse to hand her back - for a new mum with post birth hormones all over the place this causes so much stress and anxiety."
Post birth hormones have NOTHING to do with this.

Imagine you buy the car of your dreams, after months of waiting to be delivered and saving and somebody "borrows" the keys for hours to test drive it.

That said person is rude! No hormones involved at all and that person needs to be put in her/his place

I agree with you. No one would normally just sit there whilst someone else ran off with their car keys.

Any more than most people would sit there whilst someone refused to hand baby back, and fed them a product that would harm them.🤷‍♀️

Odd all round.🤔

I think anyone taking a baby away from her mother, keeping hold of her for hours and refusing to give her back is more than a walking red flag Hithere .

For a start the baby would have needed feeding and changing at the very least over a few hours.

DiamondLily

Well, I wouldn’t have just sat there. But, then I’m a gobby person who would have slung anyone out who tried to harm my kids.🙄

You've said this 3 or 4 times now

I think OP has done a wonderful job in protecting her child and doesn't need to be held to account here when it is not her behaviour at fault

Please think about how your comments may come across

Umm.
I do not understand why the OP feels the need to resume any sort of relationship with her mother in law after her dangerous behaviour.
If it is true.

VioletSky

DiamondLily

Well, I wouldn’t have just sat there. But, then I’m a gobby person who would have slung anyone out who tried to harm my kids.🙄

You've said this 3 or 4 times now

I think OP has done a wonderful job in protecting her child and doesn't need to be held to account here when it is not her behaviour at fault

Please think about how your comments may come across

I wasn’t holding anyone to account, and I’ve not said it multiple times.

Obviously, everyone should protect their children, from anyone who is causing harm, and I’m sure you would agree with that.🙂

It’s common sense. 🤷‍♀️

My daughter-in-law has a mother who repeatedly "helped" her with her 1st baby. She later told me she felt useless as a new mum and unable to stop it. But, she grew in strength and her mum was warned off baby 2.
We don't all get everything "right" first time.

Yes Miss A 😫

I mean, families are complicated ….

I don't think the OP does want to resume a relationship with her eazybee, her partner no longer sees his mum so she doesn't see her GC and she said in her OP that she's "completely done with her".

Time to move on.

I'm assuming OP did not see MIL marching through the home and immediately assume she was going to harm their child. And the incident caused the end of MIL's access. So there is nothing to criticize there.

Well, if there is no contact now, the situation is now sorted out.👍

So there is nothing to criticise there or talk about really as the m.i.l. has been estranged, she doesn't see her son or GC and the OP's done with her.

Exactly DL.

User138562

I'm assuming OP did not see MIL marching through the home and immediately assume she was going to harm their child. And the incident caused the end of MIL's access. So there is nothing to criticize there.

Agreed...

Estranging a family member is incredibly difficult, especially when it is your partner's mother. Sometimes we give these people far too many chances but we do that because we are good people and we hope they can be better.

They only have themselves to blame when we walk away

This you?

community.whattoexpect.com/forums/overbearing-mils/topic/gransnet-may-need-back-up-161733806.html

Poor old chopping block must be very disappointed.

@DiamondLily she didn't pass me with the chocolate, she walked past myself and partner, parked herself down on the seat next to where my child was playing and got them out of her handbag then was immediately told LO couldn't have chocolate. Later that evening, partner and I had a serious talk (as she had been told plenty of times previously about LO's issues) and actively chose to ignore me. He went to her house and spoke to her the next day and she stonewalled me since, still wanting access to partner and LO. The access caused a number of arguments between partner and I because he's grown up with this woman so, I believe, has been conditioned to not stand up to her.

Ultimately I just think MIL doesn't respect me as a mother but I spend pretty much 24/7 with my kids so nobody knows them like I do. That's fine, she doesn't need to respect me but, that being the case she will not have my children in her life. The trust has been completely broken.

I guess I expected to come on here and be accused of being the evil DIL keeping the kids away from their grandparents (again for context, no issues with FIL, he's a lovely man and always welcome any time but I don't think he would come and risk the wrath of MIL) but it's reassuring and restores my faith in the power of healthy communication when you are all empathetic when it comes to understanding my experience.

I'm actually genuinely shocked as I was expecting a lot of confrontation but wanted to get a DIL's perspective across.

lol. I love the shade. OP is so full of and so full of herself.

100% entitled to your opinion and POV @IHateHypocrites

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

IHateHypocrites

So OP expected a different response, and actually if you read some of the old threads here you might understand why... but as a long term poster, I think overall things have improved

She was honest about her expectations elsewhere... Ok. We can handle that, we all have our big girl pants on

However, you seem to have had a go at her there and then created an account to have a go at her here... I don't really understand how that in any way gives you any moral high ground...

Especially when you consider that OP has been through something that hurt and we can all be a little patient while she works through that... That's where you will find that moral high ground

OP started the thread expecting an argument and called for back up - and here you all are!

Even when people said that since they're estranged, there is nothing more to be said, but, surprisingly the back up crew wanted to keep arguing about it.