Support and friendship for those whose lives have been affected by estrangement.

Morning all

Very sorry to read your bad news Babs, hope all goes well at the hospital and that your DH gets home soon. He's not having much luck at the moment is he, let's hope this is the last thing

Well, I finally got through to the lady at SS that I spoke to originally. Had to go round the house to get to speak to her though. She was surprised my b.i.l & ex were angry and asked Why? I said that they are all 'buddies' [due to smoking pot together] and s.i.l is able to hook them in.

She said I should have asked to be anonymous from the start and as I hadn't then the info would be free to give! She couldn't give me any info as all confidential, but said that she hadn't dealt with it, it had been passed on. So, I'll never know, but even so I'm sure the only thing that would have happened would be a phone call to my estD asking how she is as her mother was concerned.

Couldn't get off to sleep again last night, as it was just going round and round in my head; why does her dad & uncle not help her, not see her on her own so she can talk freely to them about her situation. As I've been blocked by them, I can't relay this to them, but I am going to try to send a message to b.i.l tomorrow morning as they are meeting my estD & her H then.

Finishing on a nice note; My GD's 10th birthday today, she is having a party on Saturday, which I will go to, just to keep my DD company. Yesterday, same GD had a play about Shakespear, which I went to and it was really very good.

Yoga If your sil as well as your ex and his brother use cannabis, its likely your d does too, your gd will think that's normal. I don't know anyone that has used it but I do know is a physio active drug with all the associated risks and life changing problems. You can’t get them away from their chosen lifestyle. It is extremely unlikely you or SS can change anything. I wish you could distance.

Sorry Mr Babs is back in hospital. Hopefully they can help him quickly and get him home .

Glad the lady from SS confirmed what I said Yogin as they will not be able to tell you anything..

Yogin you know deep down why your ex and bil aren't doing anything because they don't care. The only thing they care about is hurting you because they know they can. Please take the power back and don't let them . You are a very strong woman who has faced worse and with the help of your son,daughter and granddaughter they will give you the love,caring to find that resilient Yogin again .

I know this is easy for me to say as I had had silence from my son. Which I am glad of.

Look forward to your darling granddaughters 10th birthday party. I hope she had a lovely birthday 🎂 today and glad you enjoyed her Shakespeare show yesterday..

You have done all you can . Contacting your bil will only hurt you more be strong and don't do it. As it will only give them ammunition to use against you .

Your son and daughter must be worried sick about you as they don't want to go back to the early days of estrangement. Seeing you hurt all over again with make them feel helpless to help you but also very angry about their sister and husband causing you pain again . And how their dad and uncle are treating will only make it worse.

I hope you can sleep tonight..

Babs, sorry DH back in hospital, it does sound as if its under control if he can hopefully be home in two days, it’s such a worry how things change so quickly.
Safe journey home Whiff, glad its cooler for you to travel. You are getting quite the seasoned traveller.
Yoga, thoughts are with you.

Morning everyone.

Hope you managed to get some sleep last night Yogin, this is a horrible situation to be in but you have done all that you can .

I knew when I contacted SS about my mum that I'd never hear from my brother again, and I was right. Because of his controlling behaviour and my mum's mental health problems, I never saw her again; she died two years later.

He didn't even tell me himself, got one of my cousins to 'phone me with the news of her death and that there was no money so if we didn't take care of her funeral, he'd contact SS!!! .

It's beyond belief that your D's father and uncle are behaving in this way but there's nothing you can do about it. You have your GD's birthday party tomorrow to look forward too; I hope you'll be able to enjoy it.

Sending love and (((hugs))) Babs. Hope Mr. B. will be back home again soon .

Much better weather for travelling Whiff; have a great time.

Morning all

Allsorts no my estD doesn't smoke pot. I slept well last night, no doubt due to sending my b.i.l a message saying he should be helping and protecting his niece not backing her abusive H and where is her dad in all this, why is he not helping his D. So got it off my chest and out of my mind a bit. No idea if he'll read it though. No doubt at their meet today I will be the main subject to berate!

Thank you Whiff I'll be interested to learn what transpired today at their meet up, but they may be conservative in what they say to my DD and in turn my DD may be careful what she says to me this time, normally she would tell me all. But that's it, no more I can say or do, as I said before, with what I learnt about the black hole my estD was in, I just couldn't sit and do nothing.

Thank you Smiles, so you had a bad situation with SS as well. They let you spill your guts but give nothing back. So sorry to read about your DM & your B acting in a bad way. I remember about all that, when your mum passed. Hope you are over the bad situation now xx

Thank you Yogin, I am. I felt exactly the same way about my mum, that she was in a black hole. Contacting SS was all I could do, just as it's all you can do for your ED. I know it doesn't feel as if it's enough and maybe it isn't but you've done all that you can dear friend xx

Yogin, you have done all you can, what any normal loving mother would do. As long as you are still close to and seeing your d and gd, it is better there is more distance between your ex and his brother. It must be so hard knowing what you do about ed but its out if your hands.
Babs thinking if you and your husband.
Welcome back Whiff after your holiday.
Everyone have a good weekend.

Well raining cats & dogs here.

Thanks Smiles can't think of another organization that would have helped, the Compass help line couldn't do anything. Wondering what went on yesterday. Seeing my DD at 2pm for eldeist GD's birthday party, youngest had to cancel cos of her broken arm, but she'll have one in Sept. when it's healed.

I always got on well with my b.i.l, known him since I was 23yrs. He came to my weddings and I his. As you have said Allsorts better the brothers are not together with this upset as I know my ex, even though we got on well at the surprise party, would have pushed my b.i.l to take me off the family group and block me. Think he doesn't like that I'm still very friendly with my in-laws, going to all the parties and get-togethers, even holidays & of course Xmas.

Have a nice but wet day everyone, no BBQ for you this weekend Smiles

Mr B home but watching him like a hawk, they are hoping the latest bleed will stop but I have to be vigilant for any possible deterioration, he can’t have another CT until 31st July due to doctors strikes and the fact they don’t want to do too many because of the risk of radiation, and they want to give the bleed some time to see if it stops or continues.
Am a bit of a party pooper inasmuch as I love this rainy cooler weather, our garden looks frazzled and the lawn is yellow, also Mr B struggles with the heat.
I agree with Smiles about your situation Yogi, you can only do your best, and am sorry you went through something similar with your Mum Smiles. Anyway am hoping you are back to your wonderful self Yogi and can’t wait to meet up with you and Joey.
Am afraid this week could be fraught.
Hope your enjoyed your time away with your brother and family Whiff, am sure you will have had a well deserved break.
Take care all and thanks for all kind wishes
🙏🏾❤️❤️

Morning all

That's awful Babs that your DH has to wait for another CT scan because of the doctor's strike, anything like that it's vital to be seen to immediately. Yes, the cool weather is refreshing and the rain is much needed. Fingers crossed for your DH xx

Yogin, Babs husband can't have another brain scan just yet because of the risk of radiation.
Hope he is soon home.
We all of us in any situation do the best we can at the time. Sometimes I look back and think with hindsight I found have handled it differently.
Made a decision this morning, this next year I am going to do all the important things I want to. More travelling round uk which I haven't seen enough of for a start, not bothered about abroad now, airports are hellish now.

Can everyone wish a happy birthday to a very special member of this band. I won't name as she doesn't tell when it's her birthday. But she has been estranged as long as Smiles and Yogin. Bet you can guess . Happy birthday 🎂🎈🎁🥂

Yes I can guess.
A very happy birthday 🥳 hope is a relaxing and peaceful day for you.
Lots of love ❤️ xxx

Happy Birthday

I've no wish to traveler abroad either Allorts hate the ordeal at the airports and many beautiful places to visit here in the UK.

Happy Birthday x

Belated birthday wishes, hope you had a lovely day 🎂🎁🍷

Morning all.

Very sad news this morning. My cousin's partner of 8 years has died of pancreatic cancer. He began feeling unwell 8 weeks ago and was diagnosed 4 weeks later. The speed with which it's taken his life is frightening and again reminds us how precious life is and why we must make the most of who and what we have.

Sorry to read your sad news Smiles. Condolences to you and all he's family xx

So sorry Smiles. Thoughts are with you and the rest of the family 🙏🏾❤️❤️

Sad news Smileless. It is very hard for your cousin having his partner snatched away so quickly.. Everyone apart from my husband in my family have had sudden deaths, most after just two weeks after diagnosis. The worst was my mother, so sudden and so young. You are in shock yourself.