Feeling a lot of pain! :-(

Just gotta keep calm , stable and look after myself

It is NOT easy by any means but my focus is seeing my Grandson content and happy with me in my lovely cozy house I will be moving into

The move is a positive step and I feel one which will help me enormously ie it IS my ''dream cottage'' on a picturesque tree lines quiet residential road and the house is old and charming , always called it my ''Granny cottage'' and still do!

It is imperative I keep myself well , so now the e-mail is in asking for the decision to be looked at again I can relax for a while as well as take all your wonderful advice on board for the next stages...

You have all been MOST helpful

It is hard not to feel victimised in this but am going to keep a steady head with crystal clear vision of my aim ie the complete happiness and future happiness of my DGS

It will be difficult for them to ask my Grandson who he wants to stay with , but he is often saying ''Nannys house'' and the workers at the respite centre have heard him say it to me and have fully witness the bond we have between each other on visits

It's hard to be 'watched' on supervised visits but I just relax and be myself and be as natural as ever with my Grandson , not going to be tense or fake as I feel that would count against me too , so natural is always best I reckon and it's his GRANNY he loves to be with , not someone who is fake with him or tense around him because of the circumstances

I like to think the truth will come out in the end :-) xxx

Keep strong nannynoo!

Not having a strong couple of days :-( :-(

I rang a family legal advice line on Wednesday and told them my situation and they did not come across as 'hopeful' for my case

They also said that even if the court grants me the right to APPLY for eg a SGO that it was still up to SS in the end , would anyone tell me if this is true please as I left the call feeling confused and a bit hopeless

I also tried to get a family law solicitor whose office said they would get back to me the same day if a solicitor can take on my case , no one got back to me :-(

The lady I talked to was cold and unconcerned

Then I visited my Grandson the next day , 2 hours of heaven , then the hell of saying goodbye when he is SO DISTRESSED at leaving time , it is getting HARDER and harder for me to leave him as the weeks go on...

Please would you offer any sort of support and good advice for my case as I am only a human being at the end of the day , usually a strong one but the 'hopeless' feeling of my case set in even though deep down I do not think it is hopeless when I reach out for good legal advice etc it seems hopeless as there is no one taking on my case and giving me any sort of inspiration to win , just the opposite actually and it started getting me down again at a time when I want to keep myself strong and well but missing my Grandson so much is really getting to me too

Please help x

My DD is fine , really well and positive , she does not seem worried or concerned at all about getting her son back

I am the one who is more concerned and do not believe it will be as easy as she thinks

It feels so unfair that the 2 people who did nothing wrong to deserve this are suffering so much , my DGS does not drink and did no wrong but is suffering being away from his family , I do not drink and did no wrong just did my best in the situation and still am but I am suffering a great deal in this being separated from my DGS who I love dearly actually I adore him and want him to be safe and well and happy as he is with me always

You would think my DD hasn't got a care in the world! Or perhaps she is just dealing with it better than me , I actually think the reality of the situation has not set in for her yet and I know she too is going to have some 'rough days' in the future and is going to need some support and lots of it...

It's early days in some ways , nothing can be rushed and I don't want it to but it is just so hard being away from my DGS and there are at least 2 innocent people suffering here due to my daughters drinking and the drinker herself does not seem to be worried or concerned at all

Hang on in there Nannynoo. There are other solicitors. Perhaps CAB could advise or give you a list?

but am going to keep a steady head with crystal clear vision of my aim ie the complete happiness and future happiness of my DGS

Remember what you said previously.

Fingers and toes crossed that it all works out well for you both.

Thank you , I am not giving up , I cannot give up on him

It just gets hard sometimes

I have to get some proper legal advice and a GOOD solicitor , would be nice to find one with some compassion , caring and passion! :-)

It is difficult not to ''blame'' my DD sometimes as I know ''blaming'' doesn't help but sometimes I DO feel angry with her as my DGS and I did NOT put ourselves in this situation , my daughters drinking did

Just hope she stays focused and stays off the drink now , just missing 3 visits , turning up to one under the influence and leaving early to rest it off plus not doing the requirements of the pre court letter by the deadlines , it is not looking good as of yet

I can't help feeling I am being penalised for my DD's drinking

I am not a criminal , have always cared for him well , had him freely before for weekends , school holidays and he was always content , safe and happy :-)

SS were putting strong pressure on me to have my DGS when my DD went into hospital , it was me who said NO for the first time in my life , but that was ONLY because I was exhausted and had reached the end of my rope

I never had a break or asked for respite when looking after my DD and DGS for 5 months solid - I think it may have been burn out , so my DGS being in a respite centre is appropriate in some ways to give me a break till I get on my feet and can have him , was already ready to have him every weekend which is now not allowed

To be told NO you can't have your DGS for weekends , you can ONLY see him for 2 hours once a week makes me feel like I have done something wrong when I honestly haven't

How do I PROVE to SS that I would NOT EVER compromise my DGS's placement by being too soft with my DD??? I would NOT 'sneak her in' would NOT even let her know my new address if this keeps my DGS free from any distress and 100% WOULD phone the police if my DD turned up on my doorstep , penalised for being ''too soft'' when I wouldn't be and without any way of proving it seems unfair to be honest , an ASSUMPTION has been made which is inaccurate and even my DD said ''Mum you would NEVER do anything to risk ( her sons ) placement'' even she knows that

There have been a lot of assumptions made which are not based on FACTS but 'predictions' but how can anyone really predict the future accurately even if you are Mystic Meg! lol

I feel angry I am being separated from my DGS unnecessarily - I KNOW SS see it as ''necessary'' but I actually DISAGREE - I had him for weekends and school holidays and many times before and what has changed for me? A tragic loss which I am dealing with well and my DD's drinking getting worse to the point of perhaps needing supervised visits but I have been honest with everyone and what has her drinking got to do with my capabilities , my strictness and my trustworthyness??

The only things that have changed for ME are the loss of my baby Granddaughter and exhaustion after looking after my DD and DGS full time for 5 months and JUST needing time to rest , recuperate and grieve of course which I have done & am still doing to the point of being ready a couple of weeks ago to have my DGS weekends at least but not to be allowed to even do that and leave him there crying and screaming when I leave is that REALLY in his best interests?

nanny I do sympathise with your circumstances although cannot give any advice with regard to the solicitor other than to keep ringing different ones up until you find one that will take you seriously and be more accommodating to your position. There will be someone out there that will do this, you just have to keep at it and find them.

As regards to the SS, in my opinion it is best to do as they say and not show that you are upset about how things are at present. It is a waiting game with them. You will get him back if you just play it their way and not show you're upset. Say to yourself, a mantra if you will, that you have done nothing wrong and he will come back to be with you, and believe it. Keep your spirits up, rest, eat well and look after yourself. Be kind to yourself.

You haven't said too much about your DD. Where is she living? Do you see her often? Is she getting some help with her drinking? The ultimate goal I take it is for her to get her son back? Or is this not on the cards for the foreseeable?

Keep us informed. Take care.

Thanks Rubylady , you are right , I HAVE to work WITH SS and I do want to I honestly do , we need to work together for my DGS's best interests and I have to SHOW them I mean business and have his best interests at heart and at all times - I must NOT soften!!!

It is hard , my DD just turned up and she had her phone stolen from the nail shop..

Hard not to be there for her , but she has been drinking today , I can tell , and driving too!!! I wonder how ALERT she was in the nail shop , she said one minute her phone was beside her , next minute it was gone , they are fast though , thieves!!! But obviously I wonder if she would have been more compos mentis if she had NOT been drinking!

She has gone straight up to bed now but I am going to have a word with her at the right opportunity about the fact that we are going to have to start separating from each other soon...

It is hard because who has she always turned to in difficulties , Mum of course! But if I am ''there for her'' always now it will not be seen as I am ''there for my DGS'' which I AM - He IS my priority and if she thinks it is hard NOW it is only going to get HARDER to remain off the drink and face all the uncomfortable feelings which will go with being sober and staying sober

I am prepared for some extremely difficult phone calls in the future with her in crisis but I CANNOT just drop everything and go to her or her come to mine - I HAVE to concentrate on my DGS , he has been through ENOUGH already and so have I with her drinking..

I can ''support her from a distance'' hopefully but I cannot let her situation get me down , it is her responsibility to get the HELP she needs and there are drinklines and even Samaritans 24 hours a day if she is having a bad night

She does not seem to think she NEEDS help at the moment though , she thinks she is in control , she says she is ''doing well'' because she has not had any vodka for well over a week ''just beers'' but beers is still alcohol

The pre court hearing might shock her into action next week , she says she is determined to get her son back but she needs to reach out for the help she needs and admit she needs help and I can't help her come off the alcohol she has to truly do that for herself however tough it is going to be and it is going to be TOUGH but I have to be STRONG and my no will mean no nomatter how harsh or cruel it seems it will be for her own good in the end

I am not comfortable knowing she has been drinking and driving today

I feel it is my responsibility to alert the authorities

I cannot cover it up

Will have a word with my local police station and see what they say

I need to see how much of the vodka is gone , she may have drunk some when she went up to bed but I need an idea at least , will have a look in her bag in a minute , the problem is she took her bag upstairs so not sure how much she had while she was out and how much she had here , but at least if I get some advice and report it I feel I will be doing my civil duty

I think you should definitely do as iam64 says. Get a solicitor. Exactly as iam says in her post of Sun 24-Aug-14 09:44:53.

I would think that is extremely important.

Poor little boy.

The police officer said it is difficult to guage now but if she gets into the car tonight to let them know

I know she won't because she is sleeping but I have to see how she is tomorrow and of course must advise her not to drive with alcohol in her system tomorrow and guage how she is and if I feel she is under the influence or rather over the limit I have to ring them with her registration number

I don't actually want this on my doorstep and of course nor do SS but I hope I acted responsibily enough? This is a first for me!!!

I feel because she is in my home and with the information I have I could not just ignore it , these are probably the situations SS are talking about but I did it as a responsible citizen with the information I had and the 1/4 vodka bottle was empty when I checked..

They gave me a CAD number and said I had to let SS know , they will probably say I should not have let her in the house but I did not realise she had been drinking and driving till she came upstairs and to kick her out would put the public at risk! x

She literally talked to me for less than 5 minutes about her phone being stolen then disappeared upstairs and fell asleep in my bed!!!

I don't actually WANT to be in this situation!!

I really don't! :-( :-(

It does now seem that your DD knows where you are living and you should be prepared for this to present a complication in relation to your wish to have custody of your GS. I would guess that it is just this sort of scenario that has been worrying SS.

I can understand you wanting to care for your grandson, but your daughter has been allowed into your home, despite the fact that you said you were determined this would not happen. Now that you have relented, she may well, in the future, turn up at any time in a distressed or drunken state and demand you let her in. You would find it physically and emotionally difficult to deal with, and any sort of disturbance or disagreement between you would surely upset and unsettle your grandson.

For the time being at least, wouldn't it be better if your grandson is cared for by an experienced foster carer, with arrangements made for you to see him on a regular basis. If your daughter manages to overcome her alcoholism, presumably the social services would review the matter.

I think there has been some sort of misunderstanding here

I am moving home in approx 3-4 weeks time , my DD does NOT have my new address and there is NO WAY I would let her in to my new address if she found out where I lived and agree it is best to have supervised visits elsewhere

SS already know my DD visits my current address

Anyway , today I have been feeling RELIEF , the situation is I feel relief that my DD and I have separated

Today is the first day in a LONG time I have felt like MYSELF again

Since the 2 bereavements in March when my DD started drinking heavily the stress and strain on me has been phenomenal! It might sound bad but it is a relief to have my DD out of my life until she is back to her usual self ie drink FREE

I need to step away for that to happen and I actually think it is better for my well being to do so , have realised that now , it was a SHOCK today when I suddenly started feeling like my old self again after 6 months of extreme , prolonged and full on STRESS which is what someone elses drinking brings into your life

I am now free to concentrate on myself and my DGS which is what is needed

My previous postings did explain that it is my new address that she does not have and will not have and that I am 100% willing NOT to give that information to her

I have told this to SS and explained any measures I would take to safeguard my DGS from any distress if she did ever turn up at my address

There is no problem with her turning up even at this address now which is better for all concerned at this point xx

No hard feelings for the misunderstanding though!! x

You do sound very fragile at the moment. Perhaps it is for the best for the little boy to be settled in a good foster home for the time being. Maybe in a while SS will think again when they see how well you are progressing yourself.

I wish all the best for you and the little boy.

I think after what I have been through over the past 6 months I am actually pretty STRONG

A friend told me today that she admires me!

I think now I have separated from my DD I will take huge steps forward pretty quickly

I don't know where all the support has gone , but I think it may be time for me to leave this forum , thanks xx

Still here Nannynoo.

I can understand your relief at having separated from your DD - although I suspect she may still turn up. But you are a strong person and I think a very determined one.

The house move will take enough of your energy if you've only got a few weeks to go. Time to relax a bit and build up your physical reserves? You need to look fit and controlled to work with SS. Trawl through for a good solicitor, get yourselves set up in your new home, keep up your contact with your DGS, be a steady rock, and then resume your 'attack'.

You are a swan. Serene, controlled and very determined!

Good Luck.

I know how stressful this would be for anyone in your position, you can be proud of yourself for getting stronger. Being no expert, the only advice I could give would be to make sure that you stress to the authorities that it is your DGS's needs which come first, and play down your own.
I hope to hear good news eventually, do keep coming on here for support. It is still here! Any comments you may feel are critical can still be useful and give you food for thought when planning your strategy.
Onwards and upwards, with the strength of Gnetters behind you!

Good post "shysal". Agree absolutely !

I feel like I have been on a roller coaster and I want to get off now! lol

The roller coaster should be called ''life with a drinker'' as it is NO EASY RIDE

It is AMAZING how back to myself I feel when detached from my DD and I want to keep it like this for my OWN sake let alone my DGS's sake!

I had a word with her and told her I need time to myself and it was too much for me to be torn in the middle of my DGS and her as I can't ''see to both'' it is too much for me and if I am worrying about and concentrating on her it DISTRACTS me from my DGS - I nearly cried when I was trying to explain the STRAIN it puts me under being torn in two like this , so she agrees we have to be set free from each other , me to stay on my feet and be and remain well for my DGS's sake too and her to go out there and get the professional help she needs and to do it for herself

I had an email from SS - They are REVIEWING my assessment and are setting up a meeting to discuss its contents and recommendations so it is looking MUCH more hopeful now!

I just have to show them there is no need for their concerns and put a plan of action into place if my DD breaks the rules as it were

I told my DD we had to separate and she agreed but then started just randomly ''popping round'' which she didn't used to do , she started just turning up unannounced so I had a chat with her and told her it had to stop and why

She has her pre court meeting tomorrow and I advised her to be honest with SS and to work with them to come up with a plan and to stick to it

I just hope she comes out of this the other end and conquers her demons for good , but the rest is up to her now! x

I move home in 2 weeks time :-)

It is my DREAM little Granny cottage lol

I am going to concentrate on me and if I am going to be home based a lot am going to make sure I get to RELAX at home and do nice things for myself in the daytime etc

Am gonna buy one of those bubble jet jacuzzi mats you put in the bath , so soothing and pampering and I love antiques so am going to go bargain antique hunting and get a couple of nice pieces for my new home , it is an old railwaymans cottage so will be ''in keeping''

I love gardening so if the weather is nice will start pottering around out there and am going to paint a mural on the garden wall as am quite 'arty' and love it

I find I am loving my TEA more and more , it is a real pleasure! lol

And am just going to ''keep going'' and not worry as the TRUTH comes out in the end and I do even have my DD's best interests at heart in this as she needs to sort her drinking out for herself! x