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Estrangement

Support and friendship for those whose lives have been affected by estrangement.

(969 Posts)
Smileless2012 Thu 26-Jun-25 10:42:51

So here we are again, another thread for friends we've already made and for those we are yet to meet.

The last few days have been difficult because for as long as some of us have been contributing to the support threads, offensive posts from these 'new' members still not only disrupt, but can hurt too.

'The truth shall set you free' popped into my head over the weekend because these 'new' members/trolls/previously banned posters are not being truthful to us here on this forum or possibly to themselves either.

In order for the truth to free us we have to be honest because honesty and truthfulness can liberate us from all kinds of emotional baggage like guilt and fear and also the impact of deception on our lives.

Guilt often prevents 'admitting' to estrangement in the first place and many live with the fear of permanent estrangement, that estrangement is inevitable or the fear of what a reconciliation my bring.

The impact that the deception from those who lie about us to others is sometimes unquantifiable as is the impact of lying to themselves.

What we share may not always be pretty, it may not always be easy to share or to read but it does help ourselves, one another and who knows how many who read but never post and that I believe is what really matters.

SparklyGrandma Thu 23-Oct-25 15:36:05

Hello everyone, Smileless Babs Whiff Yogin Allsorts

Hope everyone gets over their lergy and/or gets their flu jab free.

Upshot of recent health matters, I am now living with peripheral arterial disease and have blood thinners.

A relative has been causing complications with my health care, by ringing them up and lying and saying I’m refusing to see my son and grandchildren.

I got really upset then am looking for advice on how to solve this particular piece of nastiness.

It’s so stressful!

Allsorts Thu 23-Oct-25 18:56:08

Hello Sparkly, Make an appointment with your doctor and tell him what has been happening. You know the real truth. You must put your health first and have nothing to do with this person and block her.

Whiff Fri 24-Oct-25 09:51:03

Sparkly sorry you are going through this . Allsorts is right and given good advice . I am on Apixaban even when I had my flu jab and my covid one took a plaster to put on ..My flu jab didn't make me bleed but the covid one did . When I have blood taken I take 2 large plasters they put them on top of eachother. Make sure you have plenty of plasters in and plastic strips to close wounds as a small cut will bleed a lot and bruise easier .

I really don't understand why people get pleasure in causing trouble especially a relative . Your health comes first.

I am glad I have had silence from my son he wants zero contact so he has his wish. He knows nothing about my extra health problems but then again he wouldn't care.

Take care of yourself Sparkly

Babs03 Fri 24-Oct-25 09:53:34

SparklyGrandma

Hello everyone, Smileless Babs Whiff Yogin Allsorts

Hope everyone gets over their lergy and/or gets their flu jab free.

Upshot of recent health matters, I am now living with peripheral arterial disease and have blood thinners.

A relative has been causing complications with my health care, by ringing them up and lying and saying I’m refusing to see my son and grandchildren.

I got really upset then am looking for advice on how to solve this particular piece of nastiness.

It’s so stressful!

@Sparkly so sorry this is happening to you and I wish you well with your health issues.
🙏🏾

Allsorts is right, and legally nobody has the right to interfere with your health care unless they have power of attorney and even then docs wouldn’t concern themselves with family matters.
Would ask your health providers to block unhelpful calls from this relative.
What is wrong with some people 🤨
Get your feet up and enjoy your beautiful cats.
🙏🏾😍

Yoginimeisje Fri 24-Oct-25 09:55:49

Morning all

Nice sunny and dry today, washing all my bedding and putting on the line to dry hmm.

Sparkly this estrangement snowballs to others in our family, I've just had the same, but after my estD cruelty, I will not go down that path again, so upto them to see sence. A relative shouldn't be allowed to discuss your private matters, surely. Sorry to read about your poor health, wish you better xx

Babs03 Fri 24-Oct-25 11:48:21

Have PMd you Yogi xx

SparklyGrandma Fri 24-Oct-25 13:59:55

Thank you Allsorts good idea thank you Whiff, Yogin Babs03

Taking your advice, feet up, watching the third series of The Diplomat on Netflix. Very good if you like politics, thought a bit more sweaty than I’d like.

Anyone got plans for the weekend?

Whiff Fri 24-Oct-25 15:47:38

Sparkly a good series to watch on iPlayer 9 bodies in a Mexico morgue might have said corpses not bodies I forget . Very good . U Drama has some good dramas Whitstable Pearl ,Recipe for Murder ,Sister Boniface and others . Ellis is very good on my 5. Sherwood on iPlayer think it's called death at the end of the world also on iPlayer. Trouble is I watch things and forget what they are called. Some good ones on ITV X. I tend to watch things on catch up rarely watch live TV.

May make blueberry jam tomorrow or apple chutney haven't decided yet but definitely one of them .

Finished making my things for my craft group display some shops are going have them in their windows. Then they can sell what I take if they want to. Just got to cover my Gelli printing with clear varnish but waiting it to arrive . Made place mats and note holder.
Sunday check my Christmas presents and what I still have to buy .

Yoginimeisje Sat 25-Oct-25 10:51:34

Morning all

I'm watching The Traitors; gripping, always finishes on a cliff-hanger. Also watch Strictly, which is great. Stay away from murders and horrors, enough of that in real life!

Was taking my friend out for her birthday meal tonight, her choice of Indian restaurant. She then decided she wanted an earlier meal so we could watch the firworks off the pier, so phoned and made earlier reservation. She has now decided we must ditch all of that to watch the Halloween Parade followed by the said faireworks! I reluctantly agreed, as it was her birthday treat. Wasn't too happy as it will be rammed with people! But now my DD&GDs are coming with us and hopefully my son, it will be a good evening, albiet very cold.

Whiff Sat 25-Oct-25 17:00:58

Yogin hope you have a good time tonight even though it's not what you planned . Hopefully it will stay dry for you.

Don't forget we put the clocks back tonight .

Smileless2012 Mon 27-Oct-25 13:05:15

Afternoon all.

Feeling better at last, but not 100%. Last week was horrible, taking ages to do the smallest of tasks and left feeling completely knackered when I'd finished.

Sent Mr. S. out on Friday with rather a long list for the weekly shop which involved going to 3 shops. He managed brilliantly but it took a while for me to make up the list, to be very explicit and making the list for each shop in the order that things appear as you walk round.

I would ask exactly who this relative of yours has been speaking too Sparkly, speak to them yourself telling them they are not to engage with this, or any other relative and then tell this relative what you've done. Bloody cheek!!! angry.

Oooh I'm into 'The Diplomat' too and am on series 3. Thought the foreign secretary had a very sexy voice and just wish she'd brush her hair.

Feel better soon flowers xx

We binge watched '9 bodies in a Mexican morgue* Whiff it was brilliant wasn't it and a great ending. Surprised you find time to watch anything with all your crafting, cooking and baking.

Loving 'the Traitors' too Yogin, first time we've watched it and don't think it will be the last. Hope you enjoyed your evening out on Saturday, how could you not though with DD, GD's and your son as well.

SparklyGrandma Tue 28-Oct-25 14:26:08

Thank you Allsorts for your legal advice and Babs.
Whiff thank you for your what to watch advice.

Also watching The Diplomat and as I liked The West Wing (which I have watched right through 7+ times) it added a frisson to see Alison Janney as Madam President, and Bradley Whitford as The First Gentleman.

A sunny golden afternoon here. The autumn interest plants and small trees that I chose this year, then a beefier person than me planted, are showing their colours now.

A small tree called a Rowan ‘Copper Kettle’ is starting to go copper coloured, I am excited by the prospect of the leaves all copper coloured.

Small things please me like this.

Have written to my GP surgery.

SparklyGrandma Tue 28-Oct-25 14:29:54

Smileless sorry to have missed you. Very glad you are feeling better, hope you are free of the leagues after effects soon.

I now know who it was/is, Smileless, thinking about how to deal with this person.

Allsorts Wed 29-Oct-25 07:01:08

Sparkly, your surgery will not discuss your health with anyone, this person may try but will not be listened to. That's why we have Power of Attourney.
I haven't got Net Flix which is a good job as I wouldn't get anything done, I spend a lot of time on Catch Up.
My back is really bad at the monent again,
I had started to feel fetter so on Sunday worked on my front garden, really enjoyed it, since then I have paid for it. I had someone do it a few weeks ago but they missed things.
Smileless, glad your recovered, it sounds bad what you had.
Yoga, you seem to do such a lot where you live, so is the meal off and you are watching events? You are lucky having D and G children near. Enjoy yourselves.

Babs03 Wed 29-Oct-25 09:25:24

Glad you are taking things in hand Sparkly. This relative needs to back off.
I did chuckle about Mr S needing a detailed list. When I was last in Lidl I could hear a woman talking to a man on speakerphone as he pushed the trolley round telling him exactly where to go and what to get. 🤣
We have Netflix but I tend to watch true crime documentaries or programmes, I really like following the clues and forensic evidence, then seeing justice done. Not into anything gruesome or child related though, just re-enactments.
DH still up and down but progressing slowly. In A&E Monday due to excessive drowsiness and headaches, but was all good, he still has a bleed on the brain but is reducing thank goodness.
Hope your back gets better Allsorts, nothing like back pain, glad you at least felt able to get out and do some gardening.
Take care all 🌹🙏🏾

Yoginimeisje Thu 30-Oct-25 11:46:50

Morning all

Hope everyone is well today.

I'm not, was really ill yesterday; reaching to be sick, but wasn't, so walking round with sick bowl, hot & cold, terrible sore throat & headache. Went back to bed till 1pm. Got cover for my class and for this evening [hopefully]. much better today, but no voice, not eaten anything, couldn't even drink a cup of tea! Did have one this morning; so onwards & upwards. Can only think I caught something at the Halloween parade, with all the crowds, which I hate & avoid, but went because it was my friend's birthday treat and my DD&GDs wanted to go.

Lovely sunny dry day, have done some washing & normally a day like this it would go on the line outside, but couldn't be bothered today, so chucked in the dryer.

Sparkly I have a lovely smoke bush which is bright copper colour, really brightens up the garden, alongside a cotton bush with bright red berries.

Two things this week made me feel my age; first one was I was a week early for coffee with Babs. Second was when I went into Lidl, just after, and a young black guy behind me at the till ask if I needed any help! [DD thought it could have been a rouse], then went home to begin feeling ill. So, Tuesday was not a good day for me sad.

Babs03 Thu 30-Oct-25 11:55:24

Oh my Yogi, so sorry you are poorly, feeling sick is the worst.
Don’t feel daft about turning up a week early I’ve been there and done that.
Looking forward to seeing you next week 🙏🏾❤️

Whiff Fri 31-Oct-25 06:12:19

Oh dear the trolls are back just reported the 2 top threads on this forum . You can always tell the trolls as they have never posted before and are looking for a fight . Please ignore then I know it's hard but they are just trying to bait us and it will only end up hurting people . And people who have never posted before appearing and taking the sides of the trolls .

Whiff Fri 31-Oct-25 07:13:51

Just wanted to post that. Now will catch up with all your news .

Smiles hope you are feeling better everyday . There are lots of bugs going around don't know if it's because we had it so hot for so long followed by the wet weather and it was perfect conditions for them to breed .

Can't remember if I said I had my flu jab weeks ago and paid to have my covid jab as I didn't qualify this year for free one . But if I do get covid at least I know it won't be as bad as without the jab .

Sparkly hope that relative has butted out of things they have no right to having an option about . And you are feeling better.

Mr S did better than my husband I could give him and list would get most of what I wanted plus extras that he thought would come in . In other words things he fancied 😂.

Smiles I wake every morning at 5 to start taking my tablets . Usually up at 7 but like today probably be 8. After my exercises and while my breakfast is cooking I do my pedalling . After breakfast get all the things I planned done . Then have lunch about 1 with TV on and then cross stitch or reply to emails or order things. My baking is done my short cut ways . And making my jams etc mainly involves sitting reading once it's boiling or simmering and just giving it a stir every 10 mins. With a cuppa listening to some music .

Allsorts hope you your back is feeling better. And able to do the things you want . I don't have paid for TV just use the free channels . I watch everything on catch up rarely watch live TV .

Babs glad Mr B is ok after your trip to A&E . Please look after yourself. When I was going to A&E a lot my daughter said I needed a reserve sticker on a chair 😄. Booked a phone appointment with my GP 2 weeks ago so got that this morning but 2 things added to my list of what I want to ask. If it's urgent you can see or speak to a GP on the day you need it or there are walk in clinics here which is better than going to A&E.

Yogin hope you are feeling better bugs are around up here . But worse when the children are back at school next week. Problem lot of bugs are air born so we never know what we are breathing in . Noticed few people have started wearing masks again here . Don't know if I could wear one again have then in but since my hospital stay back in January so much has changed and find very hot ,cold or windy weather effects my breathing. But would have to wear one if I had a cold and had to go out . Mind you it's no fun sneezing wearing one . But I always have clean ones with me .

Yogin I have been week early for things so have to make sure everything is on my calendar. If it's not there I forget .

Thought it was our last Mindfulness class yesterday but we can have another one next week our teacher asked us if we wanted to . We have formed a what's app group one of the class asked if we would like it so all said yes. There are 6 of us but we just clicked as a group and want to keep in touch and meet up for a cuppa . Funny how friendships are formed .

Have my last singing and exercise class on the 19th . Hopefully if there are classes with my area I will beable go to. There is lots of class at the office in the city but I can't go otherwise I would still go to the Brain Charity. But going to the Brain Charity event next week so will not beable to come home after my class and have a taxi straight to there as the event starts at 4-7. But looking forward to seeing old faces .

Monday morning it's chat and cuppa then home for short while then sit fit . So busy week again . Time flies so quickly since moving here.

My brother phoned think it was Monday I am going to be a great auntie in April. His eldest daughter got married 2 years ago . Thrilled for them both . Like I was for years they will be long distance nannie and grandad. My nephew and 2 nieces have never viewed my sister in law as Stepmom as she is better to them than their own mom who has always been a nightmare. But they have never abandoned her . My husband couldn't stand the sight of my brother's second wife I never liked her . But she was my brother's choice . So never said anything until they finally spilt for the last time after 22 years of on off marriage and divorced. I love my sister in law to bits and adopted her dad as my second dad .

Take care everyone and hope you are feeling better those who are ill.

Whiff Fri 31-Oct-25 07:27:00

Forgot to say my husband would say his mother's flying tonight . Happy Halloween. 🦹🧟

Allsorts Sun 02-Nov-25 08:59:15

Yoga I tried watching the Traitors but found it very funny, I could not take it seriously. I watched three episodes and it just felt like dressing up for grown ups. I did like the Trojan Horse though and couldn't have set fire to it.
Whiff, My son bought me a witches broom many years ago, on Halloween, saying you kept your transport outside mother so I bought it in, he neatly got a clip round the ear.,,Lovely news shout your brother about to become a grandfather soon.

Babs03 Sun 02-Nov-25 09:33:09

Whiff

Forgot to say my husband would say his mother's flying tonight . Happy Halloween. 🦹🧟

Ha ha that made me chuckle.
Great news for your brother and no doubt you will also be thrilled at the thoughts of a new arrival.
❤️

Babs03 Sun 02-Nov-25 09:38:29

I haven’t watched Traitors but my DDs love it and keep telling me all about it.
I watched one of the non celebrity Traitors last year and got too cross about a young woman being hoodwinked by a handsome
charming young man whilst turning against a less good looking man who was actually looking out for her. I don’t think that I would be a good candidate for such a show, if I was traitor it would be totally obvious and would just think everyone else is a traitor and so not talk to anyone. 🤣

Smileless2012 Sun 02-Nov-25 12:07:56

Morning everyone.

Netflix is rather addictive Allsorts and what with that and so much else that's available, it's a wonder I get anything done grin. I hope your back is feeling better, you must be careful not to over do things and set it off again.

On more than one occasion I've seen a desperate looking man on his 'phone, walking around a supermarket in a state of confusion Babs.

It's good to know that Mr.B. continues to improve gradually and that the bleed on his brain is gradually improving too. How are things regarding the move going? Do you have a completion date yet?

Hope you're better now Yogin, did you enjoy the Halloween Parade? With so much seemingly going around at the moment it's impossible to know where we pick things up from.

There are always one or two items when we get to the checkout that weren't on the list because Mr. S. fancied them Whiff and he always manages to drop them into the trolley without me seeing hmm.

So your brother's going to be a GF, how lovely; will this be their first GC? I remember how thrilled we were when we got the news but we never got any real joy out of the experience which didn't even last a year sad.

I saw those threads and did wonder. It's good that they were deleted before stirring up any unpleasantness. There was enough of that last week on another forum. A new poster looking for support and advice who ended up asking for her thread to be deleted and when I tried to pm her I couldn't, so she must have left.

Had a nice meal out last night and then an evening of music when we got in. Haven't done that for a while so we really enjoyed it.

Getting Mr. S. to take down the two glass light shades we have over the breakfast bar so I can give them a good wash. The lights were on last night and I looked at them while wearing my glasses so had an OMG moment blush.

I shall be watching 'Dirty Dancing' this afternoon and as you can imagine, Mr. S.is thrilled grin.

Enjoy the rest of the weekend everyone xx

Yoginimeisje Mon 03-Nov-25 09:27:01

Morning all

Feeling better today, will be back to teaching Weds evening. Still not right though, not eating much, my son cooked the Sunday roast yesterday; 10/10 for dinner 5/10 for clearing up, the roasting dish wasn't even put in the dishwasher.

It was def. Covid, had it Xmas 2019, which was just before Covid was known. It would be good to know where I caught it from, but as you say Smiles, you can't know for sure.

Did you enjoy 'Dirty Dancing' Smiles? I've recorded it, didn't realise I haven't seen it!

Yes, lots of good programmes on; Strictly, Worlds apart and of course Traitors.

Will go out later, first time, taking some roses to my dad's garden of remembrance, almost a week late now! Surprised my sister hasn't been in touch as I always send her a pic on the day, 17yrs since he passed.

Take care all xxx