DIL ignores sister

Sometimes, standing off can work. I used to say to DH that if he stood back and let his ACs froth about on their own, things might change.

But, he couldn’t, he was always trying to help them and make concessions. It didn’t work.🙄

It didn’t help them, ultimately, because I was never going to be held hostage to their tantrums. And, after he died, they realised that.

But, all sorted - they are out of my life, thankfully.👍

DIL got mad when sister posted a photo of the baby on FB so sister recently texted asking if she could post one of son with him for my nephew's birthday. DIL never answered.
I'm not surprised she didn't answer!
No Facebook means No Facebook! What part of that didn't your sister understand?

Doesn't like her house so won't go there.
Is it dirty? I now it's not easy to do housework when you're struggling. Or does it smell of smoke?

If I was there, I would rip my nephew a new one.
I have no idea what that means (castigate?) but I suspect that you may be a lot younger than most Gransnetters if that is your usual vernacular. 🤔

Ripping a new one is in the modern vernacular:

en.wiktionary.org/wiki/rip_someone_a_new_one

Even if standing off doesn't work DL it can at least give you some breathing space and rest bite.

Thanks for the link; I had no idea that's what it meant

Smileless2012

Even if standing off doesn't work DL it can at least give you some breathing space and rest bite.

Thanks for the link; I had no idea that's what it meant

Yeah, breathing space and respite works. I’ve got young adult GCs, so I learn a lot of new expressions lol 🙄

Your sister had no right to post a picture of the baby online without permission. Quite frankly it isn't something I would do even with permission. Are people so oblivious to the dangers of this practice?

I suspect your sister's standards are not what they were, judging by the constant reference to germs.

Either way, you are best keeping out of this. You cannot resolve it and you may even make matters worse. By the way, the nephew is equally culpable in your sister's distress.

I really think it is best to stay out of it too... It could lead to a whole family breakdown which would be devastating

So did you know what it mean before you googled it DL; I'm shocked .

Smileless2012

So did you know what it mean before you googled it DL; I'm shocked .

really horrible...

i knew what it meant, simply because it is often threatened, in full, on MN.

it is of course a very violent image, even if people do not really mean it literally.
cf how parents used to often say they would kill their children.
we don't hear that so much nowadays.

Smileless2012

So did you know what it mean before you googled it DL; I'm shocked .

Yes, I did. It’s actually also used quite a lot on MN. 😗

I had never heard it before. I too am shocked. What a horrible expression. If the OP’s sister also speaks like that I wouldn’t want a child anywhere near them.

Germanshepherdsmum

‘I suspect’ does not mean ‘I know’.

You had zero grounds for your suspicion. If you don't know, admit it, don't make spurious judgements with no evidence.

Others made the same suggestion. Perhaps pick on them too?

Germanshepherdsmum

I had never heard it before. I too am shocked. What a horrible expression. If the OP’s sister also speaks like that I wouldn’t want a child anywhere near them.

It is, and not an expression I would use. It seems to be popular amongst the younger women on MN.

I’ve also seen it a lot on American social media, so I guess it originated there.😗

Dreadful. I hope never to hear it said.

Well, there seems to be a lot of (what I consider) to be awful words and expressions, flying around all over the place nowadays.😑

I’m not pearl clutcher, by any means, but I don’t think using extreme words and expressions shows anyone in a good light.

DiamondLily

Ripping a new one is in the modern vernacular:

en.wiktionary.org/wiki/rip_someone_a_new_one

Oh, charming turn of phrase, isn't it?

Your long OP is a familiar kind of post here, where a daughter or mother in law is presented as the problem.
You ask for advice, then conclude is you were there yiu;’do rip your nephew a new one. That’s it so far as I’m concerned. Family conflict is never resolved by violence. You probably didn’t mean this literally but it’s a clear indicator that your involvement is unlikely to help anyone,

Iam64

Your long OP is a familiar kind of post here, where a daughter or mother in law is presented as the problem.
You ask for advice, then conclude is you were there yiu;’do rip your nephew a new one. That’s it so far as I’m concerned. Family conflict is never resolved by violence. You probably didn’t mean this literally but it’s a clear indicator that your involvement is unlikely to help anyone,

It's a variation on a theme and the OP is obviously very young as I doubt anyone of more mature years would use terms like that.

I am not involved. I feel bad for my sister. She's very sad. There's nothing wrong with me asking advice.

Again, I'm not getting in the middle. Just feel bad for her. And yes, it's totally in my nephew.

After the baby was born (sister's first and maybe only grandchild) they would drive over to my sister's and make her come to the car to see him, claiming germs. But they visited her ex. -- Nephew has his own relationship with sister's ex

She hasn't been allowed over to the house to see him, again claiming germs. But other grandmother is there a lot. It's to the point where her other sons (and her sisters) stopped being excited about the baby because of DIL's attitude. My nephew makes some effort to see his mother but doesn't try to fix the situation. -- He does visit sister, seems quite nice, his wife doesn't care for sister it seems

DIL got mad when sister posted a photo of the baby on FB so sister recently texted asking if she could post one of son with him for my nephew's birthday. DIL never answered. -- Sister should never have posted the picture, a wrong thing to do

Sister recently told her son she's not inviting them to anything any more they always turn her down. -- Well done sister

Is there ANYTHING she can do??! -- Patiently Wait

Very unkind response by some to the poster. Is she not supposed to care about the sister she loves and being treated so badly. Of course she can’t say anything or interfere she is just worried, The dil is being cruel and the son accepting of that, he wants to grow a pair.
My advice for what it’s worth is let them get on with it as whatever she does or says will be misinterpreted and used against her by jealous dil, for thats what it is. If it were my son if he ever he visits alone, I would tell him quietly how hurt and abandoned I felt not being part of their lives and missing her only grandchild. I had always loved dil. Then leave it at that. She then concentrates on what she can do to live a happy life the best she can as you can’t change anything, it’s out if her hands, no doubt she’s already spoken with dil about it and got nowhere. I know lots will say do nothing just wait.
There are mil from and dil from hell, it’s a misfortune if you get either because they wreck families.
Poster you are doing what you can, by caring and including her no doubt that gets her through. Caring and kindness is never wasted,