Red flags

OnwardandUpward

DiamondLily

OnwardandUpward

Indigo8

pascal30

If they talk unpleasantly about other people..

I once worked with a group of people whose conversation entirely revolved around running down whoever happened
not be present that day and if everyone was there to moan about our boss.

I found it very difficult not to get sucked into these conversations and often felt awful afterwards. I am also 100% sure that when I was not there I was talked about in this way.

I once volunteered on a Parish Council where that happened. They were exceedingly negative and unproductive, so it seemed like a waste of my time.

Great minds discuss ideas.
Average minds discuss events
Small minds discuss people.

Oh, God yes….why do people want to sit discussing/disparaging others the whole time?

All negative navel gazing…🙄

I think in this instance it was because of ignorance. The person who they were ripping apart had thoughtfully prepared a document full of detail to help them get lottery funding for the building.

Because they didn't understand the item, I think that's why they laid into the person behind their backs. It was horrible and I lost respect that day for most of those people because I have worked in the same area as the person who prepared the document and I knew it was correct. I tried to speak in defence but there was an uproar, no the ignorant ones were determined to trash this (highly intelligent) person.

Oh goodness, that’s sad. A shame when people are treated badly. ☹️

tictacnana

It’s a well established fact amongst profilers and the like that those who are cruel to animals can be flagged up as a potential risk.

Yes, but, luckily, I’ve had a virtual (and thriving) menagerie over the years, so I can’t be flagged as a potential serial killer. 👍

Judy54

When someone is rude and then says it was a joke where is your sense of humour.

I hate this too. It is an insult to your intelligence as is the line "I'm sorry, I think you must have misunderstood, I wasn't criticising you" when plainly they are. I also mistrust people who begin sentences with "Don't take this the wrong way but....".

DiamondLily

OnwardandUpward

DiamondLily

OnwardandUpward

Indigo8

pascal30

If they talk unpleasantly about other people..

I once worked with a group of people whose conversation entirely revolved around running down whoever happened
not be present that day and if everyone was there to moan about our boss.

I found it very difficult not to get sucked into these conversations and often felt awful afterwards. I am also 100% sure that when I was not there I was talked about in this way.

I once volunteered on a Parish Council where that happened. They were exceedingly negative and unproductive, so it seemed like a waste of my time.

Great minds discuss ideas.
Average minds discuss events
Small minds discuss people.

Oh, God yes….why do people want to sit discussing/disparaging others the whole time?

All negative navel gazing…🙄

I think in this instance it was because of ignorance. The person who they were ripping apart had thoughtfully prepared a document full of detail to help them get lottery funding for the building.

Because they didn't understand the item, I think that's why they laid into the person behind their backs. It was horrible and I lost respect that day for most of those people because I have worked in the same area as the person who prepared the document and I knew it was correct. I tried to speak in defence but there was an uproar, no the ignorant ones were determined to trash this (highly intelligent) person.

Oh goodness, that’s sad. A shame when people are treated badly. ☹️

It is, awful. People were shouting each other down. So many egos! It was very unpleasant.

I left that (voluntary) position and have not set foot inside there again. Those people can backbite each other and vie for position if they want to, but I choose to save my energy for nice people who want a respectful two way conversation and know how to take turns speaking and listening! 🤦😆

OnwardandUpward

I lived in a village, for a while, which had a parish council…I steered well clear because of how unpleasant it was.

Silly really.🙄

DiamondLily

OnwardandUpward

I lived in a village, for a while, which had a parish council…I steered well clear because of how unpleasant it was.

Silly really.🙄

Oh dear, I'm sorry to hear that but I totally understand. Very silly, but I'm not shocked because some of the most unpleasant and unkind people I've met have been church wardens. I think they have missed the point of church.

If I was going to attend a church I'd be watching the character of its leaders to see whether I could respect them and whether they are kind or respectful to their congregation and visitors or whether it's a power trip and "bums on seats".

The merest hint of sexism or racism is a red flag for me.

OnwardandUpward

DiamondLily

OnwardandUpward

I lived in a village, for a while, which had a parish council…I steered well clear because of how unpleasant it was.

Silly really.🙄

Oh dear, I'm sorry to hear that but I totally understand. Very silly, but I'm not shocked because some of the most unpleasant and unkind people I've met have been church wardens. I think they have missed the point of church.

If I was going to attend a church I'd be watching the character of its leaders to see whether I could respect them and whether they are kind or respectful to their congregation and visitors or whether it's a power trip and "bums on seats".

Priests as well! I was at a funeral a couple of weeks ago. There was a silent cheer (there is such a thing) when it was announced that the unpopular vicar couldn’t take the service. The Rural Dean did it instead.

Ladyleftfieldlover

OnwardandUpward

DiamondLily

OnwardandUpward

I lived in a village, for a while, which had a parish council…I steered well clear because of how unpleasant it was.

Silly really.🙄

Oh dear, I'm sorry to hear that but I totally understand. Very silly, but I'm not shocked because some of the most unpleasant and unkind people I've met have been church wardens. I think they have missed the point of church.

If I was going to attend a church I'd be watching the character of its leaders to see whether I could respect them and whether they are kind or respectful to their congregation and visitors or whether it's a power trip and "bums on seats".

Priests as well! I was at a funeral a couple of weeks ago. There was a silent cheer (there is such a thing) when it was announced that the unpopular vicar couldn’t take the service. The Rural Dean did it instead.

Wow, well I suppose like in any work place there are bad workers, it's just that priests seem to have more protection than most.

In the same way older people's eye sight gets tested to make sure they are fit to be on the road, Vicars ought to be interviewed at least yearly to make sure they are keeping the faith and fit for purpose.

A red flag for me is when someone asks about your holiday , new kitchen , kids, you start to rely and they interrupt and tell you about their , holiday , new kitchen , kids. A work colleague used to do this .
Another one is people bitching about those who are supposed to be their friends, behind their backs. You can bet that they will bitch about you , when you’re not there .

If everyone with any of the faults mentioned above is "unsafe", I think we'd better all retreat to our hermit's cells & lock ourselves in. Is being excessively judgemental an unsafe trait?

valdavi I agree that "unsafe" may be a bit strong, depending on how you define the word. I also think that most of us have been guilty wittingly or unwittingly of at least some of the unpleasant behaviours we have condemned.

My definition of unsafe is when someone is excessively and unremittingly insensitive, unpleasant and demanding to such an extent that they become unable to have normal working relationships or friendships. Perhaps it is difficult not to be judgemental when faced with this behaviour on a regular, long term basis.

This not to say that most of us behave impeccably. I cringe with embarrassment when I think of some of things I have said and done and I am sure I am not alone in this.

People are adding to it, it's not one trait that makes a person unsafe to be around... Just red flags to consider when evaluating that for yourself

If that makes sense

I agree with your second paragraph Indigo.

Someone maybe unpleasant to be around but that doesn't mean they're unsafe.

Indigo8

valdavi I agree that "unsafe" may be a bit strong, depending on how you define the word. I also think that most of us have been guilty wittingly or unwittingly of at least some of the unpleasant behaviours we have condemned.

My definition of unsafe is when someone is excessively and unremittingly insensitive, unpleasant and demanding to such an extent that they become unable to have normal working relationships or friendships. Perhaps it is difficult not to be judgemental when faced with this behaviour on a regular, long term basis.

This not to say that most of us behave impeccably. I cringe with embarrassment when I think of some of things I have said and done and I am sure I am not alone in this.

You're right and I'm sure I'm on the list somewhere as well.

I think unsafe means different things to different people. We are not all as resilient as others, so what may decimate one person may not ruffle another.

For me a huge red flag is when it's always someone else's fault.
I've known a number of people over the year's who've displayed a total lack of responsibility for anything, always blaming somebody or something else. It's a trait that I really don't like at all.

...or those who ask my opinion, refuse to listen to any of my reasons for it and then proceed to tell me where I am wrong

No, there’s a lot of things that make people unpleasant to be around, but, I agree, it doesn’t make them unsafe. It’s just better to steer clear, and let them get on with it.

Truly unsafe, to me, would be anyway who was physically or sexually unsafe to be around - someone who is a real threat to me or those I love.

Luckily, I’ve not been involved, in my personal life, with people like that particularly.🙂

Sorry, but this has become ridiculous, all these posts containing as many as 6 other people's views which would have been already read. Would anyone really click them all on and read them if they had the time even.
If you come across unpleasant behaviour of anyone, you don't have to endure it.

Talking about themselves incessantly , snapping at you , lying , being manipulative , not taking no for an answer....
This describes the "friend " who wants me to move down to the West Country with her .
I'm not exactly enthralled with the idea !

People who try to control you:
“I’ve bought us tickets for this show….”
“Why don’t you get a pixie cut?”
“We should go to Barcelona for the weekend…”

In my experience people who are unsafe often wave a bible and emphasize how "christian" they are while they have a secret life as abusers.
So a red flag would be someone banging on about their faith because actions speak louder than words. If they were living it, you would see it reflected in their (happy) wife and kids and their own (full and balanced) life. Some people just use the wife as a cover for their other activities. They are a scourge on society and their lies are a trap for anyone who knows them.

Someone who states their opinions- particularly political - as facts without thinking that there might be an opposing view.

Any comment or action that makes you or others feel uncomfortable.

I know what you mean about religious people, sometimes. I consider myself a liberal Christian. So anyone who is anti women, gay marriage etc., would find it difficult to get on with me. I had to stop being friends with an old friend when he accused me of being an unfit mother. He didn’t think my daughter should study Theology at University if she had to learn about faiths other than Christianity!