Haven't been on here for a while...

The main foci of the work is OBSERVATION , so are you saying all the others who have been working there for many years are not doing their job right because they DON'T chat much with us , some NONE AT ALL because they are doing their job which is to observe and write notes not interact with us and form a positive relationship with us , that is down to the SW

Not saying the others are rude or 'not doing what the manager wants' by hardly interacting with us , they are pleasant enough but it is not a ''form a relationship'' setting that is NOT the purpose of them being there which is why they USED to swap the worker OFTEN ie it didn't really MATTER in the past who we 'got' as they all pretty much worked the same and did the same thing ie LEFT US TO IT and simply observed and took notes

SOMETIMES they might make a comment or two but it was always to the point and SHORT , not conversing throughout the whole visit!!!

So is this particular one being professional and ''doing what the manager wants her to do'' and the rest of them are NOT???

I don't think so personally which is why this one sticks out like a sore thumb!! She is NOTHING LIKE the others in her behaviour during the visits and there have been at least 6-8 OTHER workers who have supervised the sessions with us

I felt more SECURE with them because they were being PROFESSIONAL

Nothing like this has happened over the past 8 months I have NEVER had cause for complaint but I honestly think I do now

I am all for people with disabilities being in the work force , my Grandson has a disability and of course I would not want anyone to discriminate against him , but what job and what setting?

This is a highly professional job with a high level or responsibility

I think she is new as I have never seen her before and I am not saying they should sack her I just want to make a REQUEST as I honestly don't think she will be able to control herself even if I had a word with her and to be honest I don't think that is my place to tell the worker how to work

It goes with her character and who she is and I am not saying she is a BAD character or a bad person it is just not appropriate behaviour in this setting

Not sure if she needs more training or for someone to explain to her clearly what her role is but that is not my responsibility!!!!!!!!

I am not going to tell her how to do her job

No, I am not saying that the others have not been doing their job (how did you get to that from what I posted?) I am saying that if she is there to observe, then she needs to let you get on with behaving naturally so that there is something normal that she can observe.

You say her style seems to be to interact with you and ask a lot questions. I think it is OK for you to interact back (quietly, without making it a fight) and ask her if could keep the questions all together at the beginning or the end so that you can concentrate on the boy, and not be distracted from your bonding with him.

You say he ignores her - so it doesn't seem to be bothering him. That is good.

It seems to me these authorities employ the wrong people. This woman doesn't sound very intelligent to be honest. And it sounds as though she is expecting you to help with hertroubles! What qualifications do they have to have for that job?

You definitely need to tell her, politely but firmly, that the purpose of the session is for you to interact with your grandson and that you would appreciate if she shuts the fuck up just be quiet.

i think you should request that she is not given your sessions to supervise. You don't need the stress of it. Be strong. He's your grandson. You have a right to spend time with him without her spoiling things.

I do hope you get in touch with the organisation nightowl linked to.

nannynoo I thought the supervised visits were for the little boy and his mother not just a chance for you on your own to play with him. I feel very sorry for everyone involved. Mostly for the poor wee boy. Its all about him. Or it should be. The SWs have a very uncomfortable task trying to reconcile all parties and also to take difficult decisions as to who should have ultimate responsibility for the child. SW are damned sometimes if they take children from their families and damned sometimes if they don't. They have to be extremely careful as a wrong decision can be devastating. You wont want to hear this I suspect nanny but they are having to contribute to decision making between letting the boy return home to an alcoholic mother, a grandmother who has admittedly had difficulties in the past but appears to be making a concerted effort to get custody of the child which may or may not be in the child's best interests or making a clean break and new start for the boy. elegran has, as usual given you sound advice re how to manage the current SW. I understand that you are venting on this thread but the situation is all about him and his best interests which may not coincide with yours.

The contact supervisor will not be a Social Worker Jane

Those were the days, when SWs supervised their own contact, seeing it quite rightly as part of their assessment of the whole family. Unfortunately, with the dramatic rise in care proceedings contact has become a huge enterprise such that there is no way SWs would have time to perform this role. There are usually specialist contact teams and the workers are not required to have any qualifications, and the standard can be very variable. Yet another example IMO of the way in which SW has been broken down into so many parts that it is sometimes in danger of becoming 'social work by numbers'.

I think Elegran's suggestion of trying to ignore the contact worker is a good one nannynoo, but if this doesn't work in one or two sessions at most I would have a word with her supervisor and ask if you can have a different worker. Unless her manager is observing her practice no one will know that this is how she operates, and it sounds as though she needs some further training/ guidance about her role.

Oh come on Jane. It must be partly for the grandma or she wouldn't be invited to the session.

You are right that supervised contact is a very artificial situation nannynoo and it is difficult to behave naturally when you are being observed and written about. I have often seen parents such as your daughter fall into the trap of chatting too much with the contact supervisor for a number of reasons. It can sometimes be easier than trying to interact with your child meaningfully and continuously for two hours in a small room that is not your home - I think anyone would find that difficult. A chatty contact worker can provide a welcome distraction but it is the responsibility of the worker to recognise that that is not appropriate. The parent can also fall into this trap because they want to please the contact worker who has to report on the session and therefore has a lot of control over the future recommendations. Again, it takes a skilled contact supervisor to be able to engage and put people at ease whilst not taking over the session. Although your daughter 'loves' this woman, the worker is not doing her any favours as she may be reporting back that your daughter is spending more time talking to her than playing with her son. You may be helping your daughter as well in the long run by speaking up.

I don't understand this situation at all. It seems to me the social workers/authorities are trying to be too despotic, and then not seeing it through in a proper manner. Why can't the boy go to live with his gran, with regular visits from a (properly trained) social worker? That way the 'observing' could be done in a realistic manner. It's not a case of a child being put in any danger. nannynoo obviously loves the boy.

You're right, jingls but the problem is how to get the authorities to see it.

nannynoo is it possible for you just to query, with this person's supervisor, whether the chatty style of working is what should be happening, as it is different to the previous workers and is distracting you from interacting with your DGS?
That would not be making a complaint but would highlight to them what is happening at the visits.

Good suggestion FarNorth, very diplomatic!

nightowl I should clarify -I was using SW to avoid having to type out Social Services. Looks like I shouldn't have tried to be so quick. The rest of my post stands.

Jane

I have a bit of an update , phew!!! LOL

I did write an e-mail to the supervisor , not critisizing as such or with any sort of personal vendetta against the contact worker as I do LIKE her and have nothing against her personally it was just not 'appropriate' professional behaviour in and after the contact sessions ( which are diffcult enough as it is! )

I got an email back THANKING ME for bringing it to their attention and APOLOGISING for it

I spoke to the supervisor today and he said we would no longer have this particular worker and it is fine and they did speak to her about what was appropriate in a contact visit and what is professional behaviour etc and she was fine with it as in realised what she had been doing and even apologised as well and said she LIKED us too! lol

We had a very good conversation and he was very glad I brought it up as they were unaware of it and they did not want it to happen in the other contact sessions she supervised either , so yes her method has been tweaked but that could actually be good for her career and to get her back on track as obviously she did it without realising and enjoyed chatting with us , bless her

But yes it is all about the child and he needs us there to INTERACT with him and he loves having our full on attention of course , bless him!!

So it worked out fine , was resolved well , we communicated very well and to the point the supervisor said after he read my e-mail he thought ''do you want a JOB?''

He did mention it to the general manager and she AGREED that the staff member needed to be talked to and they are happy in this case to change the contact worker for future visits as they want us to be comfortable as he said this centre is about the FAMILIES attending!

So that is GREAT and I feel so much better now we have resolved things and with no bad feelings all round in fact it is building up a GOOD rapport with us and the contact centre staff and management which I can't see as a bad thing at all!!!

P.S Jinglebellsfrocks you make me LAUGH

My ''difficulties in the past'' have NO reflection on my current abilities to care for my Grandson very well

I could not help having 3 bereavements in the family including my baby Granddaughter and the devastating and painful affect that had on me , don't see why that or being a tad too soft with my DD in the PAST should be held against me , how many Mothers have not even told their DD's where they LIVE and deal with the difficult fallout of that by always standing her ground nomatter what???

Anyway ''may or may not be a good thing'' I see no reason whatsoever why it would NOT be a good thing but I do understand they have to be very cautious and am happy for them to assess me to the max and the hilt

Thankfully I have a good relationship with SS and intend to always keep it that way

I don't understand how my Grandsons best interests do not coincide with mine? Please elaborate!

Anyway , things are going well and I have just started a course called 'The Happiness Course' which teaches you how to be happy in ALL circumstances to it is very appropriate right now and LOVELY to get out and meet other people as I felt the time was right to do that and I may be volunteering at a food bank once a week and for a disability charity once a month so getting out there and meeting other people is a beneficial thing to do

There is also an online course on taking care of yourself as a carer and the course is free for a limited time so I enrolled straight up!

BTW it is not just a concerted effort to get custody , it is a concerted effort to make sure I am in a GOOD PLACE so I can take care of my Grandson VERY WELL and to do that I HAVE TO BE very well , but it starts with me and my wellbeing and so something as simple as eg sorting out the contact visit problem appropriately and therefore letting out a huge sigh of relief that it has been resolved all goes well towards my peace of mind and progress x

It will obviously be better for my GS to have his Mum and Nannys full on attention during the visits and am bringing ingredients to make some fat free , sugar free chocolate cakes on Saturday so am very much looking forward to that!

That's wonderful news, nannynoo.
Both about how you dealt with the supervision to get a successful outcome, and about you taking up new interests and activities. Sounds like you are taking care of yourself well and building up your resilience to stand you in good stead in the future.
Go, nannynoo!

Well done you nannynoo. Onwards and upwards!

Great update nannynoo, thanks for keeping us in the loop.

I do hope things go well for you and your grandson and hope your daughter is able to get on top of her drink problem. Not an easy task and tough for their loved ones as well.

Thank you guys , it is not easy being the 'complainer' as it can make things a bit 'awkward' but I think things will settle down in a week or two

Had a nice visit today and we made cakes

I have to keep remembering I don't have to be PERFECT to be a very good carer for my Grandson - I sometimes think I have to be perfect which is an unachievable and frustrating goal ... Same with being a dog owner and wanting to 'get it right' you get all sorts of info out there about training puppies and what you should or should not do but each family is different and have different rules , boundaries and priorities

I have my house rules but then within that I am not training anyone for Crufts or to be a Police dog , just a family dog who we can and do all enjoy

Some people will say I am too soft , others would say I am too hard for never feeding human scraps or allowing him on the settee all the time , with ( dog ) food many would say the quality isn't good enout but I feed what I can afford which is actually very decent food indeed but just not the 'best'

I am going for the 'healthy balance' approach , no extremes , both child and dog free to relax and enjoy the home enviroment and each other and yet of course not totally out of control

I feel I am a very good carer , dog owner and Grandmother and I have to REMEMBER that sometimes when the self doubt creeps in or I expect myself to achieve perfection somehow which is NEVER going to happen but 'good' or even 'very good' is good enough for me! xx

Am sure it is more than good enough for my GS as well! x

With being 'scrutinised' you can often start doubting yourself and it is hard to keep believing in the abilities you KNOW you have and yet no one seems to see!!!

My GS trusts me implicitly and I have never shouted at him nor at my pup , no need to be rough with them , just keep the boundaries in place and stick to them , no need to shout , just literally keep calm and carry on doing what you are doing with consistency and calmness , it is no big deal to be honest lol basic ground rules and enjoy everything in between!!!

My puppy even seems VERY happy ... he knows the rules , am consistent with them so he knows where he stands and what he is not going to get away with and even seems quite secure in that to be honest as they DO , it is not harsh and it is not pushover either , yes I am a big fan of affection but so are children and dogs so am going to keep carrying on like I am as it seems to be working as in everyone is secure and happy in it , it being my care which yes I only get to do for my GS once a week but the security , love and care is very much there even for 2 short hours xx

I don't think my GS or my pup have any complaints and I have to remember that and they love being around me as much as I love being around them! x

Struggling with my best not being good enough

Struggling with nomatter what I do it's not good enough?

Struggling with if no one believes in me how can I believe in myself? Even though I DO and I am not the only one who does but it is just FRUSTRATING and it is hard when others do not see a true picture of you

I just like to think we are all human beings , foster carers are human beings whether paid ones or family members so why is one 'better' than the other???

I thought love and care would be taken into account but I understand it isn't and I know safety is the priority but my GS is always safe in my care and always would be

I just have to keep concentrating on myself and hope it is all recognised one day!

I believe my Grandparenting of my GS is very good

There is 'good' parenting' 'good enough' parenting and 'risky' parenting and I feel I fall into at least the 'good' catagory , maybe I need to ASK again at some point what AREAS they feel I am 'not good enough' in so I can work on it if neccessary but I do meet my GS's needs very well and understand him and his needs completely

I need to see clearly what they are saying regarding any risks with me as I believe there are NONE unless they do want a perfect person which I am not but am 'more than good enough' as a carer for him or any child to be honest!!!

I have been paid by SS to look after children in the past and now I cannot even look after my own GS for free! lol

I have done childminding for 10 hours a day but it seems because my DD is an alcoholic I am not allowed to look after my own GS for 16 hours a day which approx 10 hours of would be sleeping

It is hard being told I can only see him for 2 hours a week when I used to have him for weekends and school holidays etc during which he was absolutely FINE with me and happy and secure so what has changed???

3 bereavements , yes , and my DD hitting the bottle but my CAPABILITIES have not changed and if anything have got better as I see what they 'are looking for' but proving that 'I have it' is very hard and to KNOW that you can do something and do it well to be told that you can't or are doubted , well it's hard too is all I can say! x

A lot of different staff members including the manager keep telling me how good the foster carer is with my Grandson etc and I am not disputing that it is just hard and it hurts to be practically told that someone else is better at looking after your Grandson than you are and I actually do NOT feel that is the case , not saying she is not good , but not saying I am not good either with the added bonus of the fact that I love him

Will do all the things she does with him and more , always used to , always will and even more so now everything has been spotlighted and highlighted which has been a good thing as I always used to think about him before but I think about him even MORE now eg what I can do to help him in his education , what I can do to get him through his older years and ensure he reaches his full potential , what facilities there are in my area , my new doctor specialises in Autism which is good , there are so many things I have been looking into and finding out including healthy recipes and some fun yet healthy things we can cook together as he has his adult teeth coming through now so low or no sugar is the way to go!

So I am thinking about myself AND him , not JUST myself as I love my life but love him too and there is a part of my life missing at the moment , a missing piece and am sure it is the same for him too and of course he misses his Mummy as well as despite her alcoholism she is still his Mum and was a good one when the drink was not involved and I used to be so proud of her