Poem to my Mother

Message deleted by Gransnet for breaking our forum guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Single, your first paragraph says all thats needed to know of you.

What a sad read. I do think the sayings 'pick your fight' and 'the least said the soonest mended' ring true in so many families. Do not heed these sayings are suddenly you look around and think goodness me what has happened????

Allsorts

Single, your first paragraph says all thats needed to know of you.

Once again Allsorts, your comment does not relate to the posted poem, rather it is a non-relevant remark intended to be disparaging about someone who has posted. Please, I implore you, if you wish to comment on this thread, keep it to the subject matter and refrain from comments that are just a put-down of someone else. Comments that are fundamentally just a provocation of someone else should, if to be made at all, be made privately to that person directly rather than publicly. Thank for your consideration.

Thank you KellyGransnet.

Thanks Kelly 🌺

SingleIncomeNoKids, some further background, FYI.

My mother separated from my father at least six times over the course of their marriage, the first time when I was ten years old and my youngest sibling was only three. Imagine being a young woman in her early 30's with six young kids in tow and no work experience, trying to manage with only public housing and social assistance for a source of income.
Somehow, my father was always the most loving and supportive when my parents were separated and he always managed to lure her back. Clearly her love for him and her unrealistic ability to think somehow that 'this time he will change and things will be different' overcame common sense. And, of course, you're probably correct that financial considerations played a part.
Interestingly, when I was only thirteen, I came across a Dear Abby column where a man wrote speaking of his abusive, alcoholic father and, as a young man, asking his mother why on earth she ever stayed in the marriage in those circumstances. To his mother's response that she stayed for the sake of the children he replied, "Mom, you did us no favour". I recall clipping the column and giving it to my mother to read. She and I did not talk about it, I was satisfied that my views had been made known.
After the last time my parents reconciled, at which point all their offspring were adults living in different cities from my parent's locale, they decided to renew their wedding vows. It was telling that none of us children chose to attend. They managed to stay together, despite his ongoing emotional abuse, until my father's death.

That post has gone. 🙂

KellyGransnet

Sorry for all the deletions on this thread. Unfortunately we have some quite persistent previously banned posters who are determined to have their say. We've banned several accounts and removed their posts.

Thanks Kelly.👍

Trip, your mother sounds like the mother from hell, truly bad person who ruined your life. It is obvious from your words describing the sort of person your mother was.
I was responding to the foul offensive language used in first paragraph of a persons post which was disgusting, everyday language for some, but words do matter, I chose not to read the rest as it would be in the same vein? I don't need your permission to comment, isn't that why people post or maybe only post if they agree

Allsorts, of course you do not need my permission to comment, but the thread is about the poem I posted, not about a posted comment someone else made. As I pointed out: Your comment did NOT relate to the posted poem, rather it was a non-relevant remark intended to be disparaging about someone else who posted. So, I implored you, if you wish to comment on this thread, to keep it to the subject matter and refrain from comments that were just a put-down of someone else. Comments that are fundamentally just a provocation of someone else should, if to be made at all, be made privately to that person directly rather than publicly.
I could have reported your inappropriate comment (it clearly was intended to be disparaging of the other poster) but instead I tried to reach out to you directly, but I guess I should not have tried. I just didn't think that the thread needed yet more deleted posts.
Finally, if you took the time to carefully read everything that I've posted to this thread about my life and my mother you perhaps would not have been so harsh in your judgment of her. Yes, my poem describes a terrible period of time in my life but I subsequently noted that it was on me that the poem in isolation creates an inaccurate impression of my mother that fails to take into account my childhood years with her or all of the good she did for others despite the significant challenges and difficulties that she also had to face in her own life.
I have to say that you really are incorrect in your assessment that my mother ruined my life. She did ruin a small portion of my life over the few years addressed in the poem, but my life as a whole definitely was not ruined by her. I made a very good life for myself despite my own challenges and am now very comfortably retired.
I do not dwell on the past even though some might think so from reading the poem. As I explained when I originally posted, however, I did so because I had always felt that the poem should be shared (for reasons that I have also outlined) and that I only came to do so now because, after all this time, I had finally learned of a forum where it could possibly be of some good to others.
I welcome your comments on the poem. I did not suggest or imply that you needed my permission to comment, I only asked that those comments relate to the subject matter of the thread. Negative, accusatory comments about someone else as a person are not acceptable under the posting guidelines for this site as a whole, not just this thread. I now realize though that directly trying to elicit comments that don't offend the posting guidelines is probably inutile. I have never done so thus far, but next time I see comments like that I guess I'll just report them instead.
I wish you well.

Trip, I was posting about your poem, which said it all and won’t be returning to this subject.
You are free to report as you wish,

It is the nature of how GN works to comment on other posters posts Trip to agree or disagree. Threads rarely stay 100% focused on the content of the OP especially if they go on for several pages.

I appreciate this can be frustrating for the OP but it's not realistic to expect all responses to be solely restricted to the subject covered by the OP.

Threads, on any site, do wander, that's the nature of the beast.

Plus, there’s only so much anyone can say about a poem. 🙂

I am so sorry that you ever felt the need to write the poem. Thank you for sharing your feelings.

@Trip3,
Your poem is also a launching pad for many other discussions, so wandering off piste should be expected.
And Allsorts was subjected to a verbal assault from a troll which is hard to withstand for any of us, a troll you then communicated with. Luckily your response wasn’t deleted along with the troll.
In any case your poem is extremely moving and addresses a dysfunctional relationship with your mother, which may or may not have been resolved when you then cared for her in old age, but in any case I hold my hand up to you for doing this.
Take care

I can understand how you feel Trip3 after many people disrupted your thread before. Thank you for your efforts to keep the message clear for those of us who found your poem beautiful.

To Smileless2012, Diamond Lily, Skydancer, Babs03 and Luminance

I truly very much appreciate your comments and shared guidance on the nature of how threads here tend to work. As noted, I am new to this site and I will now endeavour to be more tolerant and understanding.

I do wish that the sniping and putting down of others amongst posters who seem to have a history of discontent with each other could be avoided but I'll have to accept that that's just part of human nature. I really don't so much care that comments can go off track, I do understand that; it was just my wish to try to deter negative or insulting personal comments on the thread and that's what lead to the post that I directed to Allsorts about staying on thread.

One observation re your comments Babs03, I'm not sure where you saw the verbal assault you say was directed from Single to Allsorts but there was no assault on Allsorts in the post that was deleted and that I responded to. (BTW, it was only when I actually hit Ctrl-Enter and posted my response that I even saw that the post I was responding to had been deleted.) The first paragraph of that deleted post was a distasteful insult about my mother (not about Allsorts) using rather foul language. It was something along the lines of, 'so, what you're saying Trip was that your mother was like a sweet cake with a s* turd baked inside.' Allsorts' reaction to this insult about my mother, was a comment that just redirected the offensive insult back to the poster. When I then objected to Allsorts' comment, Allsorts did explain that it was written because of the foul language that was used and which Allsorts found to be offensive. Yes, it was offensive, so why then redirect that same offensive message? I too found the statement to be quite offensive but my choice was rather to ignore the insult and instead try to take the high road, providing further background info that I hoped might temper Single's view. My later comment to Allsorts was then made because I feared that Allsorts' comment back to Single would just result in another slinging match on the thread with yet a further batch of posts having to be deleted.

All this said, in future I do not intend to try to deal directly with comments I might find to be insulting or offensive. Rather, I will leave such action, if warranted, to the Moderator of the forum.

Hey, just found this and was moved. It sounds from the poem that despite many mistakes your mother made with you, you were still a loving son. That's worth the world in my opinion, being able to forgive and still love in the face of it all. Some cannot forgive, cannot move forward and are left with nothing but hate. That's not only sad for the parent but for the child as well.

I'd love to hear I love you from my adult children, even with the constant critisizing they bestow on me, to hear that.... for me can wash away all the gray. I just hope they do, even if they don't say it. Meanwhile, I have grandchildren that say it to me and they are my heart.

You are better than most.

Why are do many comments deleted? Sounds like you were severely let down.

Freshair

Why are do many comments deleted? Sounds like you were severely let down.

Previously banned posters, on here just to cause trouble.

Freshaur I would guess its because they follow a pattern of ranting and foul expletives.

OK thanks ladies. I do have my say on GN and sometimes a post evokes a strength of feelings you want to express. But directed abuse at that person who posted it is not really acceptable.

Fresh air , Exactly!