Red flags

Allsorts

When someone gives advice when not asked for it. The way they talk about friends and treat them.

It's funny when you hear someone complaining about their friend and you realise they're just the same. I think if someone is nice to someone's face and then go to other people to say horrible things behind their back it's triangulation.

Triangulation can lead a person with a personality disorder to seek ways to undermine or manipulate someone they view as a potential threat. It's very damaging and definitely a red flag.

Smileless2012

Which part don't you understand VS?

The whole comment

I don't know a better way of expressing it TBH VS.

I could be wrong, (wouldn’t be the first time), but I took it to mean that if someone estranges you, whoever and for whatever reason, and once you realise you can’t change the situation, whatever you do or say, then, eventually, you feel happier, calmer and less on edge/stressed, with them out of your life.

You find your happiness with other things/people.🙂

A person criticising someone else when they are actually obnoxious themselves.

Yes that's right DL and the one who estranges you may well be the one who isn't safe to be around.

Smileless2012

Yes that's right DL and the one who estranges you may well be the one who isn't safe to be around.

Well, people that cause stress, anxiety and feeling edgy and anxious are never good for your well-being.

The stress caused is harmful.🤷‍♀️

When you care deeply for your ac even though they behave appallingly and you walk on egg shells, you don't estrange as you hope to talk about your differences and will hopefully get things sorted, so if they estrange you with no discussion you may come to realise the stress they have caused and life is better without them.

It isn't something you ever envisage is it Allsorts but yes, you can come to the realisation that as much as you love and miss them, your life is better without the stress and pain they cause.

A neighbour of mine had a close relationship with her daughter, and looked after her only GD, a lot with childcare.

Neighbour’s mother died, so neighbour decided to give her daughter some money from what she had been left.

Daughter came down, took the money, and then neighbour couldn’t get hold of her.

It now transpires daughter has moved, with GD, to the other end of the country, without saying a word.

Neighbour has recently received a text, from daughter, saying neighbour will never see her or GD again. And then blocked.

A lousy way to treat a mother, and, eventually, I hope neighbour realises she’s better off with her daughter out of her life.☹️

DiamondLily you only have one side of the story. Perhaps it is not as black and white as you think.

In my experience, there are always at least, two sides to any situation and although there maybe truth in what your neighbour told you, I would not necessarily take as the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

Indigo8

DiamondLily you only have one side of the story. Perhaps it is not as black and white as you think.

In my experience, there are always at least, two sides to any situation and although there maybe truth in what your neighbour told you, I would not necessarily take as the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

Knowing all those involved, I think I know who’s done what.🙂

Unless you hear from both parties involved, you only ever have one side of the story Indigo.

DL knows her neighbour, saw the relationship she had with her daughter and knows that her neighbour helped out a lot with childcare.

It is a lousy way for her to be treated and I hope she can eventually realise that she's better off without her. Some parents are treated badly by their AC for no good reason.

DiamondLily

A neighbour of mine had a close relationship with her daughter, and looked after her only GD, a lot with childcare.

Neighbour’s mother died, so neighbour decided to give her daughter some money from what she had been left.

Daughter came down, took the money, and then neighbour couldn’t get hold of her.

It now transpires daughter has moved, with GD, to the other end of the country, without saying a word.

Neighbour has recently received a text, from daughter, saying neighbour will never see her or GD again. And then blocked.

A lousy way to treat a mother, and, eventually, I hope neighbour realises she’s better off with her daughter out of her life.☹️

That is shocking and heartbreaking. Not about the money, but after letting her Mother and daughter to build up a close relationship by letting her look after her daughter- to then rip the relationship apart is devastating.
I'm sure it must be equally devastating for the grand daughter.

One day the child may hate her own mother for robbing her of her Grandma.

I think the company people keep with their friends can be a red flag

They may be treating you well for the beginning of the relationship but we all know that birds of a feather flock together and if their friends are not very nice the chances are they aren't either

DiamondLily

Indigo8

DiamondLily you only have one side of the story. Perhaps it is not as black and white as you think.

In my experience, there are always at least, two sides to any situation and although there maybe truth in what your neighbour told you, I would not necessarily take as the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

Knowing all those involved, I think I know who’s done what.🙂

So sorry. Just ignore the nonsense I wrote. You clearly know best.

Indigo8

DiamondLily

Indigo8

DiamondLily you only have one side of the story. Perhaps it is not as black and white as you think.

In my experience, there are always at least, two sides to any situation and although there maybe truth in what your neighbour told you, I would not necessarily take as the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

Knowing all those involved, I think I know who’s done what.🙂

So sorry. Just ignore the nonsense I wrote. You clearly know best.

No worries. It’s not my account to tell, so I gave a brief outline. I feel very sorry for neighbour, but I also feel sorry for the 4 year old that been removed from nursery, away from her little friends, moved elsewhere, and without any paternal family involved (Dad of child has never met her), and now the loss of her maternal family, it’s hard for a child that age to understand.🙂

Do the parents who suddenly stop the relationship built up between their children and their GP's ever think about their children's needs?

Smileless2012

Do the parents who suddenly stop the relationship built up between their children and their GP's ever think about their children's needs?

I suppose it depends on the reasons for the estrangement. If there is no potential harm to the children, then, no, I don’t understand disrupting and cutting off a whole side of a family.

If there’s a chance of the children being abused, in any way, then that’s a valid reason to estrange.

It should, if there are children involved, be about putting their needs before your own, if it’s just adult friction though.

It doesn’t always seem to work like that though. 🤷‍♀️

Absolutely DL if children are at risk then there should be no contact with the GP's, but in your neighbours case that can't have been a concern as she wouldn't have been providing childcare.

People who don't agree with what emotional abuse actually looks like, try to normalise abusive behaviours or would judge an abuse victim without any knowledge or experience of what that person went through behind closed doors

Red flag

VioletSky

People who don't agree with what emotional abuse actually looks like, try to normalise abusive behaviours or would judge an abuse victim without any knowledge or experience of what that person went through behind closed doors

Red flag

I worked for a child abuse department for years, so luckily I do understand. None of it is good. 🙂

I think those of us who would never abuse anyone in any way understand the seriousness of abuse in what ever form it takes, and would never judge a victim of abuse or try to normalise abusive behaviour.

Smileless2012

I think those of us who would never abuse anyone in any way understand the seriousness of abuse in what ever form it takes, and would never judge a victim of abuse or try to normalise abusive behaviour.

Yep, there are many types of abuse - none good. But, not everything that happens in life is abuse. I suppose it’s a case of trying to sort out the wheat from the chaff.🙂

DiamondLily

Indigo8

DiamondLily

Indigo8

DiamondLily you only have one side of the story. Perhaps it is not as black and white as you think.

In my experience, there are always at least, two sides to any situation and although there maybe truth in what your neighbour told you, I would not necessarily take as the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

Knowing all those involved, I think I know who’s done what.🙂

So sorry. Just ignore the nonsense I wrote. You clearly know best.

No worries. It’s not my account to tell, so I gave a brief outline. I feel very sorry for neighbour, but I also feel sorry for the 4 year old that been removed from nursery, away from her little friends, moved elsewhere, and without any paternal family involved (Dad of child has never met her), and now the loss of her maternal family, it’s hard for a child that age to understand.🙂

Yes, whatever the adults have done or not done, it is the four year old who has suddenly been wrenched from her Primary care giver, her maternal family, her friends and her nursery, removed from an area she was familiar with, that she knew and where she was known, from all that's familiar to her (and it sounds like with no chance to say goodbye.)

The child is still in her formative years, but she had spent the biggest part attaching to those things. I'm sure she is attached to her Mother, but I would not like to be in her other's shoes as by four she will remember (and ask questions about) her old life. It takes a village... but if the village is denied, what is the cost to the child?