Support and friendship for those whose lives have been affected by estrangement.

Yoginimeisje

Sounds wonderful Smiles just the sort of place I'd love.

Sparkly not watching Tennis, don't know how they can in this heat, see a little when I switch on the TV.

My ex-dance teacher has exotic cats and has enclosed her whole garden in mesh, looks OK. I did tell my neighbour but she's opted for the cage, which I think is awful, but I understand why.

My GD had her op at around 4.30pm yesterday, 2hrs, back on ward at 7pm. I had left to teach my yoga class as it was too late to get cover or cancel. Popped into Tesco to get a few bits and also something for us to eat & went back again. She hadn't woken when I left at 9.30pm, woke later, but too late to be discharged, so going home today. I'd love to share a pic of her in her hospital bed; cuddling a soft toy duckling I'd bought her, long blond pigtails, she looks sooo sweet, but of course can't.

Bless her little heart! She sounds so sweet and it’s sad she’s hurt. Years ago, my daughter fractured her collarbone, she was about 7, so I know what it’s like to worry about things like that. I hope she gets better soon.

I will just check in then read what pages I have missed .Today finally think I am getting back to not the pre January me but the me before the blood pressure tablets gave me a kidney infection and the antibiotics caused my heart to go crackers week today. My HPX is more under control. Think it was a shock for my exercise classes how bad it gets . Hopefully this week can stand up this week to do the exercises . Will just take it easy as I go away on the 14th to see my brother and sister in law for 5 days . Managed to do my pedals this morning but fell asleep after my breakfast.

Thursday I went to see Vasily Petrenko conduct the orchestra at the Phil. It was brilliant. He conducts using his whole body. And after each piece he gave a cheeky smile over his shoulder so we didn't clap until the end . Found out I can't clap any more 😱. Had brilliant help from Josh taking me to my seat and he came back for me at the end. Must have looked bad as the taxi driver taking me walked me into the venue and the one who brought me home wouldn't move until I got inside.
Talked to some lovely people. It was a magical night and the high strength hi fidelity ear plugs worked .

Better read what everyone has been up to .

Do the others at the bowls club call Mr S the lad 😁 Hope is was ok with this heat. Having a BBQ when you fancy one is lovely. And you may get more hedgehogs coming round than just one . Where my brother lives they all have arches in the fences for the hedgehog hiway. When it starts to get colder he puts out food for them but only after their dog has been out ready for bed. As hedgehog food upsets dogs tummies. Mine you she did eat a whole bowl full. He can hear them behind the garage waiting as their prickles run against eachother.

Can picture you Smiles with your parasols and book and no doubt a nice cold drink just bird calls and the water features. With a contented smile on your face .

Yogin I had a few conifers at my old house and they where like bird hotels during the breeding season . Plus Magpies and crows could get to the eggs or chicks .

My neighbour the back of me has a trampoline in the garden as his son, daughter in law and granddaughter live with them. But he only gets it out when the weather is good if it's going to be windy and during the winter months it's folded up and stored behind his shed. He cut down and couple of his trees to down to the ground. But has beautiful silver birch trees and they are beautiful in the winter months.

Babs does the heat effect Mr B's breathing if so see if they will prescribe him a GT spray. Heat and cold effect my breathing and my cardiologist gave me a GT spray. Just 1-2 sprays under the tongue it tastes vile but it works . I take it everywhere with me just incase I need it .

Before I forget anyone here with disability or carer or have family members are one or other. Only recently found out about this.
The National Disability card and there is a National Carers card. The disabled one costs £20 for 2 years but if you buy the carers as well it's cheaper to get them together. Plus buy the holder and lanyard. It's saves having to prove you are disabled. Since I had mind wear it every time I go out. You can get discounts from supermarkets,etc and can even be used abroad. I am confident with my disability but wearing it makes me feel better. If you Google National disability card it will take you to their website it's an easy form to fill in and it's for babies onwards there is no age limit. There is also an Access card which is a different thing but just Google that . It has symbols on for your needs I have the can't queue,WC and plus 1 on mine which is for caere. I am usually out by myself but if my daughter has to take me in an emergency plus if I need a carer in the future go out with me they are covered.

Will be back . Very tired and need to have my lunch and a 😴.

Thank you Crosstitch We went to a family party on Saturday, you'd hardly know she had a broken arm the way she was playing about. Straight out into the garden and on the swing, swinging away with just one hand holding on . She really enjoyed herself and her arm didn't seem to trouble her at all!

That’s kids for you! We worry far more than they do! Hope she soon makes a complete recovery 💐

Smileless they all look so young!
Got me thinking which one was that now, Ithought was someone else. Doh.

Most boroughs have a tree preservation officer or two.

Those trampolines sound like a nightmare.

Yes Smileless two very big trees gone I the last year near me.

Anyway another week. Our council haven’t cut the verges which now circa 18 inches high in grass. An inconvenience to me but probably a boon to all the buzzing insects floating about.

I received an email from my DEsS this last few days.
.

Thankfull, children bounce back quickly especially around their friends.
Sparkly, who is DE & S you have received an email from?
One aspect of estrangement not talked about really, is the
fact that as you age and not so active and are estranged, you seem to be surrounded by friends with loving children who include them in their families so have a supportive network.

I know I shouldn't be putting this on here, but this is the estrangement page and I feel I need to. Got some really upsetting news that will not leave my head, up at 4am as couldn't sleep from thinking of it.

Can't go into detail but my estD H has always told her she's mad and incapable, she never was before she lived with him, so it's him brainwashing her to think she is. He has now given up work to be her career. I remember, before we were cut out, him telling her to go to SS and tell them she was mad and he would then apply to be her full-time career, so this is not new. I said to her, whatever you do, don't say anything like that to SS. She did suffer from depression after having 2 babies 12 months apart.

My ex [her dad] and his brother [her uncle] went to see her on Sunday where they learnt all this. She has been diagnosed as having agoraphobia, they said she was very quiet and withdrawn. Before she was the most outgoing of young women.

They told me more, very upsetting, which I can't repeat.
But did you know: 3 women a week die by suicide as a result of domestic abuse. I have contacted a local help-line to see if anything can be done to help.

Morning everyone.

So pleased you enjoyed the concert last Thursday Whiff and you were well taken care of at the venue and by the taxi driver .

Your GD's very plucky Yogin, getting back on a swing so soon after breaking her arm. We forget how fearless we were when we were children don't we.

That is one aspect of estrangement that we don't often talk about Allsorts and is something that we often struggle with as DS is so far away in Aus. We're both active but it's something we worry about as we look ahead which is why we drastically downsized last year and are glad we moved here.

We've made a new network of friends here two in particular, but it's not the same as knowing you have that supportive family network if and when needed .

Torrential rain during a thunderstorm yesterday evening. It was right overhead at one point and I'm not a lover of thunderstorms especially when Mr. S. isn't here; he was playing bowls.

It was the noise of the rain that bothered our dogs, more than the thunder and lightening because it was deafening as it hit the roof of our lodge. Despite our last house finally being dry for the last year we were there, worrying about leaks never left us and had we still been there, I'd have been going around checking that no water was coming in any where. Peace of mind is priceless isn't it and we have that living here.

Some lovely very warm and weather to come this week; a third heat wave!!! We'll have a hosepipe ban for car washing and garden watering starting on Friday; thank goodness we have an outside tap.

Oh Yogin, I saw your post after I'd posted mine. This is terribly distressing news; I'm so sorry dear friend.

Were they able to talk to her without her H around? Do they realise that she's in a coercively controlled abusive relationship?

Your heart must be breaking xx

Smileless I so relate to worrying about water intrusion. We had some years ago and had the gutters replaced. Even though it's been years I still check after heavy rain. We had very heavy rain last night. The sunflowers in the garden look twice as big as yesterday. They loved the rain.

I'm thinking back to what my daughter said about her recent struggles. She told me that "everyone puts themselves into my story" when discussing how coworkers reacted to decisions she made. I do see that in this forum. Some people project their stories into someone else's post. It's good to scroll past those.

I'm enjoying some vacation days but the dogs still get me up before 6 in the morning. They are rascals.

Hope everyone is enjoying their summer.

Oh dear Yogi, just catching up and saw your news, firstly about your GD and now about your estranged daughter. Am so sorry, this must be pulling you apart.
I do wish that those applauding estrangement as a positive move away from ‘toxic parents’ realised that some estranged ACs are in coercive and even abusive relationships.
Sending love ❤️

Yoga, you must be broken hearted. What a vile excuse for a man your sil is. I have never hit anyone in my life, but I could him. . He is a controlling bully. He needs someone to sort him out, someone nastier than him. Does SS know all this. She needs to get away from him. What would happen if you turned up, sat it out tell your d you are going nowhere. Your granddaughter is not safe, how will she be treated by men when older if he is her role model. what is all this doing to her? I would go to a women's refuge and ask them for advice.

FGS!!! I took both shower heads off yesterday to de scale and the LAST thing I said to Mr. S. as he went for a shower this morning was "don't forget to put the shower head back on".

I knew from the noise of the water coming from his bathroom that he'd forgotten. He then appeared wrapped in a towel, ginning like an eejit (as my gran would say), asking me where the shower head is; it was on the corner of the bath.

A combination of 'man listening' and 'man looking' . Oh well, it gave us both a good laugh .

Thank you Smiles Allsorts and Babs

I got a call back from the helpline I had contacted, they advise me to contact SS. I did this earlier and really pleased I did. Told them the whole story from beginning to end. She thanked me for calling, logged everything on their files and said she is going to help, knowing this new info. I said if she/my daughter is not helped I fear the worst. Of course, they knew nothing of all this.

Spent all these years pushing any thoughts of my estD&GC to the back of my mind and now they are right at the front once more. I feel really upset and stressed with all I've just learned about my estD situation.

I still have no contacted details for them, I did send a voicemail to the last number I had for her, 2 ticks, but that doesn't mean she listened to it. I told her to leave him and then her mind would slowly recovery and repeated what I've always said; that we love her and will help her. They have moved about 5mins away, so her nearest park would be mine!

Dear Yogin, so pleased that you contacted SS and that you feel a little bit better for doing so.

It wont be easy for her after years of indoctrination which has only been possible because he and his family worked on her until she eventually estranged the family that truly love her, but knowing that despite everything, you're there for her with the love that's always been there will, I hope and pray, enable her to break free xx

Yogin So sorry to hear about your daughter. I am so glad you have spoken to SS and that they listened. Thinking of you; so painful for you 💐

Allsorts my Estranged Dear Son.

Sparkly, if he is estranged does the e mail mean a breakthrough ?
Yoga, it's strange they have moved 5 minutes from you? Also how has her father and his brother who obviously know her address and can visit, not done something? They would surely want her away from that man. They have first hand information and yet left it to you. Be careful Yoga, you are so vulnerable, after all this time and all you have been through I am worried for you. I do hope SS resoect your annonominity.

Thank you Madgran

Allsorts It's all kicked off in the family. My DD asked me to call her asap when I got home yesterday evening. The way she started off the conversation I thought my estD had done something awful, but turned out my ex & b.i.l were/are mad as hell at me for contacting SS, I have been taken off our family 'whatsapp' group.

They were told that the SS rushed round to them with the police because of my conversation with SS. I don't believe this and will contact SS to find out the truth. My sis.i.l seemed to think it was a text message from my estD, but of course it could easily have been her H deeming it from her.

I phoned my b.i.l, twice, he did not answer. I txt to explain I just wanted someone to look out for my estD. I'm very upset today, couldn't sleep again. I don't think the most hard hearted mother could ignore their child in such terrible circumstances.

Yogi any mother, especially a mother who feels powerless due to estrangement, would do what you did, what else could you do??
I doubt very much the police would go round mob handed with the the SS, in fact the SS are renown for being very careful and measured in situations like this. Sounds fishy to me, someone trying to make you feel guilty, but you shouldn’t feel bad about this Yogi, stay strong, your estD needs a voice out there even if she is turning a deaf ear.

Yoga, you did what you were advised to do on the helpline and what most of us would do. You are not in the wrong. There is something not right about its as this, its as if you have been set up. Good riddance to the group you have been banned from as well, how any mother would not be worried and yet they have no sympathy for you, they are not worth bothering. How dare your ex tell you not to be bothered when it came from him in the first place makes me think this is a set up. It all camej from him and his brother. Look at it this way. Either someone has lied about SS turning up as they would not tell the family it was you that reported it and certainly would not involve the police so heavily handed. Alternatively its trouble mongering.
Your d would contact you directly if she wanted to leave her partner, you've told and shown her often enough you love her.
Someone could have worked out whom you are on here.
Look after yourself. Keep away from the lot of them, they just mean trouble.
Stop worrying please, leave them to it. You have been so strong and happy for ages, don't let this put you back.💓

Yogin glad your granddaughter isn't letting her broken arm stop her doing what she wants. Children bounce back better than us adults .

Yogin you did the right thing contacting SS but they wouldn't have acted that quickly nor would they involve the police . I fear you have been played . Sorry to say that as the last thing I would want to do is hurt you further than you are. If a person is going to kill themselves they do it no warning you only have to the bereavement threads of people who have had loved ones kill themselves. My old GP's son did. No warning he had a good job his own home was happy no sign he was going to killing himself . He didn't leave a letter explaining why . It destroyed his parents and sister so much they left the country to live in Spain .

Your daughter and son and other family members must be worried sick about you . As they saw what happened when it all started with your estranged daughter and don't want you to go down that path again .

Yogin of course you should put on here what you are going through. We all care about eachother that's why this thread has been going strong all these years . And you are one of the long standing members of a group none of us though would happen to us.

Please don't let this effect your health . You have done all you can . Please I know it will be hard but protect yourself. You know yourself you can't be pulled down again . It's taken you years to get where you are now .

I know you won't want to be please distance yourself there is nothing you can do . If your daughter contacts you don't believe everything she says. I know I have no right to say that and do not give her any money . She's your daughter and you love her . But don't forget all the hurt she has inflected on you .

I know this sounds harsh but I don't want you badly hurt again . Your son and daughter don't want you hurting again . It will hurt them and those who love you to see. And will be angry with your estranged daughter,ex husband and ex brother in law. Never mind how they feel about her husband. You say she has been diagnosed as agoraphobic who said she was is it a reliable source or more mind games.

Sorry this may come out harsh or unfeeling . But I don't want you to hurt more than you are . And would hate if it's all lies and that your estranged daughter will be blaming it all on you . Social services will look into it but like every department they are over stretched and may only contact your estranged daughter by phone and not go and see her . So they may not see what is really going on. Their priority will be the children and if they fear they are in danger they may take them out of the home .

This is worse case scenario. Like I said I have no right to say any of this but I can't stand by and not say what some are thinking .

I haven't read the replies to you posts just your posts. But couldn't not say something.