Support and friendship for those whose lives have been affected by estrangement.

So nice to read you had a good Xmas day Smiles
Hope everyone else did too.

Quiet day yesterday, watching some good films, eating and drinking lovely Xmas fair.

Another quiet one today, walkies with Joey, pop to local Tesco for a couple of bits. Work tomorrow, just one class which I will enjoy, then off again till next Sunday, back to normal schedule after that.

Enjoy the rest of your day all xx

Hiya everyone xxx. Just wanted to come on to wish you all a happy new year x 🍾

I can guess how hard this time of year is for some of you. 🌺

I do read GN, but I feel a bit of a fraud coming onto the estrangement forum - yes, I’m estranged from my brother, my late DHs relatives and my GGDs birth mum - but all at my instigation, so not the same at all.

But, you all helped me so much through my trauma I thought I’d say hello and thank you .😊

It’s been nearly 3 years since DH died. It was pretty awful. 🙁

My health collapsed, half my hair fell out, and I’ve lost 7 stone in weight - who needs fat jabs?😳. Not recommended to try this diet though. 😳

I had put on a lot of weight through DH, after medical orders, insisting he’d only eat full fat/sugar/cream foods if I did . I piled the weight on, he gained nothing. 🙄

Now, I weigh less than I did at 18. Pity older skin doesn’t cooperate as well as young skin. 🙄

But, on we go. I just spend more money keep having to buy clothes. 😳. My bank are pleading for respite 😂

I’ve had terrific support from family, friends, real and online, and neighbours. I’m lucky. 👍

DH, before he died, told me to find my joy, my light and my laughter again - he knew what kept me well. 💖

So, I’ve pressed on. 😉

I decided to find something positive to achieve every day. About a year after DH died, I was reading a predominantly female “anti-men” forum. (The sister one to this) and a man posted to say he’d lost his wife of 40+ years, who he’d cared for for a long time, and he didn’t want counselling or medication but felt lost. The same as me. I wanted neither either. Pointless in my view. 🤷‍♀️

But, on this site, posters jumped all over it - being a man and not wanting counselling are cardinal sins. 🙄

So, I sent a PM offering condolences - well, long story short, we were mail support friends for a long time, but now life has moved it all on a bit. He came up here for a meeting over a year ago,.

Neither of us want 24/7 any more, and we live 90 miles apart, but we meet at least once a month and go away on short breaks together. 👍

The family have met him, and really like him - he’s a lovely bloke. 👍

Next June, we’re off to a break, carting along 6 of my English family members/friends and my 8 American friends and family. Can’t think what could possibly go wrong here. 😂😂. Isle of Wight - brace yourselves. 😳

My GGD is nearly 3 now and she is a delight. Despite medical predictions about how her birth mother’s behaviour with drugs/alcohol could affect her, it hasn’t. She’s great - reaching all milestones, talking non stop, going to nursery, and thriving, and assertive and stroppy when she needs to be. (Can’t think who she takes after 😬😬😬🤐😉) . I am so relieved. 💖

She spent Xmas with us and had a great time. It’s difficult with her full time carer/guardian being a JW but we’re all getting there. Helped by the court order. Birth mother, who wasn’t allowed to see her except under professional supervision, seems to be out of her life now - she has another man and has moved to the other end of the country. No longer interested in her daughter. It makes life easier.🤷‍♀️DD, SIL, and the rest of us make sure she only knows love and fun. 👍

Anyway, I’m waffling, so I’ll end with wishing you all a happy and healthy 2026 xx🌺

🍾

DL so lovely to hear from you and catch up on all your news. Am thrilled things have settled down in your life, and the outcome for your GGC is working well.
Enjoying our new GC but with all the loveliness of this, it brings into sharp focus the sadness of the gc we don’t see. Realise we still have to work at staying in a good place….not sure that will ever end. But otherwise all is well. Hoping 2026 brings happiness for us all here on this forum.

Spring20 - thank you for your good wishes. 🌺

Congrats on your new GC, but, no, nothing can ever replace what you’ve lost. Whether it’s through death or estrangement, it’s an ongoing struggle to just try and see the positives in life. Not easy. But it’s all we can do. 🤷‍♀️

Hopefully, some of the estrangements on here will sort themselves out in time, as some have in the past - life really is too short for any angst that can be discussed and healed.

But, some won’t and can’t be.

Like you, I wish everyone on here a happy and healthy 2026 xx

How lovely to hear from you DL, and hear your life is now so full and postive hope it goes from strength to strength, wishing you a great new year.🤗

Lovely to hear from you Diamond How time flys! Good luck with your new man friend and good to hear your little GGD is doing well, does her dad see her. Happy New Year

I read that Gordon Ramsey's DD got married last Saturday. The groom fell out with his mum, and neither her, his dad and 2 brothers were invited to the wedding. The mum said she feels like her heart has been ripped out! We all know that horrible feeling. The mum wasn't invited to the 'hen do' as bride to be said she wouldn't fit in, and it all snowballed from there.

What better way of seeing out 2025 than to see such a positive and uplifting post from you DL .

It really is lovely to see how life has turned around for you, especially as you've been such a supportive and caring member of this thread xx.

His father was invited Yogin, providing he sat at the back of the church!!! I doubt it, but would love to think that he'll be forever haunted by what he's done to his family especially his parents, every time he looks at the medals he won.

A 'born again Christian' yeah right.

I'm feeling really positive right now and strange as it may sound, I think it's because of my brother wanting to make contact and my refusal to do so.

It isn't that my head is ruling my heart, my head's protecting it.

It’s good to hear that many of you have had a nice Christmas and are feeling so positive about your lives following estrangement. It has given me strength and helped with acceptance of my situation.
I managed to ‘survive’ Christmas Day by making a big effort with the food, spoiling the family that came over and having a lot of fun playing silly games. My 6 year old GD (the only one I see now) was a delight and I so wanted it to be a happy time for her, which also made lovely memories for me. I did cry before bed though, once they had all gone home, and I was once again left with the sadness of my estrangement from my eldest D and two GDs.
My estranged family met up on the annual family walk with my siblings and nieces/nephews on 27th and I felt very cheated that we couldn’t go this year. I spent the whole day sorting and tidying - I always find cleaning the shower cubicle good therapy for some reason !!! At least my brother messaged me after asking if I was OK as he realised how hard this must have been for me.
Hearing about the Ramsey/Peaty family story, and also the Beckhams, it does seem to be that this is happening more than I ever realised before estrangement struck me! Or maybe it has been going on fr years and I am only noticing it now. Could this be a sign of how that generation deals with issues - to decide to have ‘no contact’ with their own mothers and family rather than deal with their isssues? I also wonder if they have any empathy for us estranged, broken hearted, bereaved mothers and grandmothers? I suspect not.
After two years of this pain, I can’t take much more and my New Year’s resolution is to become as strong and brave as you ladies who have struggled with it for years. At the moment, I actually feel a strong dislike for my own daughter, which I never thought could happen. I dont think I want her back in my life anyway now knowing that she is capable of treating me like this. My pain now is for the loss of my two GDs.
I hear from my youngest daughter about what is going on in their lives., and they seem to have grown up so much, and their lives have moved on in the two years, that I dont think I know them any more. Any hope I still hold is that one day they will come back in my life.
So keep positive everyone and thankyou all for your support. I wish you a Happy and peaceful New Year.

Debbie So pleased to read you had a good Xmas day with your DD&GD, enjoyed some games after your lovely Xmas dinner.

I know you met up for your traditional Xmas walk with your siblings before Xmas day, but to miss out on the one after, which hurt & upset you, in my opinion was wrong. You should have been there the second time too and not your estranging D. Her choice to do the dirty deed, so; therefore, her that should have missed out on the nice Xmas met up.

I, like you Debbie, don't know my DGC anymore, they were toddlers when I last saw them and now they are grown teenagers. I did have a very special bond with my little GD, which is exactly why I was cut out.

Smileless2012

What better way of seeing out 2025 than to see such a positive and uplifting post from you DL .

It really is lovely to see how life has turned around for you, especially as you've been such a supportive and caring member of this thread xx.

His father was invited Yogin, providing he sat at the back of the church!!! I doubt it, but would love to think that he'll be forever haunted by what he's done to his family especially his parents, every time he looks at the medals he won.

A 'born again Christian' yeah right.

I'm feeling really positive right now and strange as it may sound, I think it's because of my brother wanting to make contact and my refusal to do so.

It isn't that my head is ruling my heart, my head's protecting it.

Hi, Smileless - I don’t post much because I’m not in the same position as so many on here x. I do miss posting, but I do read it xx. You were all such a great help to me through the traumas of my life. 😊. But, I feel a bit of a fraud on here. 🤷‍♀️

Well, I fell out and estranged my brother, the night before DHs funeral. I can’t get past what he said.

I’m happy not giving him, DHs family or GGDs birth mother any headspace.👍🍾

I’m not horrible generally, I’m very laid back, but some things I just can’t get past, and nor do I want to. I’m done with them.

We need to protect our own well being - nothing wrong with that. We only get one life. 😊

I read the sister site to this a lot, although rarely post. I am constantly astonished by the trivia, with Gen X, that they seem to want to estrange from (mainly) their DHs families, but sometimes their own parents.

Wrong bread sauce at Xmas? Best go non contact. Disrespectful, 😂😂😂

Jeez, I hope they never have a real trauma. 🙄

Anyway, happy new year to all - hope it’s happy and healthy 🍾🍾🍾🌺🌺xxxx

Estrangement from any one in family is hard but it doesnt compare to your own child doing it and losing your grandchildren in the process, but it still hurts. Estangement forum is for everyone and it is nice to hear things are good for you now DL, particularly having that little girl in your lives, it must bring such joy.
Want to wish everyone a happy and peaceful new year.

Happy new year gang . Hope 2026 you can achieve everything you want and come to terms with estrangement and not let it rule your life .

Our children, grandchildren,other family members make their own choice you estrange us. I have never blamed myself for my son estranging me . He made his choice I never saw it coming. But decided November 2023 to let go of ever seeing it hearing from him ever again and been happier since I made that decision. If he thought he could break me then he is wrong . I broke long time ago when my husband died . Real grieve for the other half of yourself dieing gets worse with every year that passes . The worse grief if your child has died.

Estrangement is called a living grief but for me that gets easier especially since my decision to let go. I still love my son but he is a stranger I don't know or like now. But I am not the same mom he knew I have no tolerance for bad behaviour. I will never forgive or forget what he and my daughter in law have done . I have 3 grandson's don't know if they have been told I am dead or don't care. But they are getting older and if they want to find me they will and learn the truth .

If 2025 was an awful time for you not just estrangement but healthwise yours or loved ones .
That's the past 2026 is a new year with new possibilities and new choices . Make choices that want to you achieve and look forward not back .

Know I am pages behind but been busy elsewhere but my rambles will be back 🤣

Happy new year and new start to possibilities. 💞🥂

Happy New Year dear friends.

I hope that for each and everyone of us, this year will be one of peace and happiness.

Love and (((hugs))) to you all xx

Wishing everyone on here a 'Happier New Year!'

"HAPPY NEW YEAR" to all on here. May 2026 be a good one for all xxx

Best Wishes for a peaceful and happy 2026 to all on this estrangement thread. It helps me to get on with my life, knowing I'm not alone with this sad and unexpected experience.

Happy and healthy new year to everyone on here, new or old. 👍🍾

Let’s all hope for a good year. 😉👍🥂xxx

As usual days behind. But I get myself so involved with not just GN but other sites I am . So many people hurting and needing help and support but I only go by my own experiences . Also it's taking longer to control my hands to type which is very annoying.

Smiles, Allsorts is right don't know what is worse getting to know your grandchildren or not . I should have realised something was up when my first grandson was born and I came up to see him . We where in John Lewis and my son said do you want to push the pram . It was one of those ones that grew with the child not like when my 2 where born had a second hand Silver cross coach built pram . We had it off friends who after having their son after years of trying and many miscarriages where told not to have any more children as our friend nearly died having him . Lost touch after my husband died. He would be nearly 44 now. Veered off again .

I hit one of the stands and my daughter in law grabbed the pram off me. My son had to grab me so I didn't fall and got my stick off the pram handle for me . Never allowed to push either of their 2 eldest again .

When my daughter had her first funny enough in John Lewis and she said push him mom as it's safer for you . I hit a stand and thought she would take him off me but she just said it's ok mom I keep doing that .

That's the big difference my daughter and son in law have always trusted me with their boys . Their eldest will be 8 this month and when he was born and until January 2020 I had limb jerks since 1988. When my daughter was 4 and son 6 months old . But they trusted me to feed him ,change his nappy and when he was older played with him at bath time while my daughter did other jobs. I never put him in or got him out of the bath in case I dropped him . I even baby sat him so they could go out one night each time I stayed with them . But sat in my room incase he needed me as I wouldn't have been able to get up the stairs quick enough.

When I was at my son and daughter in law's house when it was bath time never asked if I wanted to help or watch . All the things my daughter and son in law trusted me to do with their boys ,my son and daughter in law never did. I wasn't even left alone with them in a room in their house.

When I moved here my son came every week for 7 months with both boys for lunch and play . He told me when they realised especially the oldest used to get excited when realised they where coming here . But even in my own home he watched when I played with them . Both used to love playing monster in my bed . A mad cap game I started with them . My son used to stand in the door way. Still never allowed to help . My eldest grandson was born in winter 2016 his brother summed 2018 and their brother summer 2020.
My daughter's boys winter 2018 and winter 2020.
In age order my daughter's are 2nd and 5th. Son's 1st,3rd and 4th.

They are close in age and last time I saw my son's boys they where 4&2 and don't even know the name of their brother or date of birth. Know when he was due so I wish him happy birthday to the air on that date .
When the estrangement happened I did tell my daughter they never trusted me with my grandsons and thanked her for trusting me . She said silly billy mom you never harm us . Even though my disability got worse I was always hands on mom only thing I didn't do was carry my son up and down the stairs but he learnt to climb them early . And I couldn't go out by myself for years so never took them to school or my son to play school. But thanks to my husband and dad never missed anything they did . And even though I wasn't a school gate mom I still knew all my children's friends parents . Also those parents trusted me with their children when they had play day at our house .

Smiles you saying Mr S serenaded you . I remembered our first dance at our wedding my husband sang one twice, three times a lady to me . Like me he was tone deaf.

Hope you did got those Disney decorations. Putting up my tree 1st December decided not to have some of the ornaments on. I always put the breakable ones on and my grandsons put rest on. Brought lots of new ones last couple of years . But like my daughter said most where over 30 years old brought from the first Ye Olde Christmas shoppe in Edinburgh. Taking the tree down yesterday put a lot to take to the charity shop in the autumn. Since moving here my daughter has brought me one every year . The angel on the top she brought the first Christmas after her dad died as I didn't want the star . It's not a cute angel but it's always the last thing to go on the tree and first thing off.

Debbie as my grandsons with my son where 4&2 I don't think they will remember me . If they have asked why they have only one nannie I imagine my daughter in law has told them I don't care or am dead . She estranged her dad when her parents broke up but he and her brother and sister live the other side of the world . Her parents decided to go back to the country her dad was born and she was when she was 18 she didn't want to go her brother and sister where 14&13. She moved to live by my son when he went to uni . The worst thing is she treated me like a mom and cried in my arms many times as she missed her mom and brother and sister. She blamed her dad for taking them away from her. Her parents marriage ended 10 years ago and her mom lives with them . I was told it was temporary until she brought her own place . But she is still with them .
She is a nice woman and I always got on with her. But it really annoys the hell out of me my 3 grandson's are having to share a room while she is still there. They have 3 double bed rooms . I do sometimes wonder if she gloats she is the favoured mom or in fear of putting a foot wrong . She was always allowed to feed ,change nappies etc.

I would never live with my daughter . I decided after my husband died I would never live with my children. I am very independent and after my mom lived with me the last 18 months of her life with cancer and dementia. I will never put my daughter through that. I told her when I took out both powers of attorney and changed my will in 2020 . She is never to look after me and if I get dementia and go into a home she is never to visit me . She said she would .
Things have changed I have already got a plan I am never going to go through what my mom did and never want my daughter to have my memories. Took me a year to think of mom as she used to be before the dementia changed her . Memories I wish I never had nor the scars I still have from my mom .

Once quality of life has gone then quantity does not count . My mom would have hated what she became . Mom died 4 months before her body . I would never wish that on anyone .

Not a good place to be end but losing control over my fingerrr.

I was so sad to hear your story Whiff. How could your son and daughter in law be so unkind to you? But your daughter sounds really kind and supportive so I am pleased that you have her and her family in your life.
I have been trying to make sense of all this estrangement stuff. I find it really hard to understand why our much loved children can turn on their mothers this way. To me it doesn’t feel like normal behaviour. Which has made me think, “has my ED got a ‘condition’?
It seems today that everyone is talking about autism and ADHD and listening to the traits of these, I am now wondering whether my estD might be autistic. It could explain her behaviour, but then maybe I am just desperately looking for a reason why? I know I wasn’t perfect, but its not like I was abusive, or had an addiction problem or abandoned her, but maybe its something she thinks I should have spotted in her childhood? She has had both my GDs tested and one is autistic and the other has ADHD. Not that you’d know it, so why do they all seem to need to have a label these days!
Have any of you ever thought about this? Or am I going totally mad?

Hello everyone. Yes Whiff I got the Disney 'Villain' baubles and they'll be out all the time. We have a display unit where my treasured Disney ornaments are kept and Mr. S. fastened some small brass hooks on the underside of 3 of the shelves for me to hang them on.

He'd wondered what I was going to do with them when we bought them but I of course already knew .

TBH Debbie I don't think that even with a definitive diagnosis of autism, that in itself would explain why some AC estrange their parent(s).

There is an awful lot of labelling these days and that's not necessarily a good thing either IMO. Abusive, toxic and narcissistic are often labels attributed to EP's and the reason(s) given for estrangement when such behaviour only accounts for a % of estrangements.

I also think that estrangement is being normalised. There are online sites where information on how to estrange is readily available. Going 'no contact' is too often the go to 'resolution' if there's even the smallest of issues, especially it seems if there's an issue between a wife and her m.i.l.

Over the years here on GN I don't think I've ever come across an EP who hasn't considered every conceivable reason why their AC has estranged them so no, you're not going totally mad, it just feels sometimes as if you are .

Counselling is a lucrative business, constant rehashing is pointless, we all have bad things happen but its pointless re opening a healing sore. You do what you can to put things right but it takes two, can’t be done alone, so build on what you have, plan things for yourself, not everyone has close family to help or would want them to if they were there so its up to us, What is helpful is not feeling alone with it as I and many did initially, for years a shameful secret, now there are forums like this and its in the papers every day, public estrangements being played out. Of course there are bad times but they pass.

Morning everyone, I hope you're all managing to keep warm during this cold weather. It was -5 here last night!!!

Our decs came down as usual on New Years day and despite enjoying the run up to Christmas at long last, and having a lovely Christmas, it is nice to get back into a 'normal' routine.

While we're wrapping up in multiple layers when going out including our dogs, DS is spending his school summer holiday lounging on the beach in Aus. and snorkelling.

Yes Allsorts it is up to us, not just too move on with our own lives but to help one another move on with theirs.

When it first happens it doesn't seem possible to recover and find peace and happiness again and then there are those who live in fear of estrangement. Who are watching their relationship with their AC gradually deteriorate and unable to stop it.

It was all so quick for us that we never saw it coming and it took some time for us to understand that even if we had, there was nothing we could have done to stop it.

Days behind again . But I must tell you this before I read your posts. A group I a member off has been awarded The Kings Award For Voluntary Services. And last autumn they where interviewed and filmed by the BBC and it was shown on BBC morning programme yesterday . It was in their new slot about community projects . I don't do the litter picking as I would fall over but my grandsons do. The group is also in the running for a Keep Britain Tidy Award. Fingers and toes crossed they win one .

I was at the cuppa and chat morning yesterday we meet once a month . I did say should ask for their autographs .