Limericks - 3

There was an old man with two whiskers!!
Who liked to try on ladies knickers

French fancies or thong
While singing a song
He wore them when throwing the discus.

His wife thought it was very strange

His wife thought it was very strange
What she’d tidy, he’d just re-arrange

There was an old man with two whiskers!!
Who liked to try on ladies knickers
French fancies or thong
While singing a song
He then went to tea at the vicar's.

There once was a sweet young colleen

Oops, too slow, sorry!

His wife thought it was very strange
What she’d tidy, he’d just re-arrange
Her lingerie drawer

His wife thought it was very strange
What she’d tidy, he’d just re-arrange
Her lingerie drawer,
The cupboards, and more

His wife thought it was very strange
What she’d tidy, he’d just re-arrange
Her lingerie drawer,
The cupboards, and more
And then the wardrobes - for a change.

He'd then go and vacuum the garden

He'd then go and vacuum the garden,
But before this obsession could harden

He'd then go and vacuum the garden,
But before this obsession could harden
His next odd idea

He'd then go and vacuum the garden,
But before this obsession could harden
His next odd idea
To quell his wife's fear

He'd then go and vacuum the garden,
But before this obsession could harden
His next odd idea
To quell his wife's fear
Was to burp and never say 'pardon'.

I'm going to eat Pizza today

I'm going to eat Pizza today
In a most unusual way

I'm going to eat Pizza today
In a most unusual way
With a dollop of jam

I'm going to eat Pizza today
In a most unusual way
With a dollop of jam
While shouting "Biff! Wham!"

And rolling around in the hay

I once knew a chap called Peter

I once knew a chap called Peter
Who came to read the gas meter

I once knew a chap called Peter
Who came to read the gas meter
It's high up on a shelf

I once knew a chap called Peter
Who came to read the gas meter
It's high up on a shelf
And was the height of an elf

I once knew a chap called Peter
Who came to read the gas meter
It's high up on a shelf
And was the height of an elf
So up on a chair he did teeter

I really must get a hair cut

I really must get a hair cut
I prefer it longer but

I really must get a hair cut
I prefer it longer but,
It's a devil to dry

I really must get a hair cut
I prefer it longer but,
It's a devil to dry
And it gets in my eye

I really must get a hair cut
I prefer it longer but,
It's a devil to dry
And it gets in my eye
And I can't do my hair with my eyes shut

I'd love to spend all day in bed

I'd love to spend all day in bed
It's getting up I really dread

I'd love to spend all day in bed
It's getting up I really dread
I’d stay on Gransnet

I'd love to spend all day in bed
It's getting up I really dread
I’d stay on Gransnet
And on horses I'd bet