People trying to "help"! And my reaction ....

When I was in London with my daughter and her children, my daughter always indicated to me to sit down if there was one seat only available. I sat and then took my six year old grandson on my knee to prevent him from falling over on the train.

I think there are different issues here. I will gratefully accept a seat on a bus or train unless my journey is short.
On the other hand, I find it offensive that so often people assume I cannot use technology just because I am over 70. Only last week at the GP surgery I was told "I don't suppose you have an email?". I started using computers at work in the 1980s and have had a smart phone for around 10 years.

To be honest, I am not flattered if people tell me I look young for my age. It is a claim I would nevr make myself.

When someones tells you you look young for your age they are advertising themselves as a blinkered person, who has unthinkly chained themselves to tired old sterotypes of what older people of specific ages look like and cannot be bothered to actually look at or communicate with older people, to see the immense range and variety of their looks at any given age point.

I do look younger than my years and am more than happy to be told so. I just haven’t conformed to the very short hair, no makeup and beige clothes beloved of so many of my age.

I think you are all being very harsh to OP. She didn't say she did answer back in a snappy way as she knew that would be seen as bitchy but she felt demeaned by some of the help offered as it offended her as she says 'tries to act and look as youthful as possible'. Just be a bit more empathetic you lot.

Maybe we're reading too much into this. Maybe it's being self-centred to imagine that the 'helpers' have any point of view about the person they've helped. They don't think 'poor old woman', they see a person who's fallen over.

I absolutely agree with this. We think people are far more aware of us than they generally really are, and what we perceive of as our short-comings loom far greater in our own minds than they do in others.

I am always grateful if someone offers help. Before Christmas I was out shopping and felt exhausted. I stopped for a rest leaning against a bollard and a young man came out of the shop across the road, he actually worked there, and came over to see if I needed any help or if I was unwell. I was very touched that he cared enough for a stranger to offer assistance.

Germanshepherdsmum

I do look younger than my years and am more than happy to be told so. I just haven’t conformed to the very short hair, no makeup and beige clothes beloved of so many of my age.

Well said GMS.

I agree about very short hair on older women. No thanks, I’ll stick with my bob style and cut and colour every six weeks which suits me. I don’t really like very long, grey hair on older women either.
I guess it’s each to their own.
I wear make up too.

My hair's been short for years - I look like a wild woman if it's longer! Rain, damp, wind, heat, humidity and it does it's own thing.

Sleek bob? Forget it except perhaps for five minutes after struggling with it for half an hour after washing 😁

TreeLover
I don’t think we are being harsh. The OP told us exactly what she thought of people who tried to help her.
She may not have voiced it but she certainly thought it.

No grey yet though 😁

I turned down the offer of help today when my gardener offered to climb up the bank to cut of some brambles.
My reply was that I had to prove to myself that I could and I did. Metal hips working well
I was glad of a bit of help down though

Oh dear, you do sound like you’re Stalin some days and I honestly believe people are just being kind and think they’re helping. A brief smile and a no thank you will suffice

I don’t wear make u very often, but I have my shoulder length hair cut and coloured and keep to a good skin care regime and wear what I want! I’m a grandmother but not an old hill Billy granny!

I'm fine with that if they don't say 'bless'.

Callistemon21

No grey yet though 😁

I'm now grey, frizzy, greasy, and with bald patches thrown in, just for good measure.

Why so angry, one day you may need help, any of us might, for now you don’t and this is good. Also good you get on with life. Just say, very kind if you, but I’m fine thank you. Offering help
Is not rude and used to be seen as a good thing. How is the helper being patronising?

I am ashamed to say that I reacted in a similar way in the supermarket once. I usually use the self checkout and take my own bags which always need checking by staff before I can start scanning. I usually just wait patiently, say “thank you “ when they are approved and carry on. This time a member of staff that I hadn’t seen before came, approved the bags and then proceeded to try to show me how to scan. I told him that I was fine and that I didn’t need any more help, but he continued to “show “me! I have to admit that I then snapped at him until he went away. Not only do I know how to scan, but I used to work in M&S so I know about the inner workings of self checkout tills.

Why do the younger generation (under 50s!) think that all oldies are IT illiterate?
I am a silver haired 75 year old and recently went to a well known shop to but a new laptop. I was treated as if I was a complete idiot by the salesperson.
Having worked in IT in various technical roles, and mildly annoyed by his attitude, I started asked complicate technical questions. He didn’t know the answers and still tried to patronise me. I suggested he asked a manager for the answers but he declined. I left the shop, commenting that I would but me laptop from someone who knew what he was talking about.

MissAdventure 👍 Not having grey hair, if natural, is not a sign of good health, as I can unfortunately testify, neither is “looking young” for that matter.

When patronised I usually say I may be old but not thick!

If people are 'snappy' when offered help then soon those of us who do need it will find that no one will offer any more for fear of being snubbed.

I have always accepted assistance when offered if I needed it and politely refused if I didn't. Good manners cost nothing.

petra

What a shame with all that education you weren’t taught manners.

So with you on that comment! I’m always extremely grateful for any offers of help, travel a lot to London, trains, tubes and buses, it’s mostly young men who carry bags up and down steps for me, I always say thanks very much, you’re mum must be very proud of you, both of us walk off with a smile on our faces.

People offering help and finding themselves snapped at or treated rudely may well think twice about offering help to another person who is in dire need.
I am grateful for any offer of help, it makes me think that the real world isn't as bad as we read about in the newspapers every day. If you don't want/need help a gracious thank you for the offer is all that's needed.