Eureka! I have discovered the cloak of invisibility!

keepingquiet

I once went on a rant to a young man behind a bar. I wasn't even that old- probably in my early fifties. The place wasn't busy but he never even noticed me. I gave him such a telling off I hope he never forgot it!!

It was probably down to being past "sex bomb" age (that's my polite way to put it for the purposes of the forum LOL).

It varies from person to person and I notice that the pressure is on to "be attractive" up to about 60 these days (ie the goalposts have moved) but I think I must have been in my 40's when I realised a man I was on a blind date with obviously thought he was "out of my league" and I was sitting there thinking "You're right that one of us is on an outa the league date - but it's you matey" - with his ordinary job, beer belly stomach and receding hair and had clearly never had any looks even when younger.

That was the point at which I realised I was going to start getting attempts to treat me worse than I'd been used to and that might apply generally with men (and not just the ones I viewed as potential dates). Yep......lots of us become "invisible" when we get older....and we're no longer regarded as "potential dates - or otherwise".

I started to realise at that point that, as I couldnt put the clock back, I was going to have to be "stronger" in order to get my "place in the queue" etc - rather than shoved backwards or totally overlooked.

Some years ago,I went to a local car dealership as I was intending to replace my car with a new one and paying in full and no finance. Some spiv wearing a cheap suit and having a bad attitude offered me a pittance for my 3 yr old car but only if I bought one of three specific models in the showroom. I asked for a test drive in one……..his response……” only if you sign a finance agreement now “! I refused and said no to the finance, I didn’t want it or need it and he told me to go home and talk to my husband!
I never did go back and at the time I didn’t have a husband anyway although I did complaint to the dealership head office and was offered a voucher by recompense………… £20 worth of fuel if I bought one of their cars! 🤣🤣🤣🤣

How wierd to say "No finance means no test drive". I did try learning to drive recently (unsuccessfully in the event - darn it) but there was no problem with getting offered a test drive (though I had one of the staff in the other front seat just in case!). Yep...I did have a licence - as I had learnt before decades ago - and then never done so/forgotten everything.

They knew I wasnt saying anything about finance - and I just paid the lot as a card payment when I did decide to buy the car.

Though there was absolutely no chance of treating me as a "woman" and not a "person" - no husband/no wedding ring/etc and probably a more independent attitude than they were used to. Think they'd got a little clue on the independent attitude when I handed them one of the "business cards" I've had printed for my contact details since moving to Wales (so I don't have to spell half the address out) and I've got my title on it (ie "Ms" - not Miss or Mrs). When they see that title that seems to tell them straight off "This is an independent person. Treat worse as a woman at your peril....."

Nik1ta

That behaviour would not go down well with the manufacturers as their adverts for new cars are now targeted at women, who they believe are most important in choosing a car.

Yes, but they believe that mainly in the context of "Oh, let's buy that one Henry, it's so pretty - and there is even room for the kids and my mother". (Henry, of course, is mainly looking at it's "Macho Man" rating but doesn't want to be banished to sleeping on the sofa indefinitely, so agrees).

Astitchintime

Some years ago,I went to a local car dealership as I was intending to replace my car with a new one and paying in full and no finance. Some spiv wearing a cheap suit and having a bad attitude offered me a pittance for my 3 yr old car but only if I bought one of three specific models in the showroom. I asked for a test drive in one……..his response……” only if you sign a finance agreement now “! I refused and said no to the finance, I didn’t want it or need it and he told me to go home and talk to my husband!
I never did go back and at the time I didn’t have a husband anyway although I did complaint to the dealership head office and was offered a voucher by recompense………… £20 worth of fuel if I bought one of their cars! 🤣🤣🤣🤣

If a showroom has an "arrangement" with a finance firm they really prefer you to use the finance as they not only get the profit on the car, they can also get a cut from the Finance Company. The same thing happens with Estate Agents. They will sometimes ignore a higher, no mortgage, offer in favour of a lower offer with one of "their" mortgages as they will make more money from the sale. It is against the Estate Agents Code of practice, but profit is profit...

May just be me but often feel I wear a cloak of invisibility on Gransnet.
Must just be a very boring contributor 🤨

Babs03

May just be me but often feel I wear a cloak of invisibility on Gransnet.
Must just be a very boring contributor 🤨

You certainly aren't boring. I think a lot of people feel the same. I do read the threads I'm interested in and may not respond to all but doesn't mean I don't find the posts are valid and interesting.

Very kind of you to say so.

I’ve got two looks, my invisible one (which I quite enjoy as no trouble) i.e. specs on, anorak, jeans, baseball hat, no make up etc. and glammed up. I do pretty good glammed up even if I say so myself.
I get better service and more attention glammed up. I’m not invisible obviously. I imagine smartly dressed men find it’s the same for them too. (Not that our appearance should affect good customer service, but that’s how it is).

I can’t say I’ve ever been ignored, I bought my car five years ago, although my husband was there, all dialogue was with me through to payment.
I’m 5’11” and usually a smiling soul, maybe the height helps.

Babs03, you aren't invisible, nor was your post. I thought " I don't think I would have had the courage to say that" when I first read it.

Thanks Aely, maybe not as invisible as I feel sometimes then 🌹

At a West End theatre, at the bar before the show. They had a good system in theory; you could order drinks a few days before. But, you then had to present yourself at the bar to pay. This was about 10 years ago, I hope the system has improved now.
I was right at the front but the bar man served those to the left and right of me first. I began waving my cash at him! When he looked over my head to serve the man behind me, my husband, who had been to the gents and was now at the back of the room shouted that I was next. The man behind me agreed and said he was about to protest too that I was next.
It took the shine of a lovely evening.

Having already had a rubbish day, the final straw came when a doorstep salesman asked if he could speak to the head of the house. I abruptly told him he was speaking to the head of the house. Never seen such a sharp embarrassed exit

A few years ago I was shopping in Asda, I was at the fish counter, the guy who was serving was talking to a man, who I thought was a customer, but apparently not, because another man came up to the counter, stood in front of me, the guy who was serving turned to him and asked what he would like, I said ,,,excuse me I'm next, I've been here for ages, no your not ,he said , this customer's next, I turned to the girl packing the shelves and asked her if she could see me ,or was I invisible..the guy serving then asked what I wanted, I told him I WAS going to buy salmon, but told him where he could shove it , then walked off and reported him. I never saw him at that counter again..

Babs03 I always think your posts are interesting.

Why does anyone feel they’re invisible on a forum? Actually we all are!😁but our opinions are here for anyone to see.I don’t expect to be answered or even agreed with tho it sometimes happens, it doesn’t matter at all.

I think as women, especially older women men seem to be biologically programmed not to rate us, always putting another man first.

Being old as well as female doesn't help either .
I'm tired of being spoken to like an idiot .

I have to say that when I have bought cars, yes, even last year at my age, I have been treated with the utmost respect.

This is a funny old thread.
So many people think the answer to being ignored is to be just as rude back.

I'm not sure that's the answer really.

Most of these are about car showrooms. I wonder how many men have been ignored in the past when buying (say) knitting yarn or cake decorating products?

Just a thought.

I don’t think that men are ignored anywhere! In the bar, the car showroom or in any shop at all.

Esmay

Being old as well as female doesn't help either .
I'm tired of being spoken to like an idiot .

I've just decided there's advantages to having to wear glasses.

Way back when I used to think "I'd be more attractive without them - wish I didnt have to wear them" (nope I couldnt get on with contact lenses).

Now I see the advantages of wearing them - as one is automatically more likely to be taken as intelligent (ie "Don't pass her over and ignore her for a man"). Some pennies take a long time to drop. Having finally had them drop - note to self "Must wear my glasses around the house too when workmen come round for anything". I've been wondering why it's harder with workmen - it could be because I don't need my glasses particularly for just being in my house and so I don't wear them. I've been wondering too what the explanation was for the fact it took so long/so much effort for my troublesome neighbours to take me seriously and stop being such a nuisance (ie they usually see me without my glasses too).

Sorted - glasses at all times in future (even in my house) if there's someone around. You can't miss my glasses - they're very academic type looking ones and not "feminine little things".

Goes off kicking my own arse for not realising that may be helpful sooner.

😂

Babs03

May just be me but often feel I wear a cloak of invisibility on Gransnet.
Must just be a very boring contributor 🤨

Me too. Often but by not always.

I also find that I write something and further down the thread somebody, better known than me, makes the same point and is greeted by a chorus of approval and yellow handclaps.