Here we go again

Treasure the relationships you have, take care to keep thoughts on those who you have no communication with away from those you do to avoid more damage to family systems. All will be well that way. Rather more sensible to vent here or to close friends than risk larger issues.

As they're living at home, not having their parents approval can be problematic especially at 14 Elless. We know of a lady whose GD, grown up and left home, sought her out and sees her without her mother's knowledge.

They've been seeing one another for years but it didn't start until she'd left home.

You could be right about societal bias against EP's Babs. TBH I've never thought about it but it can go some way to explain the bias we often see here on GN.

fancythat

Babs03

Correction - societal bias against EPs.

I never knew that existed.

Neither did I before I became an EP. But of course society will judge EPs harshly, it is alien for parents to be estranged from their ACs, the whole concept of parenting is to always be there to love and support your family. If for some reason an AC is estranged from their parents the onus is on the parents to explain and justify this, not on the AC who many will assume has been abused or in other ways mistreated/neglected. Online there are many forums in which EACs generally wax long about their terrible parents, but sadly hardly any for EPs, who far from saying terrible abusive things about their EACs say how much they miss them and love them, the sympathy is most often for the child not the parents, despite people not being aware of the context.
Here on GN this bias is also there.
However, with 1 in 5 parents estranged from their ACs I think we can assume by the laws of mathematical probability that not all EACs have abusive/terrible parents, something else is most definitely going on. And when parents have other children who are not estranged from them but are also estranged from the EAC we have to consider other possibilities. And those possiblities are that some EACs do just walk away from loving parents.
Tbh both my DH and I now don't care if people judge us, that reflects badly upon them not us, and we hold our heads high knowing that we loved and still love our estranged daughter, but if she is happier without us that is simply the way it has to be.

You're right Babs and estranged mothers tend to bear the brunt of criticism because mothers are supposed to be loving, kind, caring and nurturing so if their AC walks away, they must have failed at their primary function.

With regard to successful relationships with other AC, we see suggestions that the EAC was the scape goat especially if they have more than one sibling and if there's only one, the other sibling was the 'golden child'.

When we look at the narrative associated with parental estrangement, we can see how much is geared to favour the EAC and condemn the EP. The parent, usually the mother and if parents in law are estranged, usually the m.i.l. are often labelled toxic, emotionally abusive, controlling and let's not forget narcissistic.

How often have we seen it claimed that EAC never walk away from decent, loving and caring parents and if an EP believes the estrangement is due to their AC's coercively controlling partner, that AC are attracted to abusers because their childhood has led them to believe that abuse is normal.

Like you, we're not interested in how others may judge us but TBF in 'real life' we never have been judged unfairly. It's only online that I see it and although after 12 years for me it's like water of a ducks back, it does rile me when I see how others are being upset.