Support and friendship for those whose lives have been affected by estrangement.

Jaffa Why on earth would your D invite you to see your GC at a roller disco when your unwell!!

I read that saying out to my class some time back, it's surprising how after reading my 'Life Lessons', a student will come up to me and say how applicable it was to them, the puddle one included.

Never knew my dad's M&D. I remember when at school a child would say about their other or 2nd N&G and I would say you can only have one as that's what I thought and only knew.
My dad's mum died before my sister was born and as she had 3 boys and no girls, she would have loved to have had a GD. My dad's dad was a spiritualist healer, I have a couple of photos of him doing this. My dad never spoke of them, so I never knew they existed. He was estranged from his dad the whole time we C were growing up and they reunited when my mum spotted him in Woolworths. Sadly, he died not many years after and as I lived in Africa, I didn't get to meet him, which I'm sad about now.

So, I grew up with my mum's family, seeing them all a lot as they all lived nearby. My great grandma lived with my nan & granddad, which was normal then and my m&d lived with them too, when they first got married, they had my brother there, so 4 generations under one roof.

My grandad died when I lived in Greece, my mum said don't come back for the funeral and my nan died when I lived in Africa, too far to come back, I thought at the time. but now I wished I'd come back for both, they were a good n&g and I loved them, so I should have come back.

Babs Sorry to hear it's been a long time for you too.

I remember when I first came on here, when I was newly estranged, and a poster put it was 2yrs for them. I thought; that will ever happen to me, thought it would be all over in a month or two!

@yogi yes it has been a long time and so many wasted years trying to square a circle, but when I suffered a breakdown and lost my job I realised things had to change or I would lose the family I had left, as well as my sanity. It was a watershed moment. Since then we have aimed at living our lives rather than just existing, we not only owe that to ourselves but our other daughters and GCs.

Without this thread I would have felt all alone . But all the wise words, support and friendship it gave me a safe haven to be myself and say how I felt . Things I couldn't say even to my best friend as she's a counsellor and first time I told her about my son she put that voice on and told her I wanted my best friend I didn't nor want counselling. Still don't mention him to her .

But at least she accepted my help where her grief is concerned over her husband suddenly dieing .

Had a distressing what app
from her this morning she has been hacked and every in the hands of the police and banks. I had a weird email supposedly from her. But it was her hacker. Knew it wasn't from her as it said hi sorry to bother you but could you do me a favour. I didn't reply . As I knew what the next thing would be and that was asking for money that way getting my bank details.
Some people are despicable.

As with imposter posters be vigilant with your mobiles and emails .

@whiff feeling alone is the worst. We couldn’t talk about it for ages, and I have a rather low opinion of counsellors and therapists , I know some people swear by them but I also feel they can do a lot of harm, indeed I know our estranged daughter saw one and shortly after that kept coming out with a load of psycho babble, stuff she would never have thought of herself and because she loves to play the victim despite abusing others I imagine whoever she saw had an awful lot to work with.
Anyway am sorry to hear what your friend went through, have had my email hacked on occasion but change my password frequently. Is not a nice feeling. I remember when I thought my account on here had been hacked by the imposter who used a subtly different username to mine, I thought they must have hacked my email until grunty and GNHQ got back to me.
Hope you don’t think I am having a go at your friend with regard to counsellors am sure there are some good ones around.
Take care 🌹

Yogi clever Joey…Whiff pets can be healing, my watch cat has been climbing onto my chest to give me a cuddle this last ten days.

I haven’t seen any messages by the “intruders” before they are banned by GNHQ. Very grateful to GNHQ for being quick on this thread to extract people with mean intentions.

I’ve been royally bloomin hacked it’s still going on - my main social media account has been badly hacked with the hacker/s asking my friends for contact details and /or investment in a internet coin.

I am hoping I can get my ‘BF’ account restored - I miss my friends!

Have a peaceful evening everyone.

My guard cat;

Awww your guard cat is so beautiful SparklyGran, what is he/she called?
And I agree, animals are healing, we have had cats and dogs, and our little dog Scout, no longer with us, was instrumetal in seeing me through the very worst of our estrangement in the early days.
I love a tortoishell and white, we had a black and white cat, and before that an all black cat but my old mum had a tortoishell and white cat called Bunty.
xx

Babs my friend knows I don't have anytime for counselling. But respect that she tired to help people mainly 16-18 years olds when working at college and other people in her private practice she retired this year as she became a pensioner like me.

SparklyGrandma your cats beautiful. Glad you have a watch cat .

Trip out with GC has been cancelled by my daughter.
Sad but also relieved as have had a bad day today ,really tired and off balance.

So sorry you feel unwell Jaffa, why on earth does your daughter keep expecting you to go trawling over to see the GCs somewhere unsuited to your needs right now?
Am sure an opportunity to see your GCs will arise again, hopefully somewhere a bit easier for you.
Take care xx

Thank you Whiff.

Jaffacake I am glad your daughter has cancelled you seeing your grandchildren. I am not being horrible but you are not well enough for all the stress it would cause you plus the worry about your daughter's operation and all your test results.

The cruelty she has inflicted on you is beyond belief. But then again it's what estranged children do . I know how lucky I am not to have been treated the way many on the support thread have and still being treated.

Using grandchildren as a weapon against us is cruel fortunately most grandchildren are to young to realise they are being used . But they get older and hopefully will they realise how they have been used ,depending on the age they started being used as weapons.

My son's 2 oldest will have forgotten me by now and the youngest won't know I exist . As much as I miss them I have been at peace for a year now not holding on to the hope of ever seeing them or my son ever again . But I had to do it for my peace of mind .

It's a horrible thought you have to protect yourself from your children and adult grandchildren. But at least here we can have a voice and know we are not alone .

Has anyone had PMs from names they don't recognise. I had several from Silverfox99 they where friendly but when I put the name into search no posts from that person existed . He said he was from America and sent me his email wanting mine but said no and blocked him . There is a thread on Chat about others having PMs from names they don't recognise and GN have commented about it.

Not only imposter posters to watch out for but PMs from strange names .

Oh, what a handsome guard cat Sparkly

My D estranging me destroyed me, I was in a very bad way, my eldest DD too, as she was estranged shortly after me. I remember her coming to me crying, first thing in the morning, she had been on her way to work, when she burst into tears, so turned around and came to me. My estranging D destroyed our family! The pain & upset was off the scales. I can never forgive her destroying us for no good reason.

Jaffa just as well, bet your D thought you would decline the offer of seeing your GC in the noisiest & busiest of places, knowing you are unwell and need peace & calm.

Yogi

Thanks for the heads-up Whiff on pm being imposters!

I too am at peace now with this estrangement, never thought that would be possible, never in a million years! My darling est.GC whom I loved and adored and they me, have no idea about me and sadly I of them. That special bond we had; all destroyed, gone forever

Off to visit a friend who had a hip op and has just got home. [no not dancing]

Tomorrow I and our London family are having a Gondola trip on the Thames, really looking forward to it. Hope it's as dry and sunny as it is today.

Morning all some bad news yesterday our grandson who is down for an op in GOSH beginning of Dec has come down with measles, he is only 9 months old so hasn’t had jab yet, kept him in hospital last night due to temp spiking but eventually has come down so he is back home. His eyes are swollen and red and he just looks so poorly.
Parents are sleep deprived and stressed.
Apparently they have to fill in public health reports and will call the parents today with precautions to take. At the hospital they were ushered straight into isolation. Might complain about the NHS but they have been really on the ball with this.
Just hoping they don’t end up taking him back if his temp spikes too much.
Anyway take care fellow estrangees, not sure if I like that word but it will do.
And enjoy the sunny weather is lovely here ✅✅

Whiff - I had a weird pm on here from someone I didn’t know, and who had never posted.

I just blocked and deleted.

It happens on forums that they get “invaded” by trolls etc.

Hopefully, they’ll be bored now and go elsewhere.😉

DiamondLily

Whiff - I had a weird pm on here from someone I didn’t know, and who had never posted.

I just blocked and deleted.

It happens on forums that they get “invaded” by trolls etc.

Hopefully, they’ll be bored now and go elsewhere.😉

The trouble is some die hards don’t seem to get bored when posting on other estrangement threads 🙁

Babs sorry about your grandson . It happened to my daughter had measles when she was 11 months old. But I unlike your grandson hadn't had an major operation. But they will make sure he's well taken care off. Last things his parents need .

Since moving here never had such good healthcare. Same for my brother and sister in law and healthcare they get in Lincolnshire. Dread to think how we would have been if we stayed where we lived. Doesn't bare to thing about 😱

DiamondLily while technology has given us a lot it's also give rise to more crime and crimes which are harder to trace unless caught quickly.
My friend being hacked just makes it worse for her as it will be soon be the anniversary of her husband's death. And as you know well when anything happens first person we want and need we can't have them . Which only makes you feel worse and even simple solutions harder .

Yogin hope it's a dry day for your Gondala trip. And you have a nice meal out somewhere to finish off the trip nicely .

@whiff thanks. Just wish that our daughter and SiL could catch a break.
Glad that you get good health care up there, isn’t bad where 2 of our daughters are in London, but pretty dire near us. Hoping is better where we are moving to.
🤞🤞

Evening everyone.

Back home now from our flat. Still seems strange calling our new lodge home, strange but nice. Didn't do all that we'd planned while at the flat as neither of us were well but at least the attic's been boarded out and everything put away.

Just like little Joey, our dogs aren't impressed with going out in the rain Yogin and when they come in, stand on the towels provided to get dried off.

Like you, I wish I'd known when we were first estranged what I know now. That first thread when we were all newly estranged, had no one who'd got through the early and most painful and difficult times. None of us could believe that it was possible to move on and make a different life for ourselves without the children and GC we'd lost.

For anyone new to this nightmare, I hope that reading our posts and seeing that we have found light at the end of what seems a never ending tunnel, gives some hope and reassurance.

Your Gondola trip on the Thames with the family sounds great, fingers crossed that you get good weather so you can really enjoy the experience.

I think Babs that not everyone here approaching their estrangement in the same way but the result being the same, shows that there is no right or wrong way. There's nothing an EP can do to bring about a reconciliation if their EAC doesn't want to reconcile.

It is concerning when someone's sought therapy or counselling and comes out with statements they'd never have made before, especially in terms with past events that never actually happened.

There does seem to be an inordinate amount of 'psycho babble' banded about when it comes to estrangement and not always used appropriately. An inexplicable rise it seems to me in the number of toxic and/or narcissistic mothers and mothers in law for example .

I'm so sorry about your little GS, poor little mite. I hope by the time you read this he's feeling a little better. Poor mum and dad must be exhausted and very stressed, it's heartbreaking to see your little one so unwell and with his operation looming too.

Sorry you're having a bad day Jaffa and as others have said, why on earth is your D arranging trip for you and the children that she must know you're unable to do because of your health? Is it deliberate; giving with one hand and taking away with the other so she can't be accused of not including you, even though by default she's actually excluding you because you're not well enough to do the things she organises?

Love the pic of your cat Sparkly, very handsome . How frustrating for you to have been hacked . I hope you can get your 'BF' account restored soon.

You've not missed much as far as deleted posts go, just the usual unpleasantness that we've come to expect from time to time. GNHQ have been great, getting rid almost as soon as they appear.

When the word spreads about the fabulous baking you're treating your new craft group members too Whiff it's going to be inundated with new members . I'm no crafter but if I lived in your area, I'd join just to eat your cakes .

I've not had any weird pm's DL which is just as well as the weird posts from 'new' posters are bad enough.

Have a good evening and don't forget to put your clocks back one hour before going to bed tomorrow. (((hugs))) for you all xx

@Smiles hope your cold is soon better, and sounds like Mr S had it too?
You are right nobody takes the same journey with estrangement but for those of us who have come out the other end and found a life worth living it will surely give hope to those who feel their situation is hopeless.
I wish I had chanced upon this thread
earlier but maybe back then I was a different person and wouldn’t have listened, thinking we could fix things no matter what.
It’s a funny old life.
GS is back in hospital for the night under obs because his temp is spiking and they fear he might start fitting. Only one parent can stay which is tough but the rules.
He has had paracetamol suppositories and ibuprofen so his temp has come down and he won’t eat but is taking milk now so the doc says she thinks he will be fine to go home again tomoro. 👍
The poor little lad must have had enough of hospitals.
Anyway have a good night everyone.
🙏🏾🌹🌹