Support and friendship for those whose lives have been affected by estrangement.

You are an amazing lady Whiff, in spite of your disability you have purpose and strength,
Take care of yourself, i hope your coming appointments are helpful to you.💐

Thank you for the replies, l have done previous Wills and written letters with them. But perhaps my letter needs to set more out and be stronger, l don't know.
The solicitor said that leaving the EC something doesn't make any difference to whether the Will can be contested, and people sometimes think it does.
I like reading your messages Whiff, l hope the appointment you have coming up will help you a lot

Good evening everyone.

It's been really lovely to read your long posts Whiff especially as you continue to manage the health issues you have.

Dreams can be a comfort Debbie, especially when they're full of the memories we have before everything changed. They remind us not only of the child we used to have and the good times, but also that we were and are good parents.

You never need to apologise for anything you share here with us, this thread is for the good and the bad times Debbie .

I'm glad you had a good night's sleep Allsorts, it makes such a difference to our physical and mental well being. I do have bad nights from time to time but on the whole, Mr. S. and I are very fortunate to have 7 to 8 hours a night.

Our solicitor told us that all we needed to stipulate in our wills is that our ES was well provided for by us during our lifetime which of course he was, until he estranged us. We haven't even mentioned the fact that we're estranged as not referring to it makes it irrelevant in terms of our wills.

I like what your solicitor told you Smileless, thank you. l shall add that. We had given them money including deposit for their house (which apparently l had not done correctly--so l was told years later when estrangement happened, cheque had been cashed though)

Oh the similarities Hilltop. We along with my brother, invested money into our ES's first property to provide the deposit. We did this through solicitors and it's recorded with Land Registry.

When they got engaged, we all transferred our investment so it could be used as a deposit for the house they wanted to buy together. Solicitors were used again.

When he estranged us he said the only reason we'd invested the money was to control them . We suggested that as they felt that was the reason it maybe better for all concerned if they paid the money back.

13 years later we're still waiting.

I had to laugh, Smileless, sorry.
We gave them the money very early on in their relationship, they were both recently divorced. I noticed she never mentioned it or said thanks but l didn't bother about it. I had written the cheque out to him, posted it, can't remember if l put both names on the envelope, probably just his.
When estrangement happened years later, l was told that I'd "only given it to him" Didn't she know we knew she would be living in the house too! Was l supposed to have made the cheque out to both of them, l don't think that can be done?
One of the many mistakes l apparently made.

There seems to be a pattern here. I also helped my estD to buy her first home with her boyfriend. I was a single parent at the time on a low income and I took a big risk to borrow money for them. They've conveniently forgotten I did that for them.

Morning all

Debbbie It's a good idea of yours, to write a letter to your estD but not send, it gets it out of your mind and down on paper, that you can read back and try to process.

After months of not sleeping & waking at 3am, I too took 'Night Kalms' which really helped me fall asleep & not to wake at 3am. Took for many years but finally managed to stop, I sleep well now, but this is 13yrs on from first being CO.

Me too; re the money. I gave them quite a bit before they married and paid for their wedding, don't remember getting a thank you for either.

It makes me laugh too Hilltop. They're so entitled aren't they and it's so glaringly obvious that it's all about them, what they want and how they behave and yet we've all wasted so much time and effort, dissecting their childhoods and how we parented, wondering what we did wrong.

When we said it would be better for all concerned for the money to be repaid, we received a solicitors letter stating the terms and conditions of the investment, that it was only to be repaid if the house was sold!!!

So be it, but that means that they'll probably never be able to move during our life time because what would have to be paid back, would be a significant sum and could be a substantial percentage of what a deposit on another property would be.

Weren't we all so trusting and full of good intentions! I'm so sorry. We have all learnt a lot since then, unfortunately. I'd never heard of estrangement. Oh well, never mind, l suppose, let's just get on with life and try to put it out of our minds, that's all we can do. I'm just hoping my executors have no bother from them after I'm dead.

At this point in time and where we are with the estrangement, we will split what’s left equally between all our children…..but while we’re alive we are giving monetary gifts to our non estranged kids to help with housing etc. We’re happily treating them while we can (hoping to live 7 years more to avoid tax). As our EC has cut off contact we have no details of how to get in touch and have no guilt about this. Not yet at the point where we’d leave them out of the will, but that may change….estrangement takes us all on a journey and none of us can predict how we’ll think or feel at any given stage.

Morning everyone.

Another celebrity couple's relationship with an AC bites the dust and we see lies from Brooklyn in a vain attempt to discredit his parents, in particular his mother, to try to justify his behaviour.

All too familiar for so many of us but at least we've been spared the public humiliation.

Yes Smileless, at least our estrangements weren't made public. How awful. Whatever we might think about his parents, or indeed Brooklyn himself, only we can understand how painful this all is.
Sadly though, for me, listening to it all is not helping me to try to accept and move on in my own situation. It just keeps bringing it all back. I wonder what our estAC are thinking as it must resonate with them too?

If it does resonate with any of our EAC Debbie I wonder in what way. Does the telling of lies about the parents they've estranged resonate I wonder .

Try not to become despondent. There will always be something that brings it all back because it never goes away but each time you get through them, you'll be that little bit stronger .

I just think the cruelty of making it so public is beyond belief. No one knows what happened but the desire to inflict as much harm on his mother and her reputation as possible - to try to destroy her career and life - says a great deal about his character. She will already be totally heartbroken. I hope she has good people around her to help her through this.

V and D have one another; they have other children, family and friends and we all know how vitally important they all are when you're going through such heart break.

He's a nasty piece of work.

Yes V and D seem strong together, and as you say, have their other children.
Sending love to any on here feeling triggered by recent events. I’m finding it hard. Just when you think you’re coping so much gets dredged up again.

Hi back again . . Reading all the money you gave your children to help them only for them to turn on you later on saddens me .

The only money I gave me children that was mine . When I was widowed at 45 the government gave me £2,000 towards funeral costs. But because we knew my husband wouldn't live 5 years we had already put the money aside for it . So gave the children £1,000 each they didn't want it but I insisted and showed them the money for the funeral in a separate account which my husband called the death fund. My husband had a weird sense of humour but it's that humour and love that got him through the slow death he lived through until he was terminal and his pain and losing himself to the cancer which he liked to a blackness eating at him from the inside .

Even though my son estranged me. I am very proud of the fact both my children and their partners worked hard and saved paid for their own weddings and brought their own homes will no help from me .

I did buy my daughter the dress she married in but it was a beautiful dress from Hobbs she didn't want a wedding dress but a dress she could wear again ,brought her shoes and because she didn't want flowers but a clutch bag so I brought that. My son in law brought a suit from John Lewis so he could wear it afterwards for work.

My son priced hiring a wedding suit £100. My daughter in law found a place that sold ex rental wedding suits . My son found a 3 piece suit in perfect condition for £80 which I paid for and brought him a shirt ,tie and shoes. I spent same money on both children . Neither wanted me to be I insisted they where both worried about me spending money on them . My daughter in law found a store that sold end of line wedding dresses and she did buy a beautiful one three quarter length and just had small bouquet of flowers .

Did buy then a wedding gift my daughter and son in law wanted towels in cream and some in blue and my son and daughter in law wanted a good quality mixer on a stand . Got both lots of presents in Marks and Spencer sale for the towels and John Lewis had sale on KitchenAid mixer plus an extra bowel . Total spend on wedding presents £200 each couple .

For all what my son and daughter in law have put me through I am still proud what they have is through their own hard work . She had no help from her parents .

I know my son in law's parents only brought them wedding presents . As my daughter and son in law refused any financial help from them with they're wedding or buying their home .

Both my children told me to spend my money on what I needed . They where capable to get good jobs . Both couples had worked since they were 16 . My daughter and daughter in law always saved and both loved bargains.

My daughter tells me she doesn't want any inheritance. When I said I wanted just a cremation she said no mom I want a funeral so I said I would pay for me now. She said no it's my responsibility when you die. Spend money on yourself and I do but still get my bargains . But a life time being careful with money won't change me .

Since coming out of hospital January last year can't do some of the cleaning low down or high up. So this week my cleaner started work . She will come every week for 90 mins . Went with a company that way if she can't come a replacement will. As I have said because of my disability my life runs on planning ahead and routine it's how I cope . So this is the best option for me . My cleaner did said how lovely my home is . And showed her main areas I wanted cleaned so this week my shower room got a thorough clean all the tikes and my shower cubicle and the rest of the shower room was gleaming when she finished . Next week it's the kitchen to have thorough clean places I can't reach . Then the other 3 rooms week after then it will just be a good clean each week all through.

Well that's me done for now . So glad to see old names and helped given to anyone new . This support group continues on helping and it's more like a group of friends who care about eachother. 💞

Yes, I’d like to say thankyou to the members on here who have been going through this for many more years than I have, and yet are still happy to help give support to people like myself for whom it has just happened. But it is still very sad for me to hear that your pain is still very real. I wish you all some peace.

For me Debbie being here for others has really helped me over the last 13 years because like you, they've also been here for me because it's become as Whiff has said, a group of friends who care about each other, where new friends are always welcomed.

I do hope everyone feels welcome coming on here. People eventually come to terms with estrangement in their own way. I probably view my estrangement different to some others. I was one that took all the blame and thought it must have been my fault as I knew no one else it had happened to.Time however has altered that, I am so glad I did everything to reconnect because if I hadn’t I would regret it now. I think she doesn't hate me but I irritated her. There is no way I could have estranged my family even if I just felt duty to them but its different now. They live their truth whatever that is. We are different people after so many years but I still love her and always will, want her happy because she is part of me. Most of the time I an happy and accept what i could not alter but there are still moments when I get down. Not everything can be fixed, it takes both sides. For those that have family or a partner, you concentrate on those that do care, because time goes that fast
you cannot waste it.


cannot waste it.

I've been very miserable this last fortnight, l shall be better when I've signed my new Will. But l have been so pleased with my latest buy from amazon. Bought because my daughter was given one for Christmas and l could see how lovely it is. It's an Alexa. It's such fun, if you live on your own especially. Have any of you got one?

Nil dude, It do have friends with an Alexa and would like one for music, it's the thought they are always listening to me I find off putting. I could ask Alexa for things I look up on my iPad.
Had a drive to a Market Town this morning, the weather was lovely spent some christmas money on new leather gloves and jeans but they're quite tight so have started healthy eating again, now I have eaten my weight in chocolate, not weighed myself as do not want go see how much weight I have put on but can guess.

Oops! Where fund Nil dude cone from, should have been Hilltop, but another one tgstbpipewho slipped through after checking.