Limericks 13

The mirror tells me I’m a mess
I agree I have to confess
Hair like a straw bale
I'm like a beached whale
So I'll have to start eating less

Will that help me find a young man

Will that help me find a young man
But if not I have a game plan

Will that help me find a young man
But if not I have a game plan
Some men need a mum

Will that help me find a young man
But if not I have a game plan
Some men need a muM
So it's fine just plum

Will that help me find a young man
But if not I have a game plan
Some men need a mum
So it's fine, just plum
I know of a young hunk called Dan.

How shall I make his acquaintance?

How shall I make his acquaintance?
Go starkers and scale o'er his fence? (the Limerick police will be on to me ?)

How shall I make his acquaintance?
Go starkers and scale o'er his fence?
Attention seeking

How shall I make his acquaintance?
Go starkers and scale o'er his fence?
Attention seeking
Dab hand at peeking

How shall I make his acquaintance?
Go starkers and scale o'er his fence?
Attention seeking
Dab hand at peeking
But lacking in good , common sense.

There once was a post from Laugharne

Not post, ,

There once was a poet from Laugharne

There once was a poet from Laugharne
Who sat on a rock in Loch Earn

There once was a poet from Laugharne
Who sat on a rock in Loch Earn
A haggis he ate

There once was a poet from Laugharne
Who sat on a rock in Loch Earn
A haggis he ate
Went home quite late

There once was a poet from Laugharne
Who sat on a rock in Loch Earn
A haggis he ate
And went home quite late
To his cosy bed in his barn

A flourishing florist from Frome (pronciation test)

A flourishing florist from Frome
Sighed and cried, she'd so little room

A flourishing florist from Frome
Sighed and cried, she'd so little room
To show her Sweet William

A flourishing florist from Frome
Sighed and cried, she'd so little room
To show her Sweet William
To the Judge, Miss Miriam

A flourishing florist from Frome
Sighed and cried, she`d so little room
To show her Sweet William
To the judge, Miss Miriam
Who looked and cried "Oh, va-va- voom!

We live on a nice river bank

We live on a nice river bank
The boats that pass look dark and dank

We live on a nice river bank
The boats that pass look dark and dank
In need of bright paint

We live on a nice river bank
The boats that pass look dark and dank
In need of bright paint
The sun makes it faint

We live on a nice river bank
The boats that pass look dark and dank
In need of bright paint
The sun makes it faint
But as for my last boat - it sank.

Old Uncle George was a sailor

Old Uncle George was a sailor
Was first mate on an old whaler

Old Uncle George was a sailor
Was first mate on an old whaler
But his old sea legs

Old Uncle George was a sailor
Was first mate on an old whaler
But his old sea legs
Craved more kegs