DIL ignores sister

There should be enough love to go around you'd think so wouldn't you DL.

In the brief 8 months when we did see our GC, we baby sat once when we were asked and never made any demands. Friends were welcomed by our ES's wife but family not so much, even when invited!!!

If you were lucky, I suppose we were unlucky. We thought our family would continue to be as you describe yours but it wasn't meant to be .

there are toxic manipulative people - but it’s not confined to grans/grandads

No it’s not.
We’ve just had the latest instalment in our little ongoing saga this very morning. The manipulative ex of my daughter now totally refuses her permission to bring her children home for Christmas after stalling, offering unreasonable conditions, and now a backtrack to no, not at all. Daughter is beside herself, the children will be distraught when they’re told. This is coercion at its best. And he’s not a grandad, he’s young. There are a lot more details, you will understand, I can’t write it all. I’m feeling very low as a result of this morning’s news. That’s it, it’s a roller coaster of emotions.

maddyone

^there are toxic manipulative people - but it’s not confined to grans/grandads^

No it’s not.
We’ve just had the latest instalment in our little ongoing saga this very morning. The manipulative ex of my daughter now totally refuses her permission to bring her children home for Christmas after stalling, offering unreasonable conditions, and now a backtrack to no, not at all. Daughter is beside herself, the children will be distraught when they’re told. This is coercion at its best. And he’s not a grandad, he’s young. There are a lot more details, you will understand, I can’t write it all. I’m feeling very low as a result of this morning’s news. That’s it, it’s a roller coaster of emotions.

I’m sorry about that. I’ve had to do a 2 year court case involving manipulation, mental health etc, and it’s draining.

Anyone that thinks all this is confined to older people are deluded.

Is there nothing your daughter can do?

If not, sympathies.💐

Smileless2012

^There should be enough love to go around^ you'd think so wouldn't you DL.

In the brief 8 months when we did see our GC, we baby sat once when we were asked and never made any demands. Friends were welcomed by our ES's wife but family not so much, even when invited!!!

If you were lucky, I suppose we were unlucky. We thought our family would continue to be as you describe yours but it wasn't meant to be .

I know. In the end, it’s down to luck and who our birth family choose to get involved with. It’s nothing to do with what I’ve done well - it’s just been sheer chance that my two picked nice partners.

I know from my adult step kids etc how awful people can be.

Some younger people are so toxic, and unforgiving of trivia, I wonder where on earth they are getting the “information and advice” from.🤷‍♀️

I wonder where on earth they are getting the "information and advice" from too DL and maybe in the future when their children are adults, they'll have cause for concern too.

Thank you DL. That’s much appreciated.
The only thing is to go back to court. It’s so draining, as you say. And emotional for us all. I’ve just spoken to my daughter again tonight. She had to tell the children finally, and they cried. She was crying herself as she spoke to me. It’s very stressful, but you know that. So does Smileless. Thank you again. We soldier on.

Draining and expensive maddy. Looking ahead, can he not see that he's potentially doing long term damage to his relationship with his children?

Not only is he controlling and emotionally abusing your D, he's controlling and emotionally abusing his children.

maddyone

Thank you DL. That’s much appreciated.
The only thing is to go back to court. It’s so draining, as you say. And emotional for us all. I’ve just spoken to my daughter again tonight. She had to tell the children finally, and they cried. She was crying herself as she spoke to me. It’s very stressful, but you know that. So does Smileless. Thank you again. We soldier on.

I don’t know whether she’s still with him or not. If she is, it’s an abusive, coercive relationship, and she can get help from the Women’s Aid agencies etc.

If they are separated, then she can get advice from a solicitor, and may be entitled to legal aid.

But, no, it is murderous and draining when our young relatives get into these sorts of relationships.

Best wishes. 💐

Thank you Smileless and DL.
She’s not still with him, she left over over a year ago, but they’re in New Zealand. He was trying to separate her from her family and friends when they lived here, and I suspected as much, but he finally managed to persuade her to go to NZ with him for one to two years, but they’re still there after over three years because he refuses to return and refuses to allow her to bring the children home, now even for a holiday. The possibility of permanent return will have to go to court, but at the moment she’s just trying to get permission to bring them home for a Christmas holiday. She’s not a flight risk, she knows she would have to return. It’s very complicated and there’s a lot more details, but I can’t write it all on here.
Thank you both for your concern. You’ve no idea how much the support is welcomed by me.

Maddyone, I’m very sad for you all its a horrible situation. Hopefully the court will agree to your d and children coming home, maybe not Christmas, but another visit, I was coercively controlled and when you're in that situation you really think everything that happens to you is because you deserve it.
On Emmerdale there is a story running on a sensitive young girl, recently married who has been controlled and abused by her new husband.
Your d luckily has taken the steps to be free of him. However, unfortunately she has no alternative but to do it by the courts in NZ. There are lawyers here that could fight her case to enable her return to UK but I daresay it would cost too much money. He has control now but it won’t be forever. Everything will be ok it just might take a little longer. 💐

maddyone

Thank you Smileless and DL.
She’s not still with him, she left over over a year ago, but they’re in New Zealand. He was trying to separate her from her family and friends when they lived here, and I suspected as much, but he finally managed to persuade her to go to NZ with him for one to two years, but they’re still there after over three years because he refuses to return and refuses to allow her to bring the children home, now even for a holiday. The possibility of permanent return will have to go to court, but at the moment she’s just trying to get permission to bring them home for a Christmas holiday. She’s not a flight risk, she knows she would have to return. It’s very complicated and there’s a lot more details, but I can’t write it all on here.
Thank you both for your concern. You’ve no idea how much the support is welcomed by me.

Ah, yes, I know it’s a lot more complicated for children resident abroad. I hope she manages to solve something, in time.💐