I need your prayers!!!

nannynoo is the foster carer present during your contact? When is she telling you all these things about what they have been doing? I'm afraid she is not behaving in a very appropriate way, and as you say she should be sensitive to your feelings. As for saying your DGS never mentions you or your daughter, not only is she being very cruel to tell you this but she seems to be missing the point that it is her job to talk with him about you both, to keep memories of home and family alive, and to help him to start to understand that he is likely to be returning to his family.

I am quite annoyed on your behalf at the things she is saying. I quite understand that you don't want to rock the boat, but I would just say to you, take everything she says with a very large pinch of salt and hold on to the idea that your grandson is coming back to you, and all will be well. I hope you have been given some timescale for this plan as I really don't understand why it all seems to be taking so long.

Thank you Nightowl for your support and clarity

And here was me feeling guilty for feeling jealous of the time she is having with my GS and thinking I was being too negative when it was a reality

I feel she is a bit insecure eg for her to be UPSET if my GS gave me a kiss is actually a bit odd when I come to think about it and if he ran over and gave me a hug she would ask for a hug too!!!

I think she wants to portray / show SS that she is such a good foster carer and my GS is so happy and settled there he has literally forgotten about us

All she said is ''But he knows who you are'' after saying he never mentions us or talks about us , well she certainly doesn't talk about us to him either it seems! ( And of COURSE he knows who we are like we should be grateful for that small fact! LOL )

The above comments were made in a review meeting with SS and the letting us know the details of what they are doing together etc is usually before or after the contact visits

It is hard as she seems to have no inkling of a clue how hard this is for me ( and my DD ) to watch her walk away with my GS but one day he will have to walk away from her for good and only then will she have a SMALL inkling of the pain we / I felt!!!!!!

I have a feeling she would adopt him if she could!!

Anyway , one more assessment for me which they want done by around June ( they said they want to do it internally not externally but it still takes time? ) and then the court date as it is an SGO they are going for and are paying for my solicitor

Then to hopefully place him with me in July so he can settle in over the school holidays ready to start his new school in September

I think they want the case closed and for my DD to possibly go to court if / when she is fully recovered and clean for at least a year or so

That is my understanding of the situation but the SW said things ARE moving forward and that she will be in touch

She is DEFINITELY not preparing him for his return home / to me / his family as it feels like almost the opposite of that and she wants to keep him!

I think she thinks no one could possibly care for him as well as she does including his family lol

She 'assumes' because he is in foster care the family obviously have 'problems' and can't care for him or he wouldn't be where he is , yes but if it wasn't for my burnout / exhaustion after looking after my alcoholic DD for 5 months plus the grief of the bereavements / losing my baby Granddaughter etc he would have been with me from day one

People do need time to recover sometimes , not from alcoholism in my case but from exhaustion and grief etc and I have done very well in recovering from the grief and exhaustion etc and even the SW said I have been ''ready for a long time'' but they wanted to give my DD a chance first!!!

We ( me and the foster carer ) haven't really talked about my Grandmother / GS bond or our relationship etc and she has no idea of the actual situation with me and my wellbeing , self care and ability to care for my GS all she knows is my DD is an alcoholic but that has nothing to do with the REST of the family who are on board now as a TEAM

The rest of the family had to recover from losing their brother and Mum in the space of 8 days! And my other DD had to recover from losing her baby!!

Thankfully we are all on track now and more than ready for my GS to be returned to the family! x

THIS is the exact type of situation foster carers are needed for

We were a family in crisis , so much going on and my DD's alcoholism is a crisis situation in itself!

But healing and progress does or can come which is why SS work with the FAMILY as obviously a ''success story'' is the family gets well again and the child can be returned to the family after their awful / difficult time

Case closed , job done , which is why my DD can NEVER go back to drinking again if she recovers and is allowed her son back as this situation can never happen again and he would be STRAIGHT to me next time if there was a next time and I wouldn't live with her for 5 months because I was told in a meeting I ''had to be there if she was drinking''

Nope , never again!!! lol

I have always wondered why SS aren't involved if someone is married to an alcoholic but as long as there is one sober parent to take care of the kids it seems to be allowed to slide???

Personally I do not think that is a good enviroment for a child ( plus domestic violence can go hand in hand but that is a different matter )

Not sure if this IS the law but it seems to be??

Not sure I agree with a child being left in that enviroment AT ALL to be honest but it seemed like if I WAS THERE everything was ok as there was someone to ensure my GS was cared for , fed and got ready for school etc but I myself would not want to be in that enviroment again and certainly not choose it ( even though I love my DD! LOL ) xx

I was called sometimes by SS saying I had to go to my DD's IMMEDIATELY as she failed to pick up my GS from the school bus ( due to suspected intoxication ) and of course stay over and look after him and get him ready for school etc and I live far from his school so practicality wise , yes , stress and ideal situation for the child and Grandparent wise NO and I THINK they would agree if this situation did ever happen again I could bring him to mine and refuse to return him if she was drinking again / on that path ever again x

Nannynoo I have every sympathy for the horrendous situation you are experiencing.

I notice you are posting through the night. Do try and give yourself some rest and relaxation as it is important you look after yourself, so that you can function properly.

True I had a lot going through my head last night

I suppose I am at the point where I NEVER want something like this to happen again , it has to be resolved for GOOD if possible ( and alcoholism is extremely unpredictable )

At least I can see 'where it went wrong' ie I was expected to care for / be at my DD's house if she was drinking and I don't actually agree with that now

Removing my GS to my house immediately rather than seeing how it goes is the best option in the first place! lol

We / he needs that safeguard in place always! x

You are understandably very keyed up about all of this - it comes across in your posts. Whilst I can understand this, it will not sit well with SS if you seem to fraught about it all. You need to keep your head and be calm and come across as sensible - as someone who has thought through all the likely problems.

I hate to say this, but I do think you also need to be prepared for any outcome - you are pinning your hopes on him being with you (as we all would do), but, just like the foster mother, I think you need to be prepared for whatever comes.

Stay cool, as best you can.

I hope you know I mean well, nannynoo, but I a little bit anxious that you are playing all this out on social media.
I would have thought[dont know for sure] that it is not a good idea.

It may be ok about the part about your daughter, but not about your gs's foster carer.

I think we need to put a plan in place for IF he was ever returned to my DD which SS are looking as still a possibility one day

We need a concrete plan which does NOT involve me staying with my DD but bringing my GS straight to mine immediately and keeping him here so will discuss this with them and school transport will have to be funded

She may never drink again but we need a plan in place in case she does!

I think it is natural to be anxious about this ''ever happening again'' as after all my GS and I have been through it is natural for me to want a plan in place for the future

Mishap is right, you do need to prepare for any outcome, although it does seem as though Children's Services have done a complete about turn in their plan on this occasion.

It is very promising that they are encouraging you to apply for an SGO as it shows they believe you will now be able to cope with minimal support and intervention. (Rather ironic since not so long ago they didn't want to place him with you at all, but this type of inconsistency is sadly not unusual). I do hope they are providing an SGO support plan and allowances as you are entitled to this by law. All authorities are different but I would have thought that your grandson's disability means you could be entitled to financial support until he is 18. Do make sure your solicitor is on the ball with this.

nannynoo if you have an SGO you will be able to make all the decisions about whether your DGS returns to your daughter and how this should be managed. However it is exactly these kinds of things that need to be written into a support plan so that you know you can ask for support from Children's Services in the future.

soontobe does have a point about perhaps giving less detail on a public forum. It could be used against you if anyone recognised you or your situation.

The foster carer doesn't sound a very understanding sort of person. But I guess foster families are in short supply and they are just glad to have people who will care well for the child. Understanding the feelings of the close relatives could be beyond her. You will have to try to show her some sympathy and understanding. She is perhaps fulfilling a need in her life, which is fine if it results in a happy time for the little boy.

Try to stay calm, and rested. Try not to care about her behaviour. Hopefully, come the summer, you will be able to relax and enjoy being with your own young grandson again. It won't be long now. You know how time flies.

I do agree I shared too much on here even though it did help me to offload

Thing is they did ask me to have him 9 months ago but I did the best thing even though it was hard and said no , it would not have been good for him for me to start off day one exhausted and become more depleted after that only for the placement to fail and me be not then be given the opportunity to have him at all

My batteries were on zero after 5 months with my DD and her alcoholism etc and I needed to recharge , grieve lots , move house , settle in and recover etc

I just do not want the situation where my GS is placed with me , goes home , DD starts drinking again , then back with me and this ping pong going on for my GS who wants to live with his Mum and it does happen unfortunately

They said they will pay me an allowance

That's good nannynoo, just make sure it's long term

I also needed to toughen up with my DD , big time , as we were extremely close and there was a possibility of there not being enough / suitable boundaries in place consistently which is no longer an issue now for sure

It is a work in progress with my DD though and I just have to always remain consistent nomatter what!!

WHATEVER she throws at me I cannot budge for my GS's sake!

I do have a lot on so I am going to chill now Thanks guys!!!

Hi All - Wanted to say sorry for my rantings about the foster carer lol

It was in fact only about half of what is going on with her and she has said and done some slightly cruel things and is not assimilating him or preparing him to come back to his family , yet that is her responsibility , not mine

So I am going to focus on my GS who is what this is ALL about and we do have a very REAL relationship and bond of love which definitely IS still there xx

She has a job to do and this is about what is best for the child which surely in this case is for him to be back with his family and extended family x

Hi nannynoo I don't think you need to apologise, I think most people understand how frustrating all this has been for you and that you need to offload somewhere. soontobe was simply reminding you to be careful as this is a public forum - something we might all need to be reminded of at times. You are at such a critical stage in hopefully getting your DGS placed with you that you just need to be very cautious in how much you post, in case anyone could identify you. Feel free to rant but please, nothing too specific about the foster carer!

Aww, Nannynoo! What a time you've been having! Ive just read this thread through, and my heart goes out to you. I hope that by the time your grandson comes to you, you wil have healed a little, and can withstand the demands of caring for a small child! Be kind to yourself and get some much needed rest.

Yes, the foster carer has her job to do. As does, and so should her own social worker. I hope that they both do it properly.