May I offer a little hope?

We had 5 years of estrangement starting about 10 years ago. It did end but not due to anything I did. In fact nothing I could have done would have made the slightest difference. Likewise, I was in no way responsible for the estrangement in the first place. It ended when DIL's controlling behaviour became so unbearable that the marriage ended.
You can "hope" for estrangement to end, but you have to accept that you might not be able to facilitate that - and you still need to survive and move on.

Being unable to do anything to prevent estrangement or bring it to an end and not being responsible for it need to be taken into account when relevant, when discussing reconciliation.

Coercive control is so destructive eddiecat, I'm glad there was a happy ending for you and your son.

shamene

Very happy for you !
Wish the same for myself and all others as it’s very painful to go thru .. best wishes all ..xx

Thank you Shamene, & I'm so sorry for your situation. I wish you well for the future , & so hope that it resolves itself soon xx

eddiecat78

We had 5 years of estrangement starting about 10 years ago. It did end but not due to anything I did. In fact nothing I could have done would have made the slightest difference. Likewise, I was in no way responsible for the estrangement in the first place. It ended when DIL's controlling behaviour became so unbearable that the marriage ended.
You can "hope" for estrangement to end, but you have to accept that you might not be able to facilitate that - and you still need to survive and move on.

Good that the coercive control ended. It is so damaging to relationships.

But, not everyone sees through it, as you say, and situations can’t change.

But, happy for you. 💐

So happy for those who have their families back together, what a wonderful thing

Great news well done for acknowledging your part on the causing of estrangement

I would like to think it's possible. I had to give up on my younger daughter. After a lifetime of trying to help her I found that there was nothing I could do when her father came back into her life after not bothering with her for years. He has led her down the road to extreme conspiracy theory thinking . This combined with a life threatening devotion to veganism ( after nearly dying of bulimia as a teen) caused me to take a step back. I became a lone parent when this daughter was just 6 months old.

albertina taking a step back goes against every ounce of our maternal/paternal instinct but sometimes it's the only option open to us.

Why do our children have to do this?! Do they really think we/they are eternal. A bit of generosity of heart and acceptance we are all fallible. Do they really think they are perfect and have all the answers. I was at the receiving end of this drama some years ago. Pure folly

I hope you are now reconciled with your family, Goldieoldie15 🤞🏼🥰

Admitting mistakes can be so hard as well as becoming a better person. So much strength and bravery doing that and sharing it here

DaisyDaisyDo

Admitting mistakes can be so hard as well as becoming a better person. So much strength and bravery doing that and sharing it here

Yes indeed. Can't have been easy.
But let's not lose sight of the fact that for some parents suffering long term estrangement from their children, as well as adults suffering other kinds of estrangements, soul searching, apologising, and admitting mistakes - because let's admit it we are all human and muddle through the best we can most of the time - doesn't always work, in fact it can do the opposite and enable further mind games and abuse.
This doesn't mean that those not reconciled with their children or other relatives are not 'better people'.
Just making this distinction because sweeping generalisations can be taken personally by those who could be still suffering the pain of estrangement.

You've echoed my thoughts Babs; a good post.

Babs03, Sorry, this lady and others deserve some praise and I just wanted to give some

Thank you DaisyDaisyDo 💕

You are welcome